Happily married people...

[anthrax]

In the end it's all about both partners' personality

If you're both open minded, flexible, ready to compromise and have some good will you can make you mariage work

On the other hand if you're still an immature selfish kid it's no gonna work

 

[HumorMe]

......................and back to the original topic.

Unlike Chef, and Frisky (not placing blame or flaming in any way)....I am still married to the mother of my children. She and my kids share an equal standing in the schematics of my priorities..

My kids and wife are the single most important things in my world, none moreso than the other. If you decide to pick sides (children vs. spouse) at some point one or the other............or both will resent you like no other.

Nice post.

 

[aandd]

Exactly. Some people make wrong decisions, which may take many years to realize or rear its ugly head down the road. This does not mean they don't try hard enough or are not commmited enough, which is what you were saying with your earlier post.

No, that is your incorrect interpretation of what I was saying. Who knows why some couples decide to divorce. Your friend, if I were assuming, I would think that she tried hard for 51 years and then reached a point where the reward was no longer worth the commitment to keep trying. Does that mean I think she wasn't "commited enough"? NO WAY. Like I said before - everyone has their idea of a 'deal breaker'. She obviously encountered hers (as do over 50% of couples in a first marriage). Am I better than them? NOPE. Who am I to judge how much work a person has put in? Unless a person slept in the couple's bed at night, there's really no way to know that.

How am I doing my parent's a disservice by saying it's luck? They were arranged. That means they did not know one another before they were wed. You're telling me that's not luck? Of course it is. Luck does not take away from my parent's hard work and commitment. You're saying that "hard fucking work" and "commitment" will supercede any road bumps and incompatibilities between a married couple, which is not always the case. If your husband should cheat on you, become abusive, etc etc amongst who knows what else (always possible), do you think hard work and commitment will resolve all those problems? Fact is many couples go through all this and it just isn't enough. Come back to me when you're 40 or 45 and we'll see.

My my, you are getting awfully personal in your replies. That is amusing to me.

Like I said above - that is once again your incorrect interpretation of what I'm saying, based on your views of marriage. Basically it seems we disagree on the existence of some mystical force that awards some success and others failure. I don't believe in luck, therefore it is impossible for me to accept the premise of your argument that your parents were simply "lucky".

And yes, I think hard work and commitment can resolve issues like infidelity. Lets just say I have experience that tells me it can. That doesn't mean it is not a future "deal breaker" in this household. That would be where I decided that the rewards were no longer worth the work. Do I think that means I'm not commited enough. Nope.

 

[HiDnGoD]

My wife's parents separated the year we got married. IMO, they should have divorced 10 yrs earlier. She put up with shit that should have made her just walk out.

 

[PBR]

you cannot get a man or a woman to make a commitment.
Commitment is an internal act. The ability to make a commitment is something we grow up to. its a developmental point, a willingness to be an adult. it is the ability to choose to direct ones life...
It happens inside.

some really great posts here...QT caused quite a stir...I lead my life from a spiritual perspective, i dont believe in fate, luck or a draw from the hat. I believe relationships go much deeper than what most described here...Doctrines , rules , labels, religions, judgements all have one thing in common- they change, they fail, they are temporary...love is everlasting no matter what position its in.

 

[superqt4u2nv]

some really great posts here...QT caused quite a stir....

Yeah I rule LOL But seriously some really great replies here I knew if we tried hard enough we could still have intelligant topics on C & C.

 

[PBR]

Yeah I rule LOL But seriously some really great replies here I knew if we tried hard enough we could still have intelligant topics on C & C.

you were very successful , and nobody got bombed!!!!! imagine that, in the midst of a heated and debatable subject no less, and no loss of life....maybe there's hope.

 

[HiDnGoD]

some really great posts here...QT caused quite a stir...I lead my life from a spiritual perspective, i dont believe in fate, luck or a draw from the hat. I believe relationships go much deeper than what most described here...Doctrines , rules , labels, religions, judgements all have one thing in common- they change, they fail, they are temporary...love is everlasting no matter what position its in.

I believe luck is an element, but only at the beginning. As in my case, it was pure luck that we met with each other and started dating. We'd both had partners who were, on the surface, better fits.. We honestly didn't know each other well enough to say we loved each other. I think we were just in love with an ideal, & we made it work.
I don't think love is ever lasting. How many people grow apart from too many external factors? There were times that I think I despised my wife & I'm sure she felt the same for me. I'm not sure how she dealt with it, but I would think of the way we used to feel together. I'd think about the things I'd loved about her & realize they were still inside her. In short, we fell out of love for a while, but we didn't give up. That's where it takes work & commitment. It's easy to stay married when everything is hunky dory. It's a little harder when things aren't so smooth. For the last 15 years it's been easy. A coupla years before that it was hard.

 

[curling]

Almost 21 years. The secret is to realize that marriage isn't suppose to be happy all the time. It is just like like peaks and valleys. That is why it bums me out when I hear people that get a divorce because they were probably just in a valley and the peak was around the corner. The other key is to try to make your partner as happy as possible because when you get love you want to return love.

 

[split endz]

you cannot get a man or a woman to make a commitment.
Commitment is an internal act. The ability to make a commitment is something we grow up to. its a developmental point, a willingness to be an adult. it is the ability to choose to direct ones life...
It happens inside.

some really great posts here...QT caused quite a stir...I lead my life from a spiritual perspective, i dont believe in fate, luck or a draw from the hat. I believe relationships go much deeper than what most described here...Doctrines , rules , labels, religions, judgements all have one thing in common- they change, they fail, they are temporary...love is everlasting no matter what position its in.

Dude, I knew from your avatar that you were cool, but, I have to say that was one of the most concisely intelligent posts I have ever seen. Very true words. Thank you.