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Not a problem TM. Alan.
VitalRemains
New member
Thanks for sharing. It scared the living hell out of me man, i'm sorry for what ya been through
glennds
New member
alanchiras said:
yes you can change your body from skinny to buff (and not necessarily with juice) you will learn that it is more than just going to the gym and importance of diet (and juice).
i think many guys on this board have done that, including myself. this is a good place to get good advice on stacks and find what you are looking for after you start making friends.
First off, if you got caught ordering aas, I don't think there is a jury in this country that would convict you due to your condition.
I also think you should bump the deca to 300mg/wk, and the test to at least 500mg/wk. 30mg dbol a day, and you'll be on your way to packing on the mass.
This is just my opinion....
btw- keep up the good work and stay strong!
I also think you should bump the deca to 300mg/wk, and the test to at least 500mg/wk. 30mg dbol a day, and you'll be on your way to packing on the mass.
This is just my opinion....
btw- keep up the good work and stay strong!
Sounds good rodneyabs, now I just need to find a good source for them. I use the 'cat' for my paper. Have just done a self injection in the butt for the first time last week, so I fear the needle much less now that I can do it myself (not a virgin anymore<YEAH!>) Thanks!
Having Aids sucks.
Im 21 years old and ive been positive all my life. It was transmitted to me along with hepatits c during some blood transfusion when i was around 2 or 3 days old. I only found out I was HIV+ when i was 16, got really sick and ended up in the hospital.
So there i am: 16 years old in the 10th grade still a virgin never did drugs never engaged in any type of "risky behavior" and here i got a doctor telling me I had a terminal illness. Great.
I went through all the phases. At first it really didnt hit me what having aids meant. All i thought of was "ok great well now i know and now i can take meds and become healthy. Thats all there is to it." I actually did a pretty good job at dropping my meds consistantly at first, my viral load droped down to undetectable, and about 6 months through the entire ordeal something in me snapped and i finally came to the realization that i was gonna be stuck with this bullshit for the rest of my life.
The next 4 years I woke up and slept thinking of death. Dropped out of hi school.... ( i mean who cares rite wtf do i care about my future im dying neways) I used to look at my wrists alot just mapping them out, following them with my eyes, watching how they split like tree branches. "All i need to do is take a knife rite here and its over" I used to think to myself.
I told a few of my friends and got mixed reactions. Some of them were cool with it and others said they were cool but I could tell they were bothered. I think the social aspect of having aids is the hardest part. Here I am, a 21 heteroseuxal virgin male because i refuse to transmit this disease to someone else. My current best friend who dosent know Im HIV+ is always asking me why i dont hook up with females. I just lie through my teeth and tell him its too much work ive been there and done that when i really havent. I think the worse part of it is the fact that im actually a really good looking guy, I get offers from females trying to get something going all the time but wtf am i supposed to say to them? Yeh sure we can hook up oh btw i have aids? Im well aware of the reacton i would get by reading threads like this one: http://boards.elitefitness.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=46350
Do I blame these people for not willing to have sex with people that are HIV+? No. Because if I didnt have the disease theres no way in hell i would risk the chance of getting it. But then again I look to my best friends relationship with his girlfriend. His girlfriend is absolutely stunning, extremely nice, smart girl - does everything for him and yet he treats her like pure shit. Calls her a worthless slut tells her to stop pmsing the whole 9 yards. And i look at this and i think to myself "is this right? Its this the way its supposed to be? Im sitting here dying of fucking aids while this guy who has no fucking clue how lucky he is to have someone like that in is life treats her like shit and everythings cool? What did I do to deserve this prison of a life? Did I do something really bad in a former life?
I just dont get it. I really really dont.
But Im not just gonna give up and die. If it wasnt for my supportive family I think i wouldnt care less but they have been there for me since day 1 and i know that when i do go theyre never gonna be the same again. So I just have to keep on living life the way I do and hope that some miracle will occur that will release me from this torture.
Am I blessed to have lived beyond my life expectacy? I mean I should have been dead at 11 or 12. Or am I cursed to just have my misery of a life extended on for a longer period of time. At this time I have no clue. I dont know what the future will hold. I can only hope for the best.
Just one more thing, I know you guys hear this all the time through tv radio and magazines and whatnot, but do practive safe sex. You dont want to live the life I live. You dont want to have the life I have.
Stay safe.
Im 21 years old and ive been positive all my life. It was transmitted to me along with hepatits c during some blood transfusion when i was around 2 or 3 days old. I only found out I was HIV+ when i was 16, got really sick and ended up in the hospital.
So there i am: 16 years old in the 10th grade still a virgin never did drugs never engaged in any type of "risky behavior" and here i got a doctor telling me I had a terminal illness. Great.
I went through all the phases. At first it really didnt hit me what having aids meant. All i thought of was "ok great well now i know and now i can take meds and become healthy. Thats all there is to it." I actually did a pretty good job at dropping my meds consistantly at first, my viral load droped down to undetectable, and about 6 months through the entire ordeal something in me snapped and i finally came to the realization that i was gonna be stuck with this bullshit for the rest of my life.
The next 4 years I woke up and slept thinking of death. Dropped out of hi school.... ( i mean who cares rite wtf do i care about my future im dying neways) I used to look at my wrists alot just mapping them out, following them with my eyes, watching how they split like tree branches. "All i need to do is take a knife rite here and its over" I used to think to myself.
I told a few of my friends and got mixed reactions. Some of them were cool with it and others said they were cool but I could tell they were bothered. I think the social aspect of having aids is the hardest part. Here I am, a 21 heteroseuxal virgin male because i refuse to transmit this disease to someone else. My current best friend who dosent know Im HIV+ is always asking me why i dont hook up with females. I just lie through my teeth and tell him its too much work ive been there and done that when i really havent. I think the worse part of it is the fact that im actually a really good looking guy, I get offers from females trying to get something going all the time but wtf am i supposed to say to them? Yeh sure we can hook up oh btw i have aids? Im well aware of the reacton i would get by reading threads like this one: http://boards.elitefitness.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=46350
Do I blame these people for not willing to have sex with people that are HIV+? No. Because if I didnt have the disease theres no way in hell i would risk the chance of getting it. But then again I look to my best friends relationship with his girlfriend. His girlfriend is absolutely stunning, extremely nice, smart girl - does everything for him and yet he treats her like pure shit. Calls her a worthless slut tells her to stop pmsing the whole 9 yards. And i look at this and i think to myself "is this right? Its this the way its supposed to be? Im sitting here dying of fucking aids while this guy who has no fucking clue how lucky he is to have someone like that in is life treats her like shit and everythings cool? What did I do to deserve this prison of a life? Did I do something really bad in a former life?
I just dont get it. I really really dont.
But Im not just gonna give up and die. If it wasnt for my supportive family I think i wouldnt care less but they have been there for me since day 1 and i know that when i do go theyre never gonna be the same again. So I just have to keep on living life the way I do and hope that some miracle will occur that will release me from this torture.
Am I blessed to have lived beyond my life expectacy? I mean I should have been dead at 11 or 12. Or am I cursed to just have my misery of a life extended on for a longer period of time. At this time I have no clue. I dont know what the future will hold. I can only hope for the best.
Just one more thing, I know you guys hear this all the time through tv radio and magazines and whatnot, but do practive safe sex. You dont want to live the life I live. You dont want to have the life I have.
Stay safe.
Oh [7], where do I begin? First of all, I feel for you young man. I have counseled a few people in this area in similar conditions. A few thoughts if it is not a big imposition. First of all, I hope you are properly plugged in to the available services in your area. In the Worcester area, too many young people with HIV, do not utilize the services of their local ASO's due to many emotional reasons. I would urge you to reach out to these agencies for support. You have many emotional issues that have not been fully been dealt with. I also urge you to read all of the major mainstream AIDS publications esp. POZ. POZ magazine has extensively dealt with dating and sexual issues for people like you. Did you know for example that the is a all-hetro singles cruise for PWA's? Could be just what you need. There are also many hetro HIV dating sources on the internet that you should seek out. Also, you are on a weightlifting and anabolic website. Is your doctor giving you AAS and Test? Are you working out with free-weights? Doing this will burn off a lot of your steam and help you physically with your condition. If I may be so bold as to also suggest that it is time for you to wear your status on your sleeve. You need to be open and honest about your illness to ALL around you. If you lose any friendships, are these really the type of people you want to be around? You can start on this board. Like I do, use your real, full name. I know this might be a big step, but it will be best for you in the long run. And remember, Pos-neg couples do exist. You tell all us to practice safe sex and yet you deny yourself the enjoyment of a sexual encounter. You too can use a condom, or find a mate that already has HIV. Do I sound like I'm talking bullshit? PM me if you want or use this open forum to ask more questions. I hope to hear from you soon. Yours, Alan.
Hey Alan, I appreciate the support.
Yeh I live out here in Long Beach, CA and Im semi-involved with the hiv services out here. CARE services and such - I got a social worker the whole 9 yards. I used to attend a ps youth group but i havent gone back in months, mainly because the group is pretty small and is comprised of 90% homosexual males. Not that I have any type of problems with homosexuals, I had homosexual friends before I knew I was positive and I still know a couple of homosexual guys that I still stay in contact with. Love is never a wrong thing why discrimnate on someone elses sexual preference?
That being said I dont attend the groups anymore because I dont really feel like I relate to the rest of those people. I dont mean this in a derrogatory way but HIV is a bit more accepted in the gay community then in the heterosexual community. If anything else, its more widely understood.
I realize its an anabolic steroids board, I just decided to post because the question was asked about how it feels to have AIDS on a daily basis, so I thought id throw in my 2 cents.
Theres this other positive female in exactly the same boat as me: contracted it through a blood transufsion when she was a baby and found out when she was 10 years old but she shares alot of views I do. She says shes going celibate as well because she couldnt live if she knew she transmitted HIV to someone else.
Im acceptant of the cards life has dealt me. It is only after you have lost everything that you can truly live. Ive gone to psychiatrists and therapists and what-not to discuss my issues. They end up telling me "death is always an option" and give me prozac and send me on my merry way. My therapy nowadays? MDMA (also known on the streets as ecstacy).
Hetero HIV dating resources mainly apply to people ages 30 and over (and even 30 is hard to find) Ive done extensive research on the net for young adult positive websites and the numbers are far and betweeen.
Ive worn my status on my sleeve before and all i got for it was "die aids fucker" spraypainted on my locker. I rather not go down that road again - I actually moved across the country from North Carolina to Califronia to start a new discreet life out here.
As far as my best friend goes, I know he wouldnt freak out or anything. I saved his life last week because he OD'd on a number of drugs including cocaine diflucan and ecstacy and started ceisuring. For a second I thought he was dead but I was so high on MDMA there wasnt any remorse on my face. His gf was hysterical at the time, she thanked me for being there for them during their time of need and having a cool head and such. A bit ironic that a dying man saves another persons life heh. But getting back on topic i know hed be alrite with it but once you tell someone that sort of thing they never look at you the same. Theres always that nagging voice in the back of your head that says "he has aids watch out." Becomes an awkward situation.
My real name is Andre Davis I really dont mind giving it out over the internet. Ive accepted the fact that I have HIV. Most people just take a different route and try to go back to their daily lives and try to live a "normal healthy life" in society. Heh. I say society dosent accept me as an equal they accept me as a victim and an anomaly so why should I care? I dont work i sell drugs. What are they gonna do give me a life-sentence in prison? HAH. They better get in line because that was handed to me years ago.
As far as my health goes, my body is used to the virus by now. My doctor has me on a regimen of sustiva videx and kaletra but I dont follow it because i can overheat and die from kaletra and ecstacy. Besides its impossible to take a regimen when youre living a youths lifestyle. When 10:00 rolls around and its time for me to swallow up some meds im usually at a houseparty too drunk to remember. I have a nutritionist shes got me lifting weights 3 times a week and on a 2600 calorie diet with 100 grams of protein a day. Im around 5'11 165 lbs but Id like to achieve alot more muscle mass which is why i was interested in this forum in the first place.
Anyways alan, thanks again for the support. I dont really expect people to feel sorry for me because I live how i live by choice. If I wanted to I could live a healthier, more productive life. Hell I could live to be 80 if I took my regimen like im supposed to (its extremely effective on the strand i have) but who the hell wants to live that long with aids?
Take care bro
Yeh I live out here in Long Beach, CA and Im semi-involved with the hiv services out here. CARE services and such - I got a social worker the whole 9 yards. I used to attend a ps youth group but i havent gone back in months, mainly because the group is pretty small and is comprised of 90% homosexual males. Not that I have any type of problems with homosexuals, I had homosexual friends before I knew I was positive and I still know a couple of homosexual guys that I still stay in contact with. Love is never a wrong thing why discrimnate on someone elses sexual preference?
That being said I dont attend the groups anymore because I dont really feel like I relate to the rest of those people. I dont mean this in a derrogatory way but HIV is a bit more accepted in the gay community then in the heterosexual community. If anything else, its more widely understood.
I realize its an anabolic steroids board, I just decided to post because the question was asked about how it feels to have AIDS on a daily basis, so I thought id throw in my 2 cents.
Theres this other positive female in exactly the same boat as me: contracted it through a blood transufsion when she was a baby and found out when she was 10 years old but she shares alot of views I do. She says shes going celibate as well because she couldnt live if she knew she transmitted HIV to someone else.
Im acceptant of the cards life has dealt me. It is only after you have lost everything that you can truly live. Ive gone to psychiatrists and therapists and what-not to discuss my issues. They end up telling me "death is always an option" and give me prozac and send me on my merry way. My therapy nowadays? MDMA (also known on the streets as ecstacy).
Hetero HIV dating resources mainly apply to people ages 30 and over (and even 30 is hard to find) Ive done extensive research on the net for young adult positive websites and the numbers are far and betweeen.
Ive worn my status on my sleeve before and all i got for it was "die aids fucker" spraypainted on my locker. I rather not go down that road again - I actually moved across the country from North Carolina to Califronia to start a new discreet life out here.
As far as my best friend goes, I know he wouldnt freak out or anything. I saved his life last week because he OD'd on a number of drugs including cocaine diflucan and ecstacy and started ceisuring. For a second I thought he was dead but I was so high on MDMA there wasnt any remorse on my face. His gf was hysterical at the time, she thanked me for being there for them during their time of need and having a cool head and such. A bit ironic that a dying man saves another persons life heh. But getting back on topic i know hed be alrite with it but once you tell someone that sort of thing they never look at you the same. Theres always that nagging voice in the back of your head that says "he has aids watch out." Becomes an awkward situation.
My real name is Andre Davis I really dont mind giving it out over the internet. Ive accepted the fact that I have HIV. Most people just take a different route and try to go back to their daily lives and try to live a "normal healthy life" in society. Heh. I say society dosent accept me as an equal they accept me as a victim and an anomaly so why should I care? I dont work i sell drugs. What are they gonna do give me a life-sentence in prison? HAH. They better get in line because that was handed to me years ago.
As far as my health goes, my body is used to the virus by now. My doctor has me on a regimen of sustiva videx and kaletra but I dont follow it because i can overheat and die from kaletra and ecstacy. Besides its impossible to take a regimen when youre living a youths lifestyle. When 10:00 rolls around and its time for me to swallow up some meds im usually at a houseparty too drunk to remember. I have a nutritionist shes got me lifting weights 3 times a week and on a 2600 calorie diet with 100 grams of protein a day. Im around 5'11 165 lbs but Id like to achieve alot more muscle mass which is why i was interested in this forum in the first place.
Anyways alan, thanks again for the support. I dont really expect people to feel sorry for me because I live how i live by choice. If I wanted to I could live a healthier, more productive life. Hell I could live to be 80 if I took my regimen like im supposed to (its extremely effective on the strand i have) but who the hell wants to live that long with aids?
Take care bro
