Happily married people...

[jenscats5]

yes he was


If i deem my self single for ever, f**k it. If the person Im seeing cant understand that no matter what..... NO MATTER. My kids are before them then things just won't work.

I can't now nor ever put someone above them, my flesh, my blood, my responisibility. I mold them to what they will be and I want them to love and nurture and be responsible. If I walk away from them, for what ever reason or what ever time span, no matter how much I or someone may think its importance is.. it influences them.

I've been there, been the kid, and felt the rejection. My promise to myself when I decided that I wanted kids of my own was to NEVER do to them what i had to endure. I won't break that promise nor would i ever subject them to feeling like they are 2nd choice.

I'd die before I did that.

I wasn't speaking of totally rejecting one's children for a man or dumping the kids once some hot guy comes along.

What I WAS talking about was simple decency, respect & civility towards one's spouse, which should NEVER end just because one has children. Such as speaking to them with respect, showing appreciation for what they do, allowing them to share in the joy of the children also, maybe making some time with them - even tho the kids DO take a lot of time.

I wasn't referring to the extremes you brought up of total rejection, abuse or "group home" type stuff (yes I've seen that stuff 1sthand also and agree it's horrible). But just because one has kids doesn't mean one has begin to treat their SO badly.

Sorry if you were merely changing the subject.......

 

[Evil_Frisky]

I wasn't speaking of totally rejecting one's children for a man or dumping the kids once some hot guy comes along.

What I WAS talking about was simple decency, respect & civility towards one's spouse, which should NEVER end just because one has children. Such as speaking to them with respect, showing appreciation for what they do, allowing them to share in the joy of the children also, maybe making some time with them - even tho the kids DO take a lot of time.

I wasn't referring to the extremes you brought up of total rejection, abuse or "group home" type stuff (yes I've seen that stuff 1sthand also and agree it's horrible). But just because one has kids doesn't mean one has begin to treat their SO badly.

Sorry if you were merely changing the subject.......

I never NOT once said i treated my SO poorly.. hell I waited on him hand and foot. Provided for him catered to him, loved him unconditionally. I guarantee you he was never treated so good.

What I was referring to was this direct statement made by you, which I disagreed with. Not me being right or you being wrong. Just the way I live my life and I'd never put my SO first. That by no account means I am disrespectful to him, or ignore him. It means our time comes after WE have taken care of Family and responsibility.

You & your partner are FIRST - BEFORE work, BEFORE children, etc.......cuz eventually - the kids will move out, etc & you'll be sitting there looking at this person like Who the heck are they??

I don't expect for anyone to agree with my way of thinking.. hell doubtfully anyone will. Everyone has their way, their priorities. I Love my kids, currently I am a single mom. I won't ever accept someone in my life that can't accept that my kids come first. If I have to cancel dinner because of homework.. oh well.. they are first. even something as petty as my daughter really wants to spend time watching a movie so maybe we can reschedule.. sorry they come first.

Maybe this makes me the most sorry ass potiential wife/girlfriend. I'm sure it does. I wouldn't be with someone that ever put me above their kids. NEVER!

 

[HumorMe]

Cat fight!

 

[jenscats5]

I never NOT once said i treated my SO poorly.. hell I waited on him hand and foot. Provided for him catered to him, loved him unconditionally. I guarantee you he was never treated so good.

I never said you did treat him badly - nor did I ever suggest it. I was merely clarifying what I meant cuz you brought up more than once dumping the kids for a guy or abusive type stuff........neither of which is what I meant by my original statement

What I was referring to was this direct statement made by you, which I disagreed with. Not me being right or you being wrong. Just the way I live my life and I'd never put my SO first. That by no account means I am disrespectful to him, or ignore him. It means our time comes after WE have taken care of Family and responsibility.


I don't expect for anyone to agree with my way of thinking.. hell doubtfully anyone will. Everyone has their way, their priorities. I Love my kids, currently I am a single mom. I won't ever accept someone in my life that can't accept that my kids come first. If I have to cancel dinner because of homework.. oh well.. they are first. even something as petty as my daughter really wants to spend time watching a movie so maybe we can reschedule.. sorry they come first.

Maybe this makes me the most sorry ass potiential wife/girlfriend. I'm sure it does. I wouldn't be with someone that ever put me above their kids. NEVER!

Again, what I meant by putting one's partner first is by continuing to treat them as a person, doing certain things to make them feel special, stuff like that......Again, "putting someone first" DOES NOT necessarily mean one is ignoring one's kids for the sake of another, rejecting them, abusing them, neglecting them or doing X to make sure Social Services has to intervene.

I'm not saying I'm right or wrong here but we're apparantly speaking about two totally different things here.........

 

[Evil_Frisky]

Again, what I meant by putting one's partner first is by continuing to treat them as a person, doing certain things to make them feel special, stuff like that......Again, "putting someone first" DOES NOT necessarily mean one is ignoring one's kids for the sake of another, rejecting them, abusing them, neglecting them or doing X to make sure Social Services has to intervene.

I'm not saying I'm right or wrong here but we're apparantly speaking about two totally different things here.........

I won't get into a battle of what is right or what is wrong, honestly its not worth it to get that deep. A good relationship involves trust, honesty, friendship and loyalty. All of which has to be there for me before I take that step of even considering mass producing.... or in my case now, sharing my kids with my S/O.

Clearly we are on different pages. I misunderstood your post and ran with it.

and ill add to this once more before I am out for the evening, I'm not speaking of Social services or total neglect.. I am however speaking of a line of duty. I'm not and never did bring up any type of abuse that would even promp social services. What some DON'T understand is the unwritten.. that unspoken abuse that isn't often talked about. You don't have to put your spouse on a ladder to make him feel appreciated. He doesn't have to be revolved around for your relationship to be great.

Its equal.. and its a friendship. If he is truely a friend then he will understand.

 

[ChefWide]

I wouldnt consider a woman a person of integrity if the emotional and physical well being of her kids didnt surpass all other concerns on the radar.


The interesting part of this is you cant have any idea what you're on about with this topic if you DONT have kids of your own.


he said, she said. you cannot know the true depth of commitement and responisblity without being in the game yourlself, that goes for all things in life. you either KNOW. or you HEARD. two very different animals. otherwise, its theory.

 

[spongebob]

all of the above. honest communication, compromise, each one setting the 'foot' down sometimes. abitlity to grow and adapt. etc etc....

12yrs here and going strong.

 

[nycgirl]

I wouldnt consider a woman a person of integrity if the emotional and physical well being of her kids didnt surpass all other concerns on the radar.
The interesting part of this is you cant have any idea what you're on about with this topic if you DONT have kids of your own.

I strongly disagree. I think Jen's post was misunderstood. As I said in this and other posts, one does not have to be married and have children to understand certain things.

I know exactly what Jen is talking about because I saw it with my parent's marriage. My mom would always be on top of my sister and I, but rarely did she ask my Dad "How was your day?". She would always stay late at work but rarely show any affection to my father. She took care of all of the chores and catered to him (my Dad is an OLD-fashioned man) and when she couldn't my sister and I cooked and cleaned. Don't get me wrong, she loved him. But she neglected his emotional and physical needs.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

all of the above. honest communication, compromise, each one setting the 'foot' down sometimes. abitlity to grow and adapt. etc etc....

12yrs here and going strong.

YES!

 

[jenscats5]

I wouldnt consider a woman a person of integrity if the emotional and physical well being of her kids didnt surpass all other concerns on the radar.


The interesting part of this is you cant have any idea what you're on about with this topic if you DONT have kids of your own.


he said, she said. you cannot know the true depth of commitement and responisblity without being in the game yourlself, that goes for all things in life. you either KNOW. or you HEARD. two very different animals. otherwise, its theory.

I have to disagree with you since the original topic was about marriage and while I haven't given birth myself I DO have a step-child, thus am entitled to an opinion on child-rearing. Being a step parent can possibly be harder & more challenging than being a biological parent.

Plus, as an adopted person, one does not have to have biological kids to be a good and effective parent. Your post is almost an affront to all those who have adopted children or have become foster parents withougt producing thier own offspring.

Now back to the original topic......