hermit, welcome to the board brother. i feel for you man, i really do. and youre right, no way you should end your life. and ill tell you what, whoever told you it was too late to get back in great shape needs to be punished!!! there is nothing FURTHER from the truth. these guys have given you great tips so far, stick to them. and about starting january 1st, good job, but i would go ahead and start getting yourself ready now for the big change. no pigging out, no fast food or candy or sodas or anything. if you stick to the tips given to you above, and really really stick to them good, i guarantee by summer 2005, you will have lost between 20-50 pounds, maybe more. definitely take that picture, id love to see your progress. and as for your question as to what you do when you finally reach your goal? thats up to you. you can either do maintenance to stay where your at, or try to bulk muscle up for an even better look. anything you want to do you can do it if you really put your mind to it. again, welcome, and dont be afraid to ask questions!!!!!!