Who would you add to the list?
1.) Captain Kirk - The only documented universal pimp in history. The leader of the Starship Enterprise has boned the hottest women of every alien race across the universe. Why wouldn't he bone your girl? The only reason you can get pissed at him is if he gives your girl a nasty case of the Klingon Clap, which she then passes on to you. Otherwise, don't be pissed when Scotty beams him into your woman’s lotus flower.
2.) Brad Pitt - If the last two women a man had sex with were Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston, and the women he chooses for his next conquest is your girl, there is no way you should feel upset about this. You should feel both honored and privileged. Your woman must be among the hottest 3 girls on the planet.
3.) The Rock - Seriously what are you going to do? He is bigger than you, stronger than you, and most likely funnier than you too. Just chalk this one up as an L and move on with life. Besides, too many years of steroid abuse have most likely shriveled his crank to the size of a golf pencil.... or at least you can keep telling yourself that.
4.) Doug Flutie - Never before has one man brought an entire team as well as their legions of fans to their knees. Flutie did this to "The U" ... why should your girl be any different.
5.) Billy Idol - well, since he probably boned her mother, it must run in the family. you can't fight genetics. Just hope that she isn't his bastard child. That would just be weird.
6.) Kobe Bryant - We all know what happened to him the last time he cheated on his wife. If he is willing to take that risk again by boning your lady then she must be incredibly hot.... or she could just be a young, white woman working at a hotel.
7.) 007 - He can walk into any bar in the world and they know his drink order through mere eye contact, and his name is a NUMBER. Those two reasons alone make me horny......I know he isn't real, but if he was, you would probably just call him up and ask him to bone your girl. Then you could tell everybody that you're dating a Bond Girl. Plus, you might get Q to build you some cool ass rocket launcher for your car. See, everybody wins.
8.) Trent from Swingers - He is as cool as you wish you were. Actually, he's probably cooler. If he boned your girl it would give you a chance to hang out with him for a while and maybe a bit of that coolness will rub off on you. Plus you know you could never stay mad at him anyway. He'd probably just think up some witty nickname for you, destroy you in some Sega Hockey while openly mocking you in front of your friends, and then you would hit all of the cool underground clubs in LA where he would score another beautiful baby. That doesn't sound so bad does it?
9.) Tony Soprano - You know what... it's just not worth dying for... it really isn't.
10.) Bill Gates - He is the richest man in the world as well as one of the ugliest. So you know your girl is only doing it for the cash. The extortion possibilities are endless. And if you are lucky, maybe he planted his seed in your woman, and if that’s the case then you just hit the baby lottery!
11.) Bruce Lee - He may be able to kick your ass, and he might even be able to defeat Chuck Norris in hand to hand combat... but he will not be able to please your woman. After all.... he IS Asian. And you know what that means.
12.) Don Johnson - come on you douchebags. You already wear the pink shirts. And I'm sure you "pop the collar" don't you? You already wear the 80's style sunglasses and white jackets. You worship this man. Now, after he bangs your lady, it will be sort of like you had sex with him. That’s what you really want... isn't it? Fags.
13.) Winston Churchill - There is a saying in my world and it goes like this, "If you defeat Hitler and the Nazi's then you get a shot with my girl." Period. This saying is true for every free-born male on the planet.
14.) Tom Selleck - There are powers in that mustache that we do not understand. Your girl probably had a crush on him when she was little and he was Magnum PI. Plus, no matter how hairy you are, he is guaranteed to have more body hair than you.... Christ, he looks like a partially shaved wookie. So thusly you will look less hairy from that point forward in her eyes. Another bonus, he might let you sit in that Ferrari he had.
15.) Dan Marino - You may say, "But JT, he's not cool anymore, not that good looking, he's boring and he doesn't have any exciting qualities," and you're right. But that uncool, ugly, boring man with no qualities once threw for 5,000 yards man..... 5,000 yards.
16.) Any Superhero.... Except for Daredevil - Look Daredevil may not be gay, it may just be Ben Affleck... but it doesn't matter whose fault it is because they both fell off the cool list a long time ago. As for the others, they are HEROES.... with SUPER POWERS. You really can't compete with that. Plus if she bangs Catwoman (as played by either Michelle Pfeiffer or Halle Barry) that would be awesome.
1.) Captain Kirk - The only documented universal pimp in history. The leader of the Starship Enterprise has boned the hottest women of every alien race across the universe. Why wouldn't he bone your girl? The only reason you can get pissed at him is if he gives your girl a nasty case of the Klingon Clap, which she then passes on to you. Otherwise, don't be pissed when Scotty beams him into your woman’s lotus flower.
2.) Brad Pitt - If the last two women a man had sex with were Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston, and the women he chooses for his next conquest is your girl, there is no way you should feel upset about this. You should feel both honored and privileged. Your woman must be among the hottest 3 girls on the planet.
3.) The Rock - Seriously what are you going to do? He is bigger than you, stronger than you, and most likely funnier than you too. Just chalk this one up as an L and move on with life. Besides, too many years of steroid abuse have most likely shriveled his crank to the size of a golf pencil.... or at least you can keep telling yourself that.
4.) Doug Flutie - Never before has one man brought an entire team as well as their legions of fans to their knees. Flutie did this to "The U" ... why should your girl be any different.
5.) Billy Idol - well, since he probably boned her mother, it must run in the family. you can't fight genetics. Just hope that she isn't his bastard child. That would just be weird.
6.) Kobe Bryant - We all know what happened to him the last time he cheated on his wife. If he is willing to take that risk again by boning your lady then she must be incredibly hot.... or she could just be a young, white woman working at a hotel.
7.) 007 - He can walk into any bar in the world and they know his drink order through mere eye contact, and his name is a NUMBER. Those two reasons alone make me horny......I know he isn't real, but if he was, you would probably just call him up and ask him to bone your girl. Then you could tell everybody that you're dating a Bond Girl. Plus, you might get Q to build you some cool ass rocket launcher for your car. See, everybody wins.
8.) Trent from Swingers - He is as cool as you wish you were. Actually, he's probably cooler. If he boned your girl it would give you a chance to hang out with him for a while and maybe a bit of that coolness will rub off on you. Plus you know you could never stay mad at him anyway. He'd probably just think up some witty nickname for you, destroy you in some Sega Hockey while openly mocking you in front of your friends, and then you would hit all of the cool underground clubs in LA where he would score another beautiful baby. That doesn't sound so bad does it?
9.) Tony Soprano - You know what... it's just not worth dying for... it really isn't.
10.) Bill Gates - He is the richest man in the world as well as one of the ugliest. So you know your girl is only doing it for the cash. The extortion possibilities are endless. And if you are lucky, maybe he planted his seed in your woman, and if that’s the case then you just hit the baby lottery!
11.) Bruce Lee - He may be able to kick your ass, and he might even be able to defeat Chuck Norris in hand to hand combat... but he will not be able to please your woman. After all.... he IS Asian. And you know what that means.
12.) Don Johnson - come on you douchebags. You already wear the pink shirts. And I'm sure you "pop the collar" don't you? You already wear the 80's style sunglasses and white jackets. You worship this man. Now, after he bangs your lady, it will be sort of like you had sex with him. That’s what you really want... isn't it? Fags.
13.) Winston Churchill - There is a saying in my world and it goes like this, "If you defeat Hitler and the Nazi's then you get a shot with my girl." Period. This saying is true for every free-born male on the planet.
14.) Tom Selleck - There are powers in that mustache that we do not understand. Your girl probably had a crush on him when she was little and he was Magnum PI. Plus, no matter how hairy you are, he is guaranteed to have more body hair than you.... Christ, he looks like a partially shaved wookie. So thusly you will look less hairy from that point forward in her eyes. Another bonus, he might let you sit in that Ferrari he had.
15.) Dan Marino - You may say, "But JT, he's not cool anymore, not that good looking, he's boring and he doesn't have any exciting qualities," and you're right. But that uncool, ugly, boring man with no qualities once threw for 5,000 yards man..... 5,000 yards.
16.) Any Superhero.... Except for Daredevil - Look Daredevil may not be gay, it may just be Ben Affleck... but it doesn't matter whose fault it is because they both fell off the cool list a long time ago. As for the others, they are HEROES.... with SUPER POWERS. You really can't compete with that. Plus if she bangs Catwoman (as played by either Michelle Pfeiffer or Halle Barry) that would be awesome.