Hey its [7] again.
Had to reregister under a new nick to post... seems like elitefitness.com has some strict guidelines about going a week without posting.
Neways, i guess i just came back to say thanks to everybody that listened to my rant... looking back at the post i dont really know what came over me when i wrote those messages... i guess something just snapped inside me and i thought to myself "how do i really feel about living with aids?" and all that came out was rage heh.
Jonny Jacked youre more than welcome to share any posts made with me with your classmates. If you could refer to me as 7 only id appreciate it.
Things have been going ok I guess. Last time i ranted off i was talking about my outlook on my best friends relationship with his gf. Well things have become more complicated as she recently told me she had feelings for me. What exactly do I say to that? heh. The trials and tribulations of love are complex enough without the HIV factor. The situations utterly complicated as it is (I mean come on my best friends gf?) but you throw in the HIV and I feel as if something or someone is mocking me. Taunting me with things I cant have, options that arent available to me, choices i cant make on a clear coincience. The truth of the matter is I feel the same way about her, but im not gonna string her along, letting her think there could be anything between us and then say "oh btw I have HIV."
I know it seems wrong to say, he is my best friend and a best friends mate is off limit for life, but when i see the way he treats her, beats on her... under any other circumstances i would tell her how i really feel about her, if anything else just to get her away from that type of situation. shes such a good person my heart bleeds for her every nite. So whats the sensible thing to do? Tell her I cant. That she deserves someone better than anything I or her bf can offer. Its the only choice I can make without having my coincience eat away at me. Thats life i guess.
As far as my treatment goes, my dad just got laid off from his job after 15 years so there goes my insurance and my doctor. I recently went to see someone here in Long Beach under the CARE program (comprehensive AIDS research and Education.) I like my new doctor, i think its gonna be a positive change. I guess I need to start making some decisions in my life and stop whining about things I cant change and do something about the things I can.
Its funny Im 21 now going on 22 in october, I found out I was positive when I was 16, so ive known about my status for 5, maybe 6 years. and just now am i coming to term with things. I guess I have a bit of a better outlook on lfe now. I could be much worse off than I am right now. I guess Im starting to build some pride out of the fact that ive lived this long with this bs. but whatever.
Milo, like i said before there isnt much option with people my age. If theyre positive theyre not willing to talk about it. the "youth group" i used to go to closed because people stopped coming. 90% of the group were gay teens newly diagnosed, i met maybe 2 females there that were in the same boat as i was but they were both lesbians. Thanks for the suggestion nontheless.
Proxo youre entitled to your opinion but you assume too much. I dont sell drugs to kids I sell drugs to grown adults that are old enough to make conscious choices for themselves about which risks they are and are not willing to take. If I was so heartless as to sell drugs to kids, I would also be willing to have sex with every female i came in contact with without telling them i was positive. I dont expect you or anyone else to give a "fuck" about me. The question was posed and I answered it from my perspective. You can interpret my comments in any manner you like.
Anyways thanks for your comments everybody. Hopefully ill post something else before 7 days are up so i wont have to re-re-register
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