For 5k a day, I will come to your house with a baseball bat and a gun. If you cheat, I will beat the living fuck out of you. I will be your constant companion 24/7, I will accompany you everywhere. The bathroom, the gym, I will sit in a chair next to your bed while you do your gf. And if I hear the fridge door crack open in the middle of the night, ill crack you over the head, tie you up in a chair, and order $60.00 worth of carryout and eat every fucking bit of it right in front of you.
And ill use your credit card to pay for it.