Don't ask, don't tell....

[Saizen]

Originally posted by guards

except that i am a firm believer that our past is what makes us what we are in the present. Therefor, past partners will play a huge role in your current sexual situation.

I see what you're saying and I agree that passed experiences can and will shape and mold us to define our present character, morals, views and opinions. But on that token I think that one should not live in the passed because that is not healthy in my view. The passed, is just that, the passed. Focus on what is infront of you presently and don't bothered with passed issues.

 

[guards]

Originally posted by guards



I see what you're saying and I agree that passed experiences can and will shape and mold us to define our present character, morals, views and opinions. But on that token I think that one should not live in the passed because that is not healthy in my view. The passed, is just that, the passed. Focus on what is infront of you presently and don't bothered with passed issues.

In a perfect world, the absence of the past would be complete bliss. I totally agree with you that living in the past is not something that is healthy nor is it something that should be common-place. That being said, when it comes to my girls past sexual partners and experiences, i have a terribly difficult time not letting the past influence the present. Maybe it is a state of mind that i am not party to, i do not know, but I will never be able to be with someone whose sexual history does not correspond with what I deem as the ideal or acceptable.

It's not a perfect system but it hasn't failed me thus far.

 

[drgoodbody]

Maybe it is a state of mind that i am not party to, i do not know, but I will never be able to be with someone whose sexual history does not correspond with what I deem as the ideal or acceptable.

That is the essence of what I am talking about in my original post. For example you've been with 7-8 women in your life and you know that your girl has been with at least 2-3 times that number. Do you really want to know the details behind this? Or would it basically turn you off completely and send you running for the nearest bathroom to puke your guts out? I don't want to stick my head in the sand, but shit, I've learned that sometimes to certain degree "ignore is bliss".

DrG

 

[Saizen]

Originally posted by guards

In a perfect world, the absence of the past would be complete bliss. I totally agree with you that living in the past is not something that is healthy nor is it something that should be common-place. That being said, when it comes to my girls past sexual partners and experiences, i have a terribly difficult time not letting the past influence the present. Maybe it is a state of mind that i am not party to, i do not know, but I will never be able to be with someone whose sexual history does not correspond with what I deem as the ideal or acceptable.

I know couple of good friends of mine share your same sentiment on the matter, which I totally respect, by the way, and don't find anything wrong with. But, they seem to have this "macho test." filled mentality that if they were ever to find out that the women slept with more people than they have, they would have some sense of inferiority? Or even consider the woman a slut! Now mind you, I don't know you at all and by no means am I implying that this would apply to you in any way shape or form. But as for my friends, they would never be able to cope with knowing that their partner had more partners than they had.

Let me ask you this. I'm not sure if your married or have a g/f, but, let just say you met this awesome looking women, smart, fun to be with and everything is perfect but you find out that she had more sexual partners than you. Would you stop dating her because of her passed? Would you end a possible great relationship because of what happened a few years back and knowing full well that you have no control over what has happened in the passed?

 

[guards]

Originally posted by guards



I know couple of good friends of mine share your same sentiment on the matter, which I totally respect, by the way, and don't find anything wrong with. But, they seem to have this "macho test." filled mentality that if they were ever to find out that the women slept with more people than they have, they would have some sense of inferiority? Or even consider the woman a slut! Now mind you, I don't know you at all and by no means am I implying that this would apply to you in any way shape or form. But as for my friends, they would never be able to cope with knowing that their partner had more partners than they had.

Let me ask you this. I'm not sure if your married or have a g/f, but, let just say you met this awesome looking women, smart, fun to be with and everything is perfect but you find out that she had more sexual partners than you. Would you stop dating her because of her passed? Would you end a possible great relationship because of what happened a few years back and knowing full well that you have no control over what has happened in the passed?

I don't believe I would not date someone because of how many sexual partners that they had had. I like to think i am more mature than that. However, it will not stop me from thinking about it. Depending on the person and so many other variables, the thought could help or ruin the relationship in question.

For example:

If my new girlfriend had slept with 100 people, and was blatantly open about that fact, and continued to act promiscuous, it would bother.

OR

If my new girlfriend had slept with 100 people but was dicreet abotu it IE didn;'t rub my face in it, than i don't see how it would be a problem.


I have a shady past myself, so putting the past behind us is an important thing, I agree. Yet it is how the past is applied to the present and the future that matters most to me.


Did I lose ya there?

 

[Sinistar]

i differ

first let me say i am an angry, bitter man.

the number matters to me. if she blows me out of the water like 3 to 1 im not insecure, im jealous. im very serious, im jealous and competitive. it makes me wonder why i dont meet more sluts like the one i WAS thinking about dating.

i dont think numbers talk or talk of past lovers is meant for pre-first-fuck discussion. if youve been around, and lets be real here, and unless you damn sure he has been to youd be better off shutting what we call the fuck up. after hes been there a few times and youve got a repiore, and if you just HAVE to tell him, try it. then live with what happens. after all you just HAD to tell him and HAD to know.

tell him your porno like number before hooking up, and i gaurantee most guys, like %70 at least, will stop calling or just bang you and then stop calling.

but think of it this way: you helped a guy get another notch on his belt, and its not like meeting men is a problem for you right?

 

[goliath.jr]

Oh my God! Bro - I have a MAJOR problem with this. My wife and I have been together for almost 5 years. We have been married just over a year. While she was in college, she fuked a lot of guys. I don't know a number because I am to terrified to ask. She has even told me that she thinks she was a sex addict. The problem is that a lot of these guys are NOT anonymous faces. I know a lot of them, and several have been Friends of mine in the past. She has had 2 guys at once on several occasions, several 3 somes with guy/another girl.

God - even writing this is making me want to cry.

I don't know why it bothers me so much. I know that she has always been and will always be faithfully to me. I have such a hard time coping with this that I have felt the need for counseling for myself - not her and myself. I know that it is MY problem. She has done nothing wrong. I love my wife with all of my heart and we have the most loving and fantastic relationship I could EVER dream of having. I am not one of those people that views sex as just sex. I have always been a one woman kind of guy - even in high school and beyond. I REALLY wish that she would have kept these things from me. Not lied, but not told me *quite* so much. These images pop into my head everyday of my wife on her back sucking some guys cock while another guys fucks her. God - I can't think of this anymore. These torturing thoughts enter my head daily and the last time I tried talking to my wife about it, she thought I was calling her a slut. I do not think a single bad thing about my wife. It's hard for me to make her understand it though when I don't understand it myself. If ANYONE knows of anyway to help me, please let me know. I would do anything to have these thoughts end and stop torturing me daily. I want to understand...

 

[goliath.jr]

Jesus man - maybe I am really insecure with myself? But I don't think so - I hold my head high! I KNOW my wife would never cheat on me. Maybe it is jealosy, being competitive - FUK I don't know...

 

[drgoodbody]

Oh my God! Bro - I have a MAJOR problem with this. My wife and I have been together for almost 5 years. We have been married just over a year. While she was in college, she fuked a lot of guys. I don't know a number because I am to terrified to ask. She has even told me that she thinks she was a sex addict. The problem is that a lot of these guys are NOT anonymous faces. I know a lot of them, and several have been Friends of mine in the past. She has had 2 guys at once on several occasions, several 3 somes with guy/another girl.

God - even writing this is making me want to cry.

I don't know why it bothers me so much. I know that she has always been and will always be faithfully to me. I have such a hard time coping with this that I have felt the need for counseling for myself - not her and myself. I know that it is MY problem. She has done nothing wrong. I love my wife with all of my heart and we have the most loving and fantastic relationship I could EVER dream of having. I am not one of those people that views sex as just sex. I have always been a one woman kind of guy - even in high school and beyond. I REALLY wish that she would have kept these things from me. Not lied, but not told me *quite* so much. These images pop into my head everyday of my wife on her back sucking some guys cock while another guys fucks her. God - I can't think of this anymore. These torturing thoughts enter my head daily and the last time I tried talking to my wife about it, she thought I was calling her a slut. I do not think a single bad thing about my wife. It's hard for me to make her understand it though when I don't understand it myself. If ANYONE knows of anyway to help me, please let me know. I would do anything to have these thoughts end and stop torturing me daily. I want to understand...

Bro, your post is breaking my heart - and that's not easy to do. I hate hearing about the visions in your head, and yes, it certainly would be better if you didn't know as much as you do. But if you really love her, and want to stay with her, you have to eventually let it go. Otherwise it will consume you and you will never be able to truly be happy. Ultimately, if you can't let it go, then you might be better off letting her go. I hate to say that, but that's what might be best in the long run.

Stay strong Bro,

DrG

PS: Try to talk to her about how you feel without calling her a slut - let her know you love her and that you know these things are ancient history, but that the thought of her with anyone but you hurts so bad. And that you hope by communicating about it that you will get some relief - and hopefullyshe will let you know just how much you mean to her too. That's the only advice I've got bro.

 

[Sinistar]

goliath

theres a prob dood. you do not sound like the type of guy that would even absent mindedly infer she was a slut. could she possibly be using this thing to jab you with? something to get under your skin? its not any of my business bro, but something about that post kinda set off a bell. i could be totally wrong.