thebabydoc, what is the worst vagina you've seen?

[Spartacus]

DARK

DEPENDING ON HOW LONG THE BODY HAS BEEN DECOMPOSING, THE SMELL IS SOMETHING YOU NVR WANT TO SMELL AGAIN AND IT CANT BE COMPARED TO ANYTHING. I HAVE A VERY TOUGH STOMACH/MIND. SO NOTHING REALLY TURNS MY STOMACH EXCEPT PUKE AND CHILDBIRTH. BUT THAT SMELL HAS MADE ME GAG A FEW TIMES.

I PICKED UP A BODY OF A RUSSIAN SAILOR OUT OF THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER ONCE. IT SMELLED SO BAD, THE VAN WE TRANSPORTED THE BODY IN SMELLED SO BAD JUST FROM HAVING THE BODY IN IT, WE HAD TO HAVE IT STEAM CLEANED TWO TIMES AND HURRY UP AND SELL IT BEFORE THE STINCH STARTED TO COME OUT AGAIN. HE HAD CRABS AND OTHER PARASITES EATING THE INSIDE OF HIS EYES, EARS, NOSE, AND ANY OTHER orifice THEY COULD GET INTO.
..KAYNE knows the biz...I'm a mortician and our family has a funeral home and cemetery..on a side note,cemeteries are much more of a bitch to operate than the funeral side..we have about 3000 memorials in our cemetery and just cutting the grass and weed eating around the memorials is very labor intensive..when things get slow I'll go out in the cemetery and weed eat in shorts w/o a shirt..great exercise and i can get a tan to boot..filling in the graves after the burial is a science in itself...it takes a couple of good hard rains to get the dirt to settle and then you have to refill and spot refill,pack it again...set the memorial level..etc,etc,..and then you have to sod the grave...imagine sodding about 50 graves every couple of months..trying to get all the graves level and packed before we bring in the sod..and hten too,once that grave is there..the family can come in years later and bellyache about some aspect of grandma's grave..a good storm will come through and blow the artficial flowers all over the cemetery..and the family will come in "where my damn flowers?who stole my flowers?"..i understand why they are upset as these arangements can cost close to 50..but we can't figure out whose is whose after the storm..I'll tell you this,we earn about a dollar and half for every dollar we make..now for my nasty body story..one time in midsummer we got a call to make a removal at a residence..me and my mom got about a mile down the road when my mom mentioned that the deceased had been dead a couple to three days..I was thinking well shit now you tell me..so i turned the hearse around and went back to get my respirator mask..its like a gas mask and you can't smell anything(just don't retch when you have it on)..so we got to the house and i backed the hearse into the driveway..I looked over at the house and noticed the dryer vent and there was a swarm of flys hovering around the dryer vent..then the cops gave me directions as to where the body was within the house..no thye didn't take me into the house,the told me where I could find "her"..between the fly rally and the fact that the cops wouldn't even reenter the house..I knew I was going to earn my money that day...well she was heavy and had been baking within the hot alabama sun in the house for about 3 days..the fly swarm got thicker inside and the AC wasn't on(older people on limited income won't run the AC constantly)..well she was face down in the bathroom and her massive size was ballooned form decomp gases and she was purging form her orifices....I got in position to move her out of the bathroom and she was parked right over a floor vent(the AC floor vent was right between her legs)..i heard my mom say that she was going to turn on the AC..before I could say NO..she hit the switch..well the floor vent kicked in and strarted blowing liguid debris all over..the walls,me..fuck it was nasty..now i couldn't smell cause of my trusty respirator mask,but I was beginning to heave nonetheless..and you don't want to heave into the mask..then you got a whole other set of nastiness to deal with..well I fought off the heaves(I'm a professional) and we got the body inot the van..I left the hearse and switched vehicles when I got my mask..you don't want to soil your 80K hearse..I had to drive back to the funeral home with my head out the window..decomp is that bad..the absolute worse smell..and it stays with you..in your lungs,the vehicle,the embalming room..fuck it stays with psychologically after the smell is gone..we put her one of our BMW body bags(there are various levels of body bags..a beamer body bag costs us about 150)and i bought two big bags of lime to toss in along with our preservative and deoderizing powders..obviously this was closed casket and I didn't embalm..still with a sealed closed casket and lime and heavy duty BMW bag..I still felt like I could smell her..amybe it was in my mind..but like I said,that smell hangs with you for days

KAYNE

 

[KAYNE]

4EVER
YOU REMIND ME OF A HOUSE CALL THAT I GOT. IT WAS A LADY THAT WAS WELL OVER 300LBS. HER HOUSE WAS OLD SO THE GERNY COULDNT TURN INTO THE HALLWAY TO REMOVE HER. WE HAD TO PUT HER IN A BODY BAG. WE REMOVED ALL FAMILY AS SO THEY WOULDNT SEE THEIR LOVED ONE BEING PUT IN A BODY BAG. WELL, SOME SNUCK BACK IN AS WE WERE ZIPPING HER UP. THEY FUCKING FREAKED!!!

THAT SAME WEEK, I PICKED UP A 600LB WOMAN. SHE WAS SO BIG, WE HAD TO PUT EXTENSIONS ON THE WALL OF THE CREMATORY BOX. SHE DIDNT FIT IN ANYTHING. I STILL REMEMBER HER NAME.

THE RIVER BODY WAS MY WORST I THINK. I CAN RELATE TO YOUR STORY THOUGH. WE HAD A HOUSE CALL WHERE THIS GUY HAD BEEN DEAD FOR ABOUT 3 DAYS. IT WAS MID-SUMMER. JUST LIKE YOUR CALL, NO AC IN THIS HOUSE EITHER AS IT WAS AN ELDERLY MAN ALSO. HIS FACE HAD MELTED TO THE FLOOR SO WHEN WE TRIED TO RAISE HIM, HIS FACE PEELED OFF ON THE FLOOR. I HAD TO PICK EVERY LITTLE PIECE UP.

I ONLY CRIED ONCE........I HAD TO PICK UP A 9 YEAR OLD BOY. HIS WHOLE FAMILY WAS IN THE HOUSE WHEN WE ARRIVED. THE FATHER WAS LYING IN BED WITH HIM. IT WAS THE HARDEST CALL I EVER DID, ASIDE FROM PICKING UP MY OWN GRANDMOTHER OF COURSE. NO MATTER HOW HARD THAT WAS, I WASNT GOING TO LET ANYONE TOUCH HER. I MADE ARRANGEMENTS FOR MY FRIEND TO MEET ME AND PICK HER UP FOR ME AND DO THE EMBALMING. I PUT HER IN THE VAN THOUGH. I WOULDNT EVEN LET THE COPS IN HER ROOM.

DAMN, WE DO SOME CRAZY SHIT......LOL



KAYNE

 

[p0ink]

babydoc,

if i get a bitch knocked up in the near future, i will be sure to call her from mexico and tell her to look you up.

 

[thebabydoc]

babydoc,

if i get a bitch knocked up in the near future, i will be sure to call her from mexico and tell her to look you up.

ok

 

[Roadblock]

 

[WODIN]

Best Thread Ever!

 

[Bullit]

OK, here it is:

When I was a 3rd-year med student doing a gyn oncology rotation in Miami I saw this heavy black woman (I think she was Creole) who had obviously been living in the back-woods (Okefenokee swamplands I guess). ......

Jezzus-Tapdancing-Christ that is digusting.

 

[Spartacus]

xmas eve

one of my most surrealistic removals was about 4AM in the morning on christmas eve(night of the23rd)...some guy had died at home under hospice care(many people these days spend their final days at home under care of hospice nurses)..so I got up and threw on mysuit and went to the house..whoa when they opened the door..the whole living room and other parts of the house were decorated for christmas..and they had everything...green xmas trees,white xmas trees,small,med,one large tree..gingerbread nativity scenes,a train scene setup with a functioning train...lights everywhere,on the trees,around the bookshelf etc,etc..I was kinda blown away..I'm kinda groggy from waking up in deep sleep,and I'm dragging myself on this house call..and I go in and blast!..plus there were about 2 dozen family members there and they were all dressed as if it was 4PM..drinking cider and coffee..the whole place was lit up and lights a-blinking..cider fumes..shit,I was thinking wtf am I dreaming?..anyhow I later was told by the widow that she thought I was "like an angel" when I came to pick up her husband..real classy family..so thats my good story about the funeral biz

 

[thebabydoc]

gratuitous bump for gore and vomit...

 

[p0ink]

ever have people come waddling in from the night, saying they tripped and fell on the zucchini, the lightbulb, the brbie doll, the billiard balls, the struggling gerbil?

anyone ever say they slippled in the shower and fell, bull's-eye, on a greased shampoo bottle? anyone ever come in saying they were assualted by an unknown person with candles, with baseballs, with hard-boiled eggs, flashlights, and screwdrivers?