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Depression and then some

Arias

New member
I know most of you guys don't give a fuck but i am suffering from severe depression. I started lifting weights to nullify the effects but it seems as if things are catching up to me. I cannot concentrate at work or at the gym. I am going throught a ugly divorce that bleeding me dry emotionally and physically. Does AS contribute to this? I am currently taking 400mg of Prop ED soon to be followed by 150 mg of Tren ED. I take anti e's like Nolve ED but it seems like the world is crashing down on me. This is not a cry for help or sympathy but more like a request for an answer. It seems as if the end is near because my soon-to-be ex-wife is taking the only thing that matters to me.............my 4yr old son. I have hired a lawyer but she isn't worth the shit. She (the lawyer) is only out for the money (which she already has) so what happens to me does'nt matter. Just some info on me, I put my son as my # 1 priority and nothing else. My ex-wife to be's lawyer is eating me alive with bullshit whats a bro to do? I cannot just sit back and let this happen to me. I have lived too honest of a lifestyle to be walked on and sit back and let the immoralities of my non-sugnificaqnt others lifestyle raise my son to her liking. I'm sorry to bother you with my problems but I have looked to this board for answers for a long time. Can anyone help me? I don't want this to be the end. Sorry for all the self pitty BS. If you read this post and have nothing positive to say please don't respond. Thank you for reading and God Bless!

Arias
 
bro if things are really that bad........go to a doctor and see if you can get on some meds. thats why they make them man. they help people through times like that
 
I am currently taking Paxil and Lorazapam (ativan) but that shit doesn't scratch the surface. I think it's too little too late. I've tried to reconcile with the ex for my son's sake but thats not an option to her at this time. See she likes being single and having no bills (lives with mom n pop) and having no responsibility. I on the other hand have my own house and my own bills. I just think its time. No meds (anti-depressants) can help now but thanks for the input. God Bless!

Arias
 
ok look:

i would really suggest 2 things here....

1. make sure you take care of your son and treat him well. fuck the ex! stop feeling sorry for yourself. get back on your feet. write down your goals. wake up with a new outlook. get some confindence back. keep digging away at life. pull yourself out of this. look to God. do what you have to do. just don't let yourself get down.


2. kill the wife?
 
Most importantly, decrease and eventually stop the ativan. Try having your doc switch to another antidepressant such as effexor or zoloft.

Get a Bahamas bank account now and move money to it.

Change your car to a lease and put other assets in other family member's names.

Church cant hurt. Family support is very important too.

Let the grieveing process happen. Time heals all.

T
 
Here is a post i made on a different board regarding possible physiological issues. Hope it helps.

There are many side effects of AS some of which you may have realised some of which you may never. This discussion point / information is not to scare you but to offer advice.
Men taking anabolic steroids run the risk of changes in sexual characteristics as well as changes in reproductive functioning. The following may also be experienced:
a. baldness
b. difficulty urinating
c. enlarged prostate
d. breast development
e. reduced sperm count
f. impotence
g. testicular shrinkage
Women who abuse anabolic steroids may also experience negative effects which can include:
a. facial hair growth
b. changes in or absence of menstrual periods
c. breast reduction
d. deepened tone of voice
e. clitoral enlargement
Side effects which may be common in both sexes include:
a. swollen feet and ankles
b. acne
c. jaundice
d. trembling
e. liver damage
f. halitosis
g. high blood pressure
h. various cancers
i. aching joints and increased joint injuries
j. reduction in HDL cholesterol

But what is not discussed is the possible physiological issues. We have all heard of roid rage but with more and more research being conducted this is the official stance:
Administration of AS may affect behavior. Increased testosterone levels in the blood are associated with masculine behavior, aggressiveness and increased sexual desire. Increased aggressiveness may be beneficial for athletic training, but may also lead to overt violence outside the gym or the track. There are reports of violent, criminal behavior in individuals taking AS. Other side effects of AS are euphoria, confusion, sleeping disorders, pathological anxiety, paranoia, and hallucinations.
Anabolic steroid users may become dependent on the drug, with symptoms of withdrawal after cessation of drug use. The withdrawal symptoms consist of aggressive and violent behavior, mental depression with suicidal behavior, mood changes, and in some cases acute psychosis. At present it is unknown which individuals are particularly at risk. It is likely that great individual differences in responsiveness may exist. Some individuals try to minimize the withdrawal affects by administration of human choriogonadotropins (hCG), in order to enhance endogenous testosterone production. However, it is unknown in how far the hCG administration is successful in ameliorating the withdrawal effects.

I will not say I agree with all the comments above but evidence does show that long term AS can cause distorted thinking (i.e. depression, anxiety etc). There is however a therapy being used by many athletes (due IMHO to increased usage of AS) it is called:
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy.(CBT)

CBT is a form of psychotherapy that emphasizes the important role of thinking in how we feel and what we do. Cognitive-behavioral therapist teach that when our brains are healthy, it is our thinking that causes us to feel and act the way we do. Therefore, if we are experiencing unwanted feelings and behaviors, it is important to identify the thinking that is causing the feelings / behaviors and to learn how to replace this thinking with thoughts that lead to more desirable reactions.

There are several approaches to cognitive-behavioral therapy, including Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, Rational Behavior Therapy, Rational Living Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, and Dialectic Behavior Therapy.

However, most cognitive-behavioral therapies have the following characteristics:

1. CBT is based on the Cognitive Model of Emotional Response.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the scientific fact that our thoughts
cause our feels and behaviors, not external things, like people, situations, and
events. The benefit of this fact is that we can change the way we think to
feel / act better even if the situation has not changed. .
3. A sound therapeutic relationship is necessary for effective therapy, but
not the focus.
Some forms of therapy assume that the main reason people get better in
therapy is because of the positive relationship between the therapist and
client. Cognitive-behavioral therapists believe it is important to have a good,
trusting relationship, but that is not enough. CBT therapists believe that the
client changes when they learn to think differently; therefore, CBT therapists
focus on teaching rational self-counseling skills.
4. CBT is a collaborative effort between the therapist and the client.
Cognitive-behavioral therapist seek to learn what their clients want out of life
(their goals) and then help their clients achieve those goals. The therapist's
role is to listen, teach, and encourage, while the client's roles is to speak,
learn, and implement what they learn.
5. CBT is based on stoic philosophy.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy does not tell people how to feel. However, most
people seeking therapy do not want to feel they way they do. CBT teaches
the benefits of feeling, at worst, calm when confronted with undesirable
situations. It also emphasizes the fact that we have our undesirable situations
whether we are upset about them or not. If we are upset about our problems,
we have two problems -- the problem, and our upset about it. Most sane
people want to have the fewest number of problems possible.

6. CBT uses the Socratic Method.
Cognitive-behavioral therapists want to gain a very good understanding of
their clients concerns. That's why they often ask questions. They also
encourage their clients to ask questions of themselves, like, "How do I
really know that those people are laughing at me?" "Could they be laughing
about something else?"

7. CBT is structured and directive.
Cognitive-behavioral therapists have a specific agenda for each session.
Specific techniques / concepts are taught during each session. CBT
focuses on helping the client achieve the goals they have set. CBT is
directive in that respect. However, CBT therapists do not tell their clients
what to do -- rather, they teach their clients how to do.

8. CBT is based on an educational model.
CBT is based on the scientifically supported assumption that most emotional
and behavioral reactions are learned. Therefore, the goal of therapy is to
help clients unlearn their unwanted reactions and to learn a new way of
reacting. While CBT therapists do not present themselves as "know-it-alls",
the assumption is that if clients knew what the therapist had to teach them,
the clients would not have the emotional / behavioral problems they are
experiencing.

Therefore, CBT has nothing to do with "just talking". People can "just talk"
with anyone.

The educational emphasis of CBT has an additional benefit -- it leads to
long term results. When people understand how and why they are doing
well, they can continue doing what they are doing to make themselves well.

9. CBT theory and techniques rely on the Inductive Method.
A central aspect of Rational thinking is that it is based on fact, not simply
our assumptions made. Often, we upset ourselves about things when, in
fact, the situation isn't like we thought it was. Had we known that, we would
not have wasted our time upsetting ourselves.

Therefore, the inductive method encourages us to look at our thoughts as
being hypotheses that can be questioned and tested. If we find that our
hypotheses are incorrect (because we have new information), then we can
change our thinking to be in line with how the situation really is.

There are over 25 very common mental mistakes that people make that cause
them to not have the facts straight.

Hope you find this interesting

References Used

Harm Kuipers, M.D., Ph.D.
Department of Physiology
University of Limburg

Kuipers, H. (1998). Anabolic steroids: side effects. In: Encyclopedia of Sports Medicine and Science, T.D.Fahey (Editor). Internet Society for Sport Science: http://sportsci.org. 7 March 1998.


Wrongun!
 
I have gone thru depression and a divorce in the last year. No child thank God but it still was rough. But there is a positive end to all this your going thru. You cant see it now but by strengthening your self with the right approaches from different angles you can become a Humvee thru the mire. The strength is there inside, just got to tap it. Form a profile of self worth and positive achievements and Faith to work thru the grief. Not a Bible toter but it can help tremendously to recognize the little signs that are telling you something, the small answers to some of the questions you are struggling with. Pm me any time.
 
What you are going through is completely natural given your situation. As a father that has come close to losing his children, I completely empathize with you and know part of the pain you feel. Just remember that it is normal -- and a positive thing.

One little thing that may help you is when things get really tough, say out loud to yourself "I am alive, I will survive." Sounds stupid, but you'd be amazed at how it can help.

There's nothing that can stave off the everyday involvement in your child's life, but you can commit to increasing the quality of time that you two have together after the divorce. Remember, to a large extent, your kiddo needs you to keep it together.

If there's even an inkling of saving the marriage at this point, go to the link in my sig and spend some time there. There is also a fantastic discussion board over there that you may find helpful.

I'd stay on the test, but consider dropping the tren as some people have reported increased aggression/moodiness on it. I'd also make sure that the nolva I took was the bare minimum required.

As mentioned above, I'd make a switch to effexor, but I'd also give inositol hexophosphate a try at 10 - 15 gr/day over 3 doses.

If you're not in counseling yet, go. It is covered by insurance and there is no shame in going. It's just like if a car breaks down, you take it to a professional to fix -- if your feelings break down, go to a professional.

Keep working out -- it will help a lot. Also, do something for yourself -- go get a haircut or some new clothes. In some ways, which you will soon come to understand, when doors close, others open -- you have an opportunity at freedom here, perhaps you will come to appreciate that in the upcoming months.

Go get the book "letting go of love" -- I can't remember the author right now, but if I remember, I will let you know.

You are OK. You will make it through this. You are a strong person. Your child needs you to keep it together. Everything is two steps forward, one step back. It is OK to feel bad sometimes, but it will get better.

Hang in there.
 
Arias, truly sorry to hear about your problems. I just hate to see good people suffer.

One question. You said you're using 400 mg of prob EVERY DAY. Bro, that's nearly three grams a week! Don't you think there's a chance that this dosage could be exacerbating your problem. I know for a fact that that much test would make me fucking crazzy.

Best of luck. Sending good thoughts your way.
 
I know many people may not agree with me on this one but bro, you have to look to God to help you with this situation. You cant do this on your own without his help. Look to him to guide you and I promise you all will turn out well. I promise.

God bless bro, and dont underestimate the power of prayer!!
 
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