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Candi,
Thank you so much for the support...Yes, while I need/want the cash that my job provides for me, the mental games it plays overall is not worth it.It is hard to be confident in a business like this one, even if you still look"HOT" but you know and so does everyone else you work with that you are heavier...I know I am not heavy, but it is hard.
..I am by no means a chunky girl(yet), and would need to gain alot more fat to be considered "unattractive" I still look healthy, but I am feeling it is due to weighing and measuring and the overall restriction of calories...I feel I will normalize in the long term if I don't fret about fat in the short term
...There is a fear of food in my mind, I personally don't think that a healthy female bod who weight trains 4-5 days a week should gain fat on 1800-1900 hundred cals a day..(Fat gain) I am 145...
The southwest has some awesome programs that have set me afire...I actually just set a wedding date today with an Army officer, who does not want me to dance anyway, but that ingrained money hunger is still there, but I am finding my way out, and realizing the toll it has taken...On my relationship, as well as on my body..I will be working again I am sure, but I have a grasp on things and have a different perspective, and I have created some other desires and goals that are OH so easy to overlook when you are wrapped up in that game...
I often wonder about the Hollywood starlets, and some of their extreme skinninesses and weight loss...It SEEMS like a small price to pay for their fame and fortune, but I could not imagine the pressure...I am only at the bottom of the rung in an industry with not too much to lose...I am not sure what the true quality of life would be over the long term living in an deprived/starvation state, even with all of the glamor...
Thanks again candi, and everyone who contributed to my thread..I am a permanent fixture on elite
ariel
Thank you so much for the support...Yes, while I need/want the cash that my job provides for me, the mental games it plays overall is not worth it.It is hard to be confident in a business like this one, even if you still look"HOT" but you know and so does everyone else you work with that you are heavier...I know I am not heavy, but it is hard.
..I am by no means a chunky girl(yet), and would need to gain alot more fat to be considered "unattractive" I still look healthy, but I am feeling it is due to weighing and measuring and the overall restriction of calories...I feel I will normalize in the long term if I don't fret about fat in the short term
...There is a fear of food in my mind, I personally don't think that a healthy female bod who weight trains 4-5 days a week should gain fat on 1800-1900 hundred cals a day..(Fat gain) I am 145...
The southwest has some awesome programs that have set me afire...I actually just set a wedding date today with an Army officer, who does not want me to dance anyway, but that ingrained money hunger is still there, but I am finding my way out, and realizing the toll it has taken...On my relationship, as well as on my body..I will be working again I am sure, but I have a grasp on things and have a different perspective, and I have created some other desires and goals that are OH so easy to overlook when you are wrapped up in that game...
I often wonder about the Hollywood starlets, and some of their extreme skinninesses and weight loss...It SEEMS like a small price to pay for their fame and fortune, but I could not imagine the pressure...I am only at the bottom of the rung in an industry with not too much to lose...I am not sure what the true quality of life would be over the long term living in an deprived/starvation state, even with all of the glamor...
Thanks again candi, and everyone who contributed to my thread..I am a permanent fixture on elite
ariel
