Don't ask, don't tell....

[Spectre]

Oh my God! Bro - I have a MAJOR problem with this. My wife and I have been together for almost 5 years. We have been married just over a year. While she was in college, she fuked a lot of guys. I don't know a number because I am to terrified to ask. She has even told me that she thinks she was a sex addict. The problem is that a lot of these guys are NOT anonymous faces. I know a lot of them, and several have been Friends of mine in the past. She has had 2 guys at once on several occasions, several 3 somes with guy/another girl.

God - even writing this is making me want to cry.

I don't know why it bothers me so much. I know that she has always been and will always be faithfully to me. I have such a hard time coping with this that I have felt the need for counseling for myself - not her and myself. I know that it is MY problem. She has done nothing wrong. I love my wife with all of my heart and we have the most loving and fantastic relationship I could EVER dream of having. I am not one of those people that views sex as just sex. I have always been a one woman kind of guy - even in high school and beyond. I REALLY wish that she would have kept these things from me. Not lied, but not told me *quite* so much. These images pop into my head everyday of my wife on her back sucking some guys cock while another guys fucks her. God - I can't think of this anymore. These torturing thoughts enter my head daily and the last time I tried talking to my wife about it, she thought I was calling her a slut. I do not think a single bad thing about my wife. It's hard for me to make her understand it though when I don't understand it myself. If ANYONE knows of anyway to help me, please let me know. I would do anything to have these thoughts end and stop torturing me daily. I want to understand...

Goliath; I admire your self honesty with the situation. It's tough and I don't have any advice. But with your ability to be honest with yourself, I feel that you can work it all out gracefully. She found something in you she couldn't find otherwise and you are rewarded with her love a faithfulness. It will pass. Good luck

 

[goliath.jr]

Re: goliath

theres a prob dood. you do not sound like the type of guy that would even absent mindedly infer she was a slut. could she possibly be using this thing to jab you with? something to get under your skin? its not any of my business bro, but something about that post kinda set off a bell. i could be totally wrong.

Not at all bro - she treats me like a king. To be honest, these mental images are a lot worse when on a cycle. If I'm off, they are there, but are much more easily dismissed. I would never in a million years split up with her over this. She is a fantastic woman! When she told me about her past, I had to drag it out of her. The whole time I was asking about it, I knew that I really didn't want to know. It was like I just couldn't stop asking questions. She would NEVER do anything to hurt me...

 

[goliath.jr]

She found something in you she couldn't find otherwise and you are rewarded with her love a faithfulness. It will pass. Good luck

That's what she tells me and I feel the same. I know it will pass. I love this girl more than I thought was possible. In the 5 years we have been together, we have been in only one argument! We get along so well and are so compatible that it's scarry. I think we make other couples sick, LOL. Anyway - I'll work it out. It will just take time I think...

 

[goliath.jr]

Another VERY important thing that she tells me when we talk about this is the fact that she is a VERY different person now. She didn't like herself very much back then. I am a very different person now as well. Back then I was doing a lot of drugs. I don't do anything other than AAS now. We both have a lot more self respect and a mutual love for each other and for our lives together. We have all done things in the past that we are not proud of. God knows I have. We all have. But it is in the PAST! My wife is the most loving, tender, and caring person I have ever met. The type of person she has grown to become is the total oposite end of the spectrum from where she was in her college days. Besides - c'mon when you are in college, what are the two favorite past times of any student with a life - beer and fucking. Mine just happened to be beer and drugs, then fucking. I honestly feel better getting this stuff off of my chest. Now my favorite past times are making love to my wife, long walks in the park with my wife, fuking the hell out of my wife, getting kinky as hell with my wife...damn I can't wait till she gets home. I'm gonna tie her down and erm - nevermind. Thanks for listening (err, reading) guys. Thanks for the support - I feel better.

I'm off to the gym to throw some heavy stuff around...

 

[busdriver1]

Goliath, I feel your pain bro. I was in a similar situation. My girl had slept with a dozen men before me, no threesomes or anything like that, but however it was too many for me. I dated her for a year and a half, even thought of marying her one day, but everyday that i was with her I thought about all those guys she slept with and all those dicks she sucked. It bothered the hell out of me. I found myself treating her badly alot of times because of it. Sometimes I wouldn't let it bother me but most of the time I was thinking about it and it affected our relationship. I should have never asked but I knew her before we started dating and I knew about a few of the guys and I just wanted to know how many. I want to know everything about the person that i am going to marry. We even broke up a few times and I swore that if she took me back I would not let it bother me and love her for who she is, didnt work- I would be fine for about a week and then be right back to the way I felt before. She had told me that a few of the guys were one night stands and that made it worse. How can you respect a girl enough to marry her when she tells you things like that, I am sorry but I cant. My brothers both married virgins and I guess I envy that and want a girl like that. She doesnt have to be a virgin but a little purer than my ex. well anyway we broke up for good and yeh I missed being with her for awhile but once I got over that I have never been happier. I am telling you man, I know you married your girl and all but that feeling that you have aint never gonna go away. You really need to sit and think about it man. If it makes you depressed and angry and whatever else like it made me you need to get out or try to get over it quick because it will eat at you and eat at you until you will not be able to handle it any longer. you said that you viewed sex as being something more than just fuckin, I am with ya bro and i be damned if I am going to marry a girl that views sex as being nothing more than a kiss. Dont cheat yourself man, if it bothers you that much you need to check yourself and decide if you can get over it. I personally cant see how a person could marry a girl that has had numerous threesomes, you are a better man than me bro. But on the same note, if you can forgive and forget then more power to ya. But if you dont think you will ever stop thinking about it and it will bother you right on, you really need to think about your situation. And dont listen to those that say talk to her about it, It only makes it worse, it only puts more images in your head and you damn sure dont want that. Good luck to you bro.

 

[busdriver1]

And another thing, your girl says that she is a different person now and I am sure she is, but damn if you do enough of something eventually you're gonna get tired of doing it. And the whole thing about not feeling good about herself, yeh I heard that shit form my ex, screw that shit, girls gotta learn to respect themselves and their bodies. The whole bit about not feeling good about herself is a cop out, she knew that the only way to get any attention from all those guys was to sleep with them. Screw that, you cant respect that, i dont care when it happened, 5, 10, 20 years ago, whatever, she should have thought about what she was doing when she was doing it. Get out man! you deserve better!

 

[goliath.jr]

Sorry bro - I know you're trying to help. But I resent that post. I have nothing but respect for my wife. She is a beutifull person all the way around.

 

[Ceebs]

I don't remember the exact quote, but Chris Rock had a great standup routine about women in relationships and promiscuity. It went something like this: "No matter how many men a woman has been with before you, it's TOO! GOD! DAMN! MANY! She might say 'two', and you'll say, 'TWO?! You dirty whore!'."

I don't know how many girls my boyfriend has been with, and I don't care. What matters is that he didn't pick up a disease from any of them, and that I'm the one he's with now.

 

[busdriver1]

I apologize man, you sound like good people. I guess I need to learn how to forgive people for their past. I say that I have never been happier but I am not so sure. My ex and I could have enjoyed a long relationship if I could have got over my shit and a little stupid pride. Damn me and that girl had some good times. She was totally devoted to me and would do anything for me. Well, whats done is done and I guess and I have to live with that. Again man, I apologize for what I said and hope you and yours have a long and happy marriage.

 

[goliath.jr]

I apologize man, you sound like good people. I guess I need to learn how to forgive people for their past. I say that I have never been happier but I am not so sure. My ex and I could have enjoyed a long relationship if I could have got over my shit and a little stupid pride. Damn me and that girl had some good times. She was totally devoted to me and would do anything for me. Well, whats done is done and I guess and I have to live with that. Again man, I apologize for what I said and hope you and yours have a long and happy marriage.

Thank you - I'm sure we will...