wow, this discussion still rolling and we're merely discussing ethanol containing beverages
Best alternative is obviously to abstain, but if you insist:
1) Heroin - it's only 1/10 as toxic or dangerous as alcohol or as people are led to believe it is; relatively cheap, too, esp if you inject cheaper than alcohol at the bar stand. Takes pain away, doesn't let you go to sleep either
2) Other opiates - very effective (remember opioid receptor agonism=happiness, DA-agonism=compulsiveness)
3) Benzo's - GABA is an inhibitory neurotransmitter, but this stuff makes you lose your inhibitions
4) Non-benzo GABAergics (ex: neurontin) - focus/stimulation through relaxation (ie anxiolysis) and dulling effects (anaesthetic properties)
5) OTC GABAergics - too many to name: valerian, kava kava, phenibut - needs to be megadosed to produce desired effects - heroin/benzo's are cheaper by far
All of the above are best used when combined with other 'party aids' - ie 'caine, shards, E=xTc, etc to facilitate a comedown

Seriously, alcohol is much much more toxic than most of the stuff you can consume unless you're drinking battery acid!