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Update on my first competition!
- Thread starter TrapQueen
- Start date
florencia
Banned
Hi! I saw your pictures of the competition, and I cannot figure out who won first place...I think you were the best.TrapQueen said:You guys are awesome!Love the support
Trapqueen
Are you doing better with the eating disorder? I think it would be great if you share your thoughts, and how the mind kinda plays tricks on you...It does to me so...LOL I am supposing it happens to you too!
I iamgine if I lower my BF to 14 I will never want to get it back to actual 18...
How does that come into play? Such hard work and not wanting to let go of food rythm?Because of rise in BF%?
florencia said:
hi there! if you go to www.graphicmuscle.com when you click on jr. california on the right it'll show on the next page in the middle the 1st place winner. i do think it was close.
the eating disorder ... daily struggle, definitely went overboard on the food for the week after the show, this last week i've struggled to get control again. i stopped eating recreational sugar nine months ago, which took a loooong time to finally be willing to let go, and now i've had to let go of some other foods. i've overcome other addictions that people would think would be much harder, but this is the toughest thing ever. the obsession is relentless, the compulsion is beyond powerful. overall it IS getting better, i'm making progress, but this is the "mean time" right now. the depression is pretty bad. all my shorts are too tight to wear. i'm disgusted. the thing getting me through is knowing that this-as w/everything else in life-is temporary. and i know the next time i go through this-competing-i'll be more recovered and will have a healthier relationship w/food. i definitely understand the mind playing tricks, it is like i am two people w/totally opposing wills, and can change from one to the next in an instant, that's addiction. how crazy is it to take diuretics and fatburners, drink distilled water and do cardio in the morning, only to binge that night? only the insanity of addiction can make me do such things, i don't want to do this to myself. i had the same thought of if i get my bf% low enough i won't want to go back up and that would be motivation enough to keep me there, but once again i was humbled by the power of the compulsion. i have faith it won't always be like this bc of overcoming the other addictions, i just have to keep doing the work and become more willing to let go. thanks for asking about this, i know i need to share this stuff. if i didn't answer all your questions, let me know. p.s. they put more of my pix up on http://www.graphicmuscle.com/index.cfm?go2=contests_competitor&CompetitorID=10965
i had to do a bev francis on that last one--i love her.
take care, talk soon
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