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sex after marriage
- Thread starter dusty2
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The Red Dragon
New member
premarital sex = deprivation
Generic MALE
New member
I never had sexual intercourse until after I was married (age 28). Religion was the main reason when I was in my twenties, and religion was a strong influence (but not the only reason) when I was in my teens.
B
Big Jroy
Guest
I could never picture myself getting married without haveing sex with that person first. What if you married her and she just lays there like a dead fish in bed?? Ironically, sex is the reason why I "had to" get married, I got my wife prego.
hellorhih2o
New member
i read the subject ("sex after marriage") and seriously thought it was a thread about how boring sex is once your married. it never even hit me that anyone could even consider not having sex before they got married. i'm so with Big Jroy on this one.
For me, sex is a very important part of marriage. I was not going to marry a woman that I did not have a fantastic sexual chemistry with, which means I had to have sex BEFORE getting married. Once I realized this, pre-marital sex became a must for me. Same goes for living with a woman before getting married. You have to know if the two of you even CAN live together before you decide to spend the rest of your lives together.
IMHO, couples that get married before actually living together and having sex are taking a huge risk with their future happiness. Would you buy a car before test driving it? Would you buy a house sight unseen? Would you parachute out of a plane without inspecting the chute first to make sure it’s safe?
IMHO, couples that get married before actually living together and having sex are taking a huge risk with their future happiness. Would you buy a car before test driving it? Would you buy a house sight unseen? Would you parachute out of a plane without inspecting the chute first to make sure it’s safe?
S
satchboogie
Guest
Mengy said:
well said
Generic MALE
New member
I know alot of guys and girls who lived together before marraige and once they were married it was different. As one friend put it about his first wife, "marraige adds something to the recipe. If the recipe is good while living together it will change once you add a ring". You have no idea what the relationship will be like until you actually are married.
I know you can get a good enough idea of how sex will be without sexual intercourse. You know if she is passionate in your embrace, if she wants your "thang", if she is going to lay there and play dead or be involved.
I have quite a few friends who were virgins until their marraige night(because of the church I belong to which strongly pushes it) . I am pretty tight with some of them. The guys I know - who picked women who are willing to try and please their man and who were attracted to each other before marraige - have pretty good sex lives. Many of their wives are apparently (from what I hear) quite kinky - lots of stories of public sex, and every other kink you can imagine. Some of the girls are quite adept at anal and oral apparently as some of them had the mistaken notion that they were virgins if they had anal before marraige but not intercourse. My wife on the other hand was unbelievably untouched before marriage - she had all these rules about curfews, no backrubs with the other sex, no laying on top of each other - and our sex life is great.
Well over a decade of marraige and I know we have hit it 80 times in the last 17 weeks - not a worlds record but I am in my 40's and working 80-90 hours per week.
Despite having a busy and frequent sex life I lately have considered straying - not because I NEED anything - but I WANT to hit the strange. I am looking back on life and I have had a ton of women hit on me, all of which I declined due to religious beliefs.
I do however have one friend who never even kissed his wife until they were at the alter. They had 4 kids together and after 10 years of marraige it is discovered that he is a closet gay and has had numerous (probably hundreds) of anonymous meetings with other fags in bathrooms etc. Surprisingly his wife tested free of AIDS and has now for the last several years.
I know you can get a good enough idea of how sex will be without sexual intercourse. You know if she is passionate in your embrace, if she wants your "thang", if she is going to lay there and play dead or be involved.
I have quite a few friends who were virgins until their marraige night(because of the church I belong to which strongly pushes it) . I am pretty tight with some of them. The guys I know - who picked women who are willing to try and please their man and who were attracted to each other before marraige - have pretty good sex lives. Many of their wives are apparently (from what I hear) quite kinky - lots of stories of public sex, and every other kink you can imagine. Some of the girls are quite adept at anal and oral apparently as some of them had the mistaken notion that they were virgins if they had anal before marraige but not intercourse. My wife on the other hand was unbelievably untouched before marriage - she had all these rules about curfews, no backrubs with the other sex, no laying on top of each other - and our sex life is great.
Well over a decade of marraige and I know we have hit it 80 times in the last 17 weeks - not a worlds record but I am in my 40's and working 80-90 hours per week.
Despite having a busy and frequent sex life I lately have considered straying - not because I NEED anything - but I WANT to hit the strange. I am looking back on life and I have had a ton of women hit on me, all of which I declined due to religious beliefs.
I do however have one friend who never even kissed his wife until they were at the alter. They had 4 kids together and after 10 years of marraige it is discovered that he is a closet gay and has had numerous (probably hundreds) of anonymous meetings with other fags in bathrooms etc. Surprisingly his wife tested free of AIDS and has now for the last several years.
Mandinka2
New member
Dude , just a quick point here , if I am to understand it correctly ur wife has been with you for over ten years and is almost certainly your best friend and closest companion.Generic MALE said:
So with all respect due (which is quite a lot I assure u) what the fuck are you doing here telling folks on an internet chat board about ur desires to cheat on ur closest friend , mother of ur kids yada yada.?
In any case I can promise u that should u decide to stray you will wind up (at the VERY best on your part) in a bottomless pit of your own guilt which you will richly deserve and all for what will most likely turn out to be a quick fling and a pretty damp squib.
Generic MALE
New member
Mandinka2 said:
Believe me I hear you on this. It is quite uncharacteristic of me. I am not the type to give in to passion or feelings. My life has been a sequence of logically made choices, not a life that has just happened to me, or one that I have made out of impulsive choices. Yet the thought plagues me daily. Actually more correctly the FEELING plagues me daily. Feelings are not logical. Smoking, alcoholism, drug use etc are not logical - they are emotion based decisions. I have fought the desire with thoughts so far, but still I want to tag alot of women, and have considered the ways to do it and not get caught.
if I did start fucking alot of women it would not be impulsive. I would ease into it with a series of successive approximations - strip club, hand job from a "massage therapist" etc and slowly ease into as far as my conscience would let me without ever having the twinge of guilt afterwards. I would go no farther than my conscience would let me go.
Right or wrong is ascribed by men - I no longer hold the religous beliefs I had. For me at this time the the only wrong is if I bring home a disease, or a pregnancy that would cost me $$$$, or public embarrassment.
I am not saying I will, but it will be interesting to see how it plays out.
Mandinka2
New member
Eh... have u discussed this with one of ur guy friends? Show em this very post right here and I bet they will respond that you are just being totally selfish. Dude , Im 28 years of age and Ive been lookin for a woman like ur wife for most of those 28 , I've been celibate for the past 6 months and I turned down flat-out sex with a pretty girl last Wednesday night. You know why? Cos it wouldnt mean shit to me and cos there's somethin else I want for myself in this life.Generic MALE said:
Pardon my French but what u speak of with the massage parlour and stuff is flat out filthy , the strip club is ok , hell bring ur wife , u said that ur friends are into kinky stuff.
Finally please please please do not cheat on your wife , if you do you'll be cheating on your entire family as well.
Scarlett33
New member
No way would I have waited untill after marriage then its too late, if you don't click in the bedroom. I would not buy a car without first driving it.
Lift Chief
New member
Sex after getting married... is he talking about sex BEFORE getting married?
Otherwise- wtf?
Otherwise- wtf?
I have been with my wife for over 5 years, we were together for 3 years, constantly having sex atleast 5 times per week before we even lived together, when we started living together sex went up to about 2 times per day. My wife and I are now married and with a 14mo. baby, with the baby and work it gets hard to have time for ourselves so the frequency of sex has declined, just in frequency because I can say it has increased in quality.
My advice to you all is: get to know the pussy before marriage, examine it, find out as much as you can about it! ask your self: "is it an all terrain pussy? can it be upgraded for better performance" (is she willing to try things?)? Try it on, take it for a test drive.... Fuck it... lease that pussy for 36mo. with the option to buy! for goodness sakes don't get married without first knowing if you are sexualy compatible or not. cause if you buy it without trying it out first, you might be dissapointed when you take it home, and in a couple of years you'll trade it in for a different one, or even worst you'll let your pussy sit at home collecting dust while you are out having the time of your life with a newer, faster pussy that performs better and has more features.
a good sexlife can get you thru a lot, there were times when me and my wife would have a fight about something then we made up that night cause we didn't want to go to sleep without getting some. Thats a good thing.
My advice to you all is: get to know the pussy before marriage, examine it, find out as much as you can about it! ask your self: "is it an all terrain pussy? can it be upgraded for better performance" (is she willing to try things?)? Try it on, take it for a test drive.... Fuck it... lease that pussy for 36mo. with the option to buy! for goodness sakes don't get married without first knowing if you are sexualy compatible or not. cause if you buy it without trying it out first, you might be dissapointed when you take it home, and in a couple of years you'll trade it in for a different one, or even worst you'll let your pussy sit at home collecting dust while you are out having the time of your life with a newer, faster pussy that performs better and has more features.
a good sexlife can get you thru a lot, there were times when me and my wife would have a fight about something then we made up that night cause we didn't want to go to sleep without getting some. Thats a good thing.
I believe in only sex before marriage, after you get married it dies! HAHA.
Seriously, this is some horseshit. I love sex. I love doing it, and I am gonna keep doing it thousands of times before I get married. And kiss? LMAO, I am not even gonna address this.
Religion is a joke. Period.
Oh yea, I love to fuck!
-sk
Seriously, this is some horseshit. I love sex. I love doing it, and I am gonna keep doing it thousands of times before I get married. And kiss? LMAO, I am not even gonna address this.
Religion is a joke. Period.
Oh yea, I love to fuck!
-sk
Jimsbbc
New member
Why would anyone waste the good sex having years of their life to finally get it at 28-30yrs old? Society has changed in 2000 years. People still become sexually active at 12-13 but get married 12-15 years later than arranged marriages back then. Now because of the demands of society we have to wait 2x as long, through our most hormone raging years to have sex?
Waiting to find the one and both being virgins until marriage is a novel idea and a romantic notion but does not work in the real world today.
Waiting to find the one and both being virgins until marriage is a novel idea and a romantic notion but does not work in the real world today.
I don't call it "fornication" I call it "Edification", meaning setting a foundation of trust, confort and good ol sex! Before you build your home sweet home. instead of getting into a lifelong commitment without knowing if you are sexualy compatible, try it out and see if you guys match up in the sex department do it over and over again for months maybe even a couple of years.
what if she is frigid?.... not your fault she's just not the type who likes to get into it(small % of women are like this).
what if she wants it all the time and you are a minute man with one in the chamber and none in the clip, you better find a girl who needs it less or you'll die young, your heart will explode from the years of constant Viagra use, or you'll have to find a stand in for when you are tired, maybe shell find one without you knowing.
What if she's got a "China Chocha" and you are just TOO BIG for her? nothing you can do there, too shallow too tight be as gentle as you want you'll always hurt her, .
what if she's got a "Congo Choochie" and you are just too small for her, you'll never satisfy her, she'll be looking for a piece of meat tha'll fill her up, even if she's a virgin she will hear storys from other chicks about big ding dongs and will want to know what it's all about(chicks talk in graphic details more than you think).
would you rather know about these "what ifs" now or after dropping 35K on a wedding 8K on a honey moon or even worst, 5 years and 2 kids later she finaly opens up and tells you:
"you don't do it for me, I have been faking it all this time" (Crakkkkkkkkk) that was the sound of your whole world crumbling.
good night.
what if she is frigid?.... not your fault she's just not the type who likes to get into it(small % of women are like this).
what if she wants it all the time and you are a minute man with one in the chamber and none in the clip, you better find a girl who needs it less or you'll die young, your heart will explode from the years of constant Viagra use, or you'll have to find a stand in for when you are tired, maybe shell find one without you knowing.
What if she's got a "China Chocha" and you are just TOO BIG for her? nothing you can do there, too shallow too tight be as gentle as you want you'll always hurt her, .
what if she's got a "Congo Choochie" and you are just too small for her, you'll never satisfy her, she'll be looking for a piece of meat tha'll fill her up, even if she's a virgin she will hear storys from other chicks about big ding dongs and will want to know what it's all about(chicks talk in graphic details more than you think).
would you rather know about these "what ifs" now or after dropping 35K on a wedding 8K on a honey moon or even worst, 5 years and 2 kids later she finaly opens up and tells you:
"you don't do it for me, I have been faking it all this time" (Crakkkkkkkkk) that was the sound of your whole world crumbling.
good night.
I.B. Orpheus. said:
Lets think about the other side of the coin. What if you really lived by God's suggestions I say suggestions instead because you have free will and you are going to do what you want to do. So anyway you don't sleep with anybody before you find the person that you love and want to spend your whole life with. And vice a versa she never had sex with anybody before either. So now you are both blissfully ignorant on what is and what isn't good sex right?
So now after all this waiting you get to make love for your first time and man it rocks. You both like it so much because like anything if you wait for it you enjoy numerous times over. Another plus of God's suggestion you don't compare your mate to all your past sexual partners so you won't know if she has black hole and she wouldn't know he has a pencil prick. You see the saying ignorance is bliss rings true here.
And since you think this person has given you the best sex ever(remember since you never had it before) you will be totally satisfied. Another plus is that your chance of getting some funky disease is nill.
Now I want to reclarify what I said about God's suggestion. It is actually a rule becaue if you break it it has consequences. The disease and divorce and possibly death if you do not follow the rule.
Lift Chief
New member
curling said:
There are actually some interesting points here once you gloss over the bullshit.
I'm shocked.
Lift Chief
New member
curling said:
The only problem is that in contemporary society everyone talks about sex. So even if you're married to the only person you've ever had sex with and you think it's pretty good... all your friends talk about what their respective mate does to them/how good they are- whatever. Also, society is so replete with sexual messages that you're going to have an idea of what good sex should be like... so even if you haven't actually had that good sex you'll have a mark to compare it to.
It could have worked before the sexual revolution maybe... probably wouldn't work now though.
I was out all day so I'm sorry I'm late with my asnwer. here it is.
I cut back your quote to save some bandwith.
The bottom line is::: an Orgasm is an Orgasm is an Orgasm, if you as a man waited until your mid 20's to have sex chances are you'll climax to the draft of an open window.
A woman on the other hand may take months even years to find out what makes her Orgasm, and this still does not rule out the "china chocha/ Congo coochie" theory that I explained on my earlyer post, cause if you are a "pencil dick" like you said, you are never going to do it for her, no matter how naive and inexperienced she is.
if she is so "blissfully ignorant " as you stated, after sex she is just going to sit there and think "Um..... that was it?" she is going to wonder why the women in all the movies ( R rated movies not just porn) look like they are having such a good time while she just felt like you had sex "on her" not "with her" cause while you where enjoying the friction on your little sized little use penis she felt nothing. Beilive me she'll start to wonder one day.
By the way I'm in no way saying you have a small member, I just use the "you" to make a point.
curling said:
I cut back your quote to save some bandwith.
The bottom line is::: an Orgasm is an Orgasm is an Orgasm, if you as a man waited until your mid 20's to have sex chances are you'll climax to the draft of an open window.
A woman on the other hand may take months even years to find out what makes her Orgasm, and this still does not rule out the "china chocha/ Congo coochie" theory that I explained on my earlyer post, cause if you are a "pencil dick" like you said, you are never going to do it for her, no matter how naive and inexperienced she is.
if she is so "blissfully ignorant " as you stated, after sex she is just going to sit there and think "Um..... that was it?" she is going to wonder why the women in all the movies ( R rated movies not just porn) look like they are having such a good time while she just felt like you had sex "on her" not "with her" cause while you where enjoying the friction on your little sized little use penis she felt nothing. Beilive me she'll start to wonder one day.
By the way I'm in no way saying you have a small member, I just use the "you" to make a point.
flexygrl
New member
LOL!!
My thought is that sex is an essential ingredient to a good relationship. Although if your religious beliefs prevent it, you are not doomed. Good sex is all about communication. It's about learning how to please the other person. As long as you have good communication skills, you can get through anything! IMO!
D
Deleted member 33117
Guest
dusty, also bear in mind that no one is perfect and we all sin. The Bible also says not to touch the carcass of a dead pig, yet how often have you touched a dead pig without thinking about it. How often have you told a lie, a hundreds, thousands of times, perhaps more? The point is not to dwell upon how much we sin, but rather are we forgiven for our sins. Since we have all sinned, and will all sin again, regardless of how good we try to be. Christ sacrificed himself so that we would not be punished for this.
Generic MALE
New member
Apart from any statements based on faith, numerous studies show that couples that live together before getting married are more likely to get divorced than those that do not (a cut and paste is inculded below of a recent CDC study). Other studies show that the children of people who live together before marraige do more poorly in school and domestic violence is higher among couples who live together before marraige.
==============================================
Study Reveals that Living Together Before Marriage May Lead to More Divorce
According to a new study from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), couples who cohabitate before marriage may be more likely to divorce than those who do not live together before marriage. In the study of 11,000 women, the researchers discovered that couples who did not cohabitate before
marriage had a 31% chance of divorcing after 10 years, and those who did live together had a 40% chance of divorce.
The researchers speculate that couples who live together before marriage may have different values than those who do not cohabitate.
==============================================
Study Reveals that Living Together Before Marriage May Lead to More Divorce
According to a new study from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), couples who cohabitate before marriage may be more likely to divorce than those who do not live together before marriage. In the study of 11,000 women, the researchers discovered that couples who did not cohabitate before
marriage had a 31% chance of divorcing after 10 years, and those who did live together had a 40% chance of divorce.
The researchers speculate that couples who live together before marriage may have different values than those who do not cohabitate.
Generic MALE
New member
Friday, July 21, 2000 Arizona Republic article by Mike McCloy:
“Maricopa County officials may soon confront an issue that is fiscally minor but politically dynamite: extending employee benefits to unmarried partners of county workers.
“The county’s Human Resources Department is drafting a proposal for providing health-care and other coverage to [cohabiting] employees’ heterosexual and homosexual companions…”
PROVIDING UNMARRIED PARTNER BENEFITS
TO COHABITING COUPLES IS BAD PUBLIC POLICY BECAUSE OF:
*INCREASED RATE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE*
*INCREASED RATE OF DIVORCE IN SUBSEQUENT MARRIAGE*
*POORER PSYCHOLOGICAL HEALTH*
*ADVERSE CONSEQUENCES TO CHILDREN*
*INCREASED ALCHOHOL PROBLEMS*
Increased Rate of Domestic Violence
A study using a nationally representative sample of 6,000 households found that cohabiting couples were 180% more likely to engage in physical aggression toward each other compared to married couples.
A study using a nationally representative sample of more than 2000 19 to 49-year-old adults found that partners in cohabiting unions have more disagreements, fight more often and report lower levels of happiness than their married counterparts.
Cohabiting couples are 180% more likely than married couples to report episodes of hitting, shoving and throwing things, even after controlling for income, race, education and age.
Increased Rate of Divorce in Subsequent Marriage
In a study of 3,300 cases, cohabiting couples who subsequently married had a 46% higher divorce rate when compared to couples who did not cohabitate prior to marriage.
In a longitudinal study of cohabiting couples, it was found that [1] cohabitation increased acceptance of divorce and [2] the longer the existence of the cohabiting relationship, the less enthusiastic the couple was toward marriage and childbearing.
Couples who cohabit before marriage are 90% more likely to divorce within ten years than couples who did not cohabit.
In a study of the experience of cohabitation with 18 to 23-year-old adults, it was found that cohabitation changes young adult attitudes toward marriage and divorce in ways that make them more prone to divorce.
Poorer Psychological Health
Cohabiting couples report lower levels of happiness and sexual satisfaction as well as poorer relationships withtheir parents.
Cohabiting couples are 300% more likely to suffer from depression than married couples.
Adverse Consequences
Children born to cohabiting parents are 125% more likely to see their parents breakup before they reach age 16 when compared to children born to married parents.
Children living with a mother and a cohabiting partner have significantly more behavior problems and lower academic performance than children living in intact families do.
A study in Great Britain found that rates of child abuse for children living with married biological parents were phenomenally lower when compared to other child household living arrangements.
Increased Alcohol Problems
In seven-year study involving 1200 unmarried adults aged 18 to 24 years, researchers found that participants who chose to cohabitate during the seven-year study had significantly more alcohol problems than participants who chose to marry. Neither premarital levels of alcohol problems among cohabitors nor other demographic characteristics could explain the greater number of alcohol Problems (cont.) problems among cohabitors. The researchers concluded that there is something peculiar about the status of cohabitation, rather than the characteristics of cohabitors, that causes a significantly higher rate of alcohol problems.
ENDNOTES
Stets, “Cohabiting and Marital Aggression: The Role of Social Isolation”, Journal of Marriage and the Family, volume 53, August 1991, pages 669-680.
Brown and Booth, “Cohabitation Versus Marriage: A Comparison of Relationship Quality”, Journal of Marriage and Family, volume 58, August 1996, pages 668-678.
Whitehead, quoting sociologist Linda Waite, “How We Mate”, City Journal, Summer 1999, pages 38-49.
DeMaris, Alfred and Rao, “Premarital Cohabitation and Subsequent Marital Stability in the United States: A Reassessment”, Journal of Marriage and the Family, volume 54, 1992, pages 178-190.
Axinn and Barber, “Living Arrangements and family Formation Attitudes in Early Adulthood”, Journal of Marriage and the Family, volume 59, 1997, pages 595-611.
Bumpass and Sweet, “ National Estimates of Cohabitation: Cohort levels and Union Stability”, Demography, 26, 1989, page 621. See also Balakrishnan, Rao, Lapierre-Adamcyk and Krotki, “A Hazard Model Analysis of the Covariates of Marriage Dissolution in Canada, Demography, volume 24, 1987, pages 395-406.
Waite and Joyner, “Men’s and Women’s General Happiness and sexual Satisfaction in Marriage, Cohabitation and Single Living”, unpublished manuscript – Population Research Venter, University of Chicago, 1996. See also Amato and Booth, “A Generation at Risk”, Cambridge, MA, Harvard University Press, Press 1997, Table 4-2, pages 258.
Robins, Lee and Reiger, “Psychiatric Disorders in America”, New York Free Press, 1990, page 72.
Whitehead, “How We Mate”, City Journal, 1999, pages 38-49.
Thompson, Hanson, McLanahan, “Family Structure and Child Well-Being: Economic Resources versus Parental Behavior”, Social Forces, volume 73, 1994, pages 221-242.
Whelan, “Broken Homes and Battered Children: A study of the Relationship Between Child Abuse and Family Type”, London, England, Family Education Trust, 1993, Table 12, pages 29.
Horwits and White, “The Relationship of Cohabitation and Mental Health: A Study of a Young Adult Cohort”, Journal of Marriage and the Family, volume 60, 1998, pages 505-514
“Maricopa County officials may soon confront an issue that is fiscally minor but politically dynamite: extending employee benefits to unmarried partners of county workers.
“The county’s Human Resources Department is drafting a proposal for providing health-care and other coverage to [cohabiting] employees’ heterosexual and homosexual companions…”
PROVIDING UNMARRIED PARTNER BENEFITS
TO COHABITING COUPLES IS BAD PUBLIC POLICY BECAUSE OF:
*INCREASED RATE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE*
*INCREASED RATE OF DIVORCE IN SUBSEQUENT MARRIAGE*
*POORER PSYCHOLOGICAL HEALTH*
*ADVERSE CONSEQUENCES TO CHILDREN*
*INCREASED ALCHOHOL PROBLEMS*
Increased Rate of Domestic Violence
A study using a nationally representative sample of 6,000 households found that cohabiting couples were 180% more likely to engage in physical aggression toward each other compared to married couples.
A study using a nationally representative sample of more than 2000 19 to 49-year-old adults found that partners in cohabiting unions have more disagreements, fight more often and report lower levels of happiness than their married counterparts.
Cohabiting couples are 180% more likely than married couples to report episodes of hitting, shoving and throwing things, even after controlling for income, race, education and age.
Increased Rate of Divorce in Subsequent Marriage
In a study of 3,300 cases, cohabiting couples who subsequently married had a 46% higher divorce rate when compared to couples who did not cohabitate prior to marriage.
In a longitudinal study of cohabiting couples, it was found that [1] cohabitation increased acceptance of divorce and [2] the longer the existence of the cohabiting relationship, the less enthusiastic the couple was toward marriage and childbearing.
Couples who cohabit before marriage are 90% more likely to divorce within ten years than couples who did not cohabit.
In a study of the experience of cohabitation with 18 to 23-year-old adults, it was found that cohabitation changes young adult attitudes toward marriage and divorce in ways that make them more prone to divorce.
Poorer Psychological Health
Cohabiting couples report lower levels of happiness and sexual satisfaction as well as poorer relationships withtheir parents.
Cohabiting couples are 300% more likely to suffer from depression than married couples.
Adverse Consequences
Children born to cohabiting parents are 125% more likely to see their parents breakup before they reach age 16 when compared to children born to married parents.
Children living with a mother and a cohabiting partner have significantly more behavior problems and lower academic performance than children living in intact families do.
A study in Great Britain found that rates of child abuse for children living with married biological parents were phenomenally lower when compared to other child household living arrangements.
Increased Alcohol Problems
In seven-year study involving 1200 unmarried adults aged 18 to 24 years, researchers found that participants who chose to cohabitate during the seven-year study had significantly more alcohol problems than participants who chose to marry. Neither premarital levels of alcohol problems among cohabitors nor other demographic characteristics could explain the greater number of alcohol Problems (cont.) problems among cohabitors. The researchers concluded that there is something peculiar about the status of cohabitation, rather than the characteristics of cohabitors, that causes a significantly higher rate of alcohol problems.
ENDNOTES
Stets, “Cohabiting and Marital Aggression: The Role of Social Isolation”, Journal of Marriage and the Family, volume 53, August 1991, pages 669-680.
Brown and Booth, “Cohabitation Versus Marriage: A Comparison of Relationship Quality”, Journal of Marriage and Family, volume 58, August 1996, pages 668-678.
Whitehead, quoting sociologist Linda Waite, “How We Mate”, City Journal, Summer 1999, pages 38-49.
DeMaris, Alfred and Rao, “Premarital Cohabitation and Subsequent Marital Stability in the United States: A Reassessment”, Journal of Marriage and the Family, volume 54, 1992, pages 178-190.
Axinn and Barber, “Living Arrangements and family Formation Attitudes in Early Adulthood”, Journal of Marriage and the Family, volume 59, 1997, pages 595-611.
Bumpass and Sweet, “ National Estimates of Cohabitation: Cohort levels and Union Stability”, Demography, 26, 1989, page 621. See also Balakrishnan, Rao, Lapierre-Adamcyk and Krotki, “A Hazard Model Analysis of the Covariates of Marriage Dissolution in Canada, Demography, volume 24, 1987, pages 395-406.
Waite and Joyner, “Men’s and Women’s General Happiness and sexual Satisfaction in Marriage, Cohabitation and Single Living”, unpublished manuscript – Population Research Venter, University of Chicago, 1996. See also Amato and Booth, “A Generation at Risk”, Cambridge, MA, Harvard University Press, Press 1997, Table 4-2, pages 258.
Robins, Lee and Reiger, “Psychiatric Disorders in America”, New York Free Press, 1990, page 72.
Whitehead, “How We Mate”, City Journal, 1999, pages 38-49.
Thompson, Hanson, McLanahan, “Family Structure and Child Well-Being: Economic Resources versus Parental Behavior”, Social Forces, volume 73, 1994, pages 221-242.
Whelan, “Broken Homes and Battered Children: A study of the Relationship Between Child Abuse and Family Type”, London, England, Family Education Trust, 1993, Table 12, pages 29.
Horwits and White, “The Relationship of Cohabitation and Mental Health: A Study of a Young Adult Cohort”, Journal of Marriage and the Family, volume 60, 1998, pages 505-514
Lift Chief
New member
As they say... correlation is not necessarily causation...
It's a common mistake.
Write that down.
It's a common mistake.
Write that down.
Generic MALE
New member
Correlation is not causation, but keep in mind when several studies show strong correlation one can essentially assume causation. These findings are shown in several studies and I believe not one study has shown anything different to dispute the findings.
Many are slow to assume causation when there is correlation - In the 1950's the National Cancer Institute said "if there is a correlation between smoking and cancer it is a small one". As well Dr. Ian G. MacDonald stated in 1964 "for the majority of individuals smoking has a beneficial effect". In 1941 in the journal called Hygea (then the official publication of the American Medical Association) wrote "Exercise is harmful and can lead to invalidism and eventually death. Even the game of golf can be too strenuous. If you must indulge in golf, be sure to break for a smoke and a drink between nines". Also in the 1940's Jack LaLanne opened his first gym/health spa - based on the idea that nutrition and exercise were the keys to good health - he waqs rediculed by the medical community as a health nut.
Its easy to ignore findings especially when it is ones selfish interest to do so - as in the case of National Cancer Institute who may have been bribed in various ways to ignore the reality of cancer and cigarettes, and for individuals when shacking up equals lots of available nut busting. The best evidence we have indicates shacking up, "taking the car for a test drive" - typically ends in more pain and frustration.
And many confuse taking the car for a test drive with stealing the car from the parking lot, driving like a bat out of hell to Mexico and then leaving it abandoned on the side of the road. Auto dealers don't let you test drive the sunnovabitch for 3 years. You get a half an hour. If you can't determine if it is the car for you after doing some reading, some comparison and a reasonable test drive either you are unobservant or just simply out for a joy ride.
Auto dealers know better than to let you just go on a long joy ride. But girls (and guys who often end up burned) don't know any better - or perhaps willingly ignore the warning signs. You don't have to screw a girl 200 times to know if you are going to like sex with her. You do have to get to know them, but their passion can be obvious way before you are dicking them.
But it is pleasurable to simply steal the car for a test drive, not really take care of it or change the oil, knowing you can abandon it by the side of the road when you are good and ready or when it starts to show signs of trouble. It takes more strength to commit to taking care of the car and being fully responsible for its maintenance.
Putting your name on the line of the contract takes guts.
Hopefully getting married/involved in a long term relationship/having sex with the subsequent possibility of bringing children into the world (even if unintentionally), is more important to us than buying a car. If one would not expect to take a car that does not belong to them out and drive the hell out of it and fuck it up and abandon it, then hopefully they would be even more considerate and careful with a human being and their own lives.
Many are slow to assume causation when there is correlation - In the 1950's the National Cancer Institute said "if there is a correlation between smoking and cancer it is a small one". As well Dr. Ian G. MacDonald stated in 1964 "for the majority of individuals smoking has a beneficial effect". In 1941 in the journal called Hygea (then the official publication of the American Medical Association) wrote "Exercise is harmful and can lead to invalidism and eventually death. Even the game of golf can be too strenuous. If you must indulge in golf, be sure to break for a smoke and a drink between nines". Also in the 1940's Jack LaLanne opened his first gym/health spa - based on the idea that nutrition and exercise were the keys to good health - he waqs rediculed by the medical community as a health nut.
Its easy to ignore findings especially when it is ones selfish interest to do so - as in the case of National Cancer Institute who may have been bribed in various ways to ignore the reality of cancer and cigarettes, and for individuals when shacking up equals lots of available nut busting. The best evidence we have indicates shacking up, "taking the car for a test drive" - typically ends in more pain and frustration.
And many confuse taking the car for a test drive with stealing the car from the parking lot, driving like a bat out of hell to Mexico and then leaving it abandoned on the side of the road. Auto dealers don't let you test drive the sunnovabitch for 3 years. You get a half an hour. If you can't determine if it is the car for you after doing some reading, some comparison and a reasonable test drive either you are unobservant or just simply out for a joy ride.
Auto dealers know better than to let you just go on a long joy ride. But girls (and guys who often end up burned) don't know any better - or perhaps willingly ignore the warning signs. You don't have to screw a girl 200 times to know if you are going to like sex with her. You do have to get to know them, but their passion can be obvious way before you are dicking them.
But it is pleasurable to simply steal the car for a test drive, not really take care of it or change the oil, knowing you can abandon it by the side of the road when you are good and ready or when it starts to show signs of trouble. It takes more strength to commit to taking care of the car and being fully responsible for its maintenance.
Putting your name on the line of the contract takes guts.
Hopefully getting married/involved in a long term relationship/having sex with the subsequent possibility of bringing children into the world (even if unintentionally), is more important to us than buying a car. If one would not expect to take a car that does not belong to them out and drive the hell out of it and fuck it up and abandon it, then hopefully they would be even more considerate and careful with a human being and their own lives.
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Generic MALE
New member
velvett said:
In terms of scientific studies this is just being rediculous. A study of 15,000 people is concsidered a very large study. People here and on other boards post the results of studies concerning anabolics that might involve a couple of hundred people, then base their AS cycle on those results. A study of 600 is a large study, and the results are considered very statistically significant.
When a new drug is released to the general public, it is called phase IV research - it is still being studied te first year and is part of the ongoing research. Only then is the study being done on a group as large as 10,000 people.
15,000 people is a huge study and the results are highly significant for a uniform population - such as the USA - and can be generalized to the entire group.
First off - I'm not trying to insult you personally.
Secondly I'm merely offering my opinion that a study - any study - of 600-15,000 would not personally sway my decision to do or like anything.
Take for example Nielsen ratings for television - they only use 5000 households to create a rating - would you use this as a guide for showslet's say to let your children watch or choose your evening entertainment?
People can do what they want and will base their actions in life on whatever criteria they feel is valid.
For me 15,000 means nothing - but if I really want to try something I will and come to my own conclusion, whether it's a computer hard drive, trial prescription drug, a relationship or a marriage.
Secondly I'm merely offering my opinion that a study - any study - of 600-15,000 would not personally sway my decision to do or like anything.
Take for example Nielsen ratings for television - they only use 5000 households to create a rating - would you use this as a guide for showslet's say to let your children watch or choose your evening entertainment?
People can do what they want and will base their actions in life on whatever criteria they feel is valid.
For me 15,000 means nothing - but if I really want to try something I will and come to my own conclusion, whether it's a computer hard drive, trial prescription drug, a relationship or a marriage.
Generic MALE said:
Lift Chief
New member
Generic MALE said:
For that smoking example you gave up above there are probably 10 other examples where correlation was assumed to be causation... and that was incorrect. This is much more common than the reverse.
What if those couples that tend to live together before marraige tend to be say less independant, and it is actually the lack of independance that is the cause of the higher divorce rate, not the fact they lived together before getting married.
So the living together is a common trait of people who have this personality trait that makes divorce more likely. This is just an example, but you get the idea.
Something like smoking and cancer is a very linear relationship; a relationship that was not understood 50 years ago because they did not have the scientific know how to understand what happens in the body when a cigarette is smoked.
The relationships people have with one another and the reasons for divorce are so varied that it would be absurd to assume a linear correlation as would be reasonable in your example of smoking. It is not a cut and dry cause and effect scenario we are dealing with: the cancer can be traced back to the cancer causing agents in cigarettes.
I can guarantee you that divorce could not be attributed back to living in the same house before marraige. It's just not that simple. Again, it's a mistake to assume correlation is causation.
Originally posted by Generic MALE
Apart from any statements based on faith, numerous studies show that couples that live together before getting married are more likely to get divorced than those that do not (a cut and paste is inculded below of a recent CDC study). Other studies show that the children of people who live together before marraige do more poorly in school and domestic violence is higher among couples who live together before marraige.
Ok here is what I have to say about that. I haven't had the chance to read all 100,000 words of the research you guys posted, but I read a similar statistic that said::::
people who live together before getting married about 42% likely to stay together for over 10years as opposed to 53 or 55% of people who wait until they get married to live together, meaning that out of 100 couples who live together before they get married only 42 of them stay together past the 10year mark after marrige, and people who wait until they get married about 55 of them make it past the 10year mark.
My take on this study is that......
the study took into acount the time people where together after they go married and not the time before......... Lets say that if it takes you 11 years to grow appart from your mate, what ever the reason, you guys stay together for 11 years and just grow appart and separate after 11 years...... if you got married 4 years after living together then... you hit your 11 year mark at your 7th year of marrige, while a couple that gets married first hits their 11 year mark at their 11 years of marriage. it is simple math.
about the kids of non-married parents doing poorly in school and such, ::::: the reason why there are fukedup people in this world is because there are fukedup people having kids, and you are never going to stop that from happening, most women whom have 3 kids by different dads are usualy no getting married with every one of those kids dads, the kids suffer either way, fukedup trailor park people whom live in "free union" are usualy this way because they rotate mates all the time and can't afford to buy a differet 7k wedding band at the flea market every month, these people make up a large part of the statistics that serve the propaganda of the "Big Church" (like Big Tobacco).
If i could load and Uzzy with bullets tipped with RU486 I'd do a drive by from here to Alabama making sure to stop in West Virginia on the way.
My post about becoming sexualy confortable before marriage where ment for sane/stable/mature people not for every "Cleatis the Yuk Tooth Yokel" outhere, If I had it my way I would pay to give every wiskered face trailor park trash a vasectomy.
Apart from any statements based on faith, numerous studies show that couples that live together before getting married are more likely to get divorced than those that do not (a cut and paste is inculded below of a recent CDC study). Other studies show that the children of people who live together before marraige do more poorly in school and domestic violence is higher among couples who live together before marraige.
curling said:
Ok here is what I have to say about that. I haven't had the chance to read all 100,000 words of the research you guys posted, but I read a similar statistic that said::::
people who live together before getting married about 42% likely to stay together for over 10years as opposed to 53 or 55% of people who wait until they get married to live together, meaning that out of 100 couples who live together before they get married only 42 of them stay together past the 10year mark after marrige, and people who wait until they get married about 55 of them make it past the 10year mark.
My take on this study is that......
the study took into acount the time people where together after they go married and not the time before......... Lets say that if it takes you 11 years to grow appart from your mate, what ever the reason, you guys stay together for 11 years and just grow appart and separate after 11 years...... if you got married 4 years after living together then... you hit your 11 year mark at your 7th year of marrige, while a couple that gets married first hits their 11 year mark at their 11 years of marriage. it is simple math.
about the kids of non-married parents doing poorly in school and such, ::::: the reason why there are fukedup people in this world is because there are fukedup people having kids, and you are never going to stop that from happening, most women whom have 3 kids by different dads are usualy no getting married with every one of those kids dads, the kids suffer either way, fukedup trailor park people whom live in "free union" are usualy this way because they rotate mates all the time and can't afford to buy a differet 7k wedding band at the flea market every month, these people make up a large part of the statistics that serve the propaganda of the "Big Church" (like Big Tobacco).
If i could load and Uzzy with bullets tipped with RU486 I'd do a drive by from here to Alabama making sure to stop in West Virginia on the way.
My post about becoming sexualy confortable before marriage where ment for sane/stable/mature people not for every "Cleatis the Yuk Tooth Yokel" outhere, If I had it my way I would pay to give every wiskered face trailor park trash a vasectomy.
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