Losing a friend because of the lifestyle...

[the-short-one]

I have 2 friends who feel I've deserted them (I think, anyway.) I don't "hang out" with them anymore, but I make an effort not to forget birthdays, christmas, etc. I also make sure to call them when I can.

I just had a long talk with one of them yesterday on the phone. It felt good, and it was the right thing to do.

Make the call.

 

[HiDnGoD]

Friendships are like "marriage lite". The same kinds of jealousies & misunderstandings occur. Treat her the way you would a s.o..

 

[sbt2082]

I agree with the others.... definately make the phone call
Noticed several times that in emails/text etc stuff gets twisted around or someone takes something the wrong way and the end result it much worse then it should be!

Haven't really lost any friends, but many of them and my family as well just don't understand whats so important at the gym 5 or 6 days a week etc... so I feel your pain as well!

 

[needtogetaas]

hi my name is needto.and I will be friends with all of you.

 

[Sassy69]

Particularly if it is still very early in your competition career -- the whole thing is self-absorbing. My first competitoin I could never shut the hell up about competition. A lot of my friends stopped calling me to go out. I broke down & started crying when a friend & I had planned to go down to the river in Ft Lauderdale to for a blues festival - I just wanted to sit & relax because I was just so exhausted but I wanted to get out -- he said "No, I'll get you up & walkign around" --- I just lost it - I was like "YOu have no idea how exhausted I am. I just want to sit. I'm sorry I"m not trying to be anti-social or boring - but I just want to sit. " He didn't really get that I wasn't whining and he just kept up w/ the "No I"m gonna get you up and out"... I called him back later, cancelled and pretty much cried the rest of the day. I also started the beginning to the end of a relationship I had during my first competition prep the day I nuked some tilapia in his microwave because it was 2 weeks away & I was on the tilapia diet. He bailed on me 3 days before my show.

I actually lost a friend that I went to college w/ 20 yrs ago and had caught up w/ a few yrs ago. I met up w/ her last fall in ATL when I was in the throws of my last job w/ the bodybuilding production company -- I didn't get an xmas card this yr.

Since, I've learned to just keep it real low key - people notice I eat the boring food at work and drink a lot of water, but its not until I start to get really lean and then the protan starts that they really ask. I didnt' even tell my parents about my last show until 3 days later. Just easier.

But for a close friend -- just pick up the phone.

 

[Gymgurl]

Make the phone call and humble yourself and own at least 1% of it....it will make a difference....Im sorry this is going on...these things suck

 

[treilin]

Sorry QT!!! I wouldn't say I have 'lost' friends' but our relationships have changed. They want to drink, I want to go to the gym. They want to eat out, I want to eat at home. It's not self-absorbed it's called priorities. Right now bodybuilding may be a higher priority then your friendships... I mean you just went through contest prep you barely have enough energy to walk let alone try and remember to keep in contact with people, and communicating is a whole nother story. If she doesn't understand that this is you, and that you did try to e-mail her (look in your sent box and see if you can forward her the e-mail you sent showing you tried), then all you can do is apologize and move forward. If she is willing to give up on 8 years' of friendship then she can live with that. If you can compromise and work out what she is expecting out of the friendship then it would be easier to try and reach a deal as to who does what and re-establish what you have and how to maintain it. Like maybe you guarantee one phonecall a month, or an e-mail every 2 weeks if that's all you can do. If she is aware of what you can give then maybe she wouldn't be so needy for more of you.
Tell her you are genuinely interested in her and her life but let her understand work is not the place to try and figure out her problems when you have your own, and usually by the time you get home it's late and yes you forget things. Not intentional it just happens. If she needs guidance quickly maybe see a counselor. After all you didn't go to school to become one. If she needs someone to listen then she should call you or someone else not e-mail. If she feels better typing then maybe she needs to start a journal. Her personal issues and what she has going on has nothing to do with you and your working out.
I agree with the phonecall as well!!!

 

[cindylou]

there are other things we can do with our friends besides drinking and eating out. I tell my friends that I wont be drinking with them as much but to call me every time they go shopping.

an effort has to be made somewhere if the friendship is important ; but I have also found that I dont have the time to have as many friendships as I have had in the past and that's ok. Its too exhausting to try and stay in touch with everyone and frankly there are people who are not worth it anyway. MOst of the ones who are worth keeping around understand time/ and priorities and have their own priorities and life.

I think its best to surround yourself with people who bring you up instead of people who drag you down.

Forget about the rest of them!!

I've lost friends though i dont know if i'd blame it on a healthy lifestyle or just me not having anything in common w/ the binge drinkers and the binge eaters blah blah. Its not because I'm so vain and I wanna be healthy and I'm better than them; but the fact that we just dont like the same things all the time.

we are all different.


ok that was my opinion.

Hope it all works out for ya.

 

[superqt4u2nv]

Thanks all it is very hard I don't think someone that has never done a prep truly understands what it is like granted this email was after the prep was over. I was going through some personal things on my end as well plus work was retarded busy. She has gone through phase like that as well with work being so busy. I never though of it as a big deal but I guess it was I have no problem apologies for when I was wrong but I do expect at least the same from her. I will make the call tonight.

 

[P01NTBL4NK]

dude yeah I am coincided as hell and I am self centered bb does that and other shit does that too. I have a right to be coincided for real. DONT let someone rain on your parade you just keep doing what your doing and shine. if they dontlike it FUCK THEM