Refusal to do anal is messing me up... Help!

[krissy]

Boy, how things have changed.. hope it all works out for you!

 

[dullboy]

The cheating incident happened 9 years ago. We've been together for 11 years total, dating 6 and being married 5. We are each other's first. I lost my virginity to her and she lost hers (vaginal) to me when we were just 18. She is the only girl I've ever been with. I'm also the only guy she has been with in the way of vaginal intercourse. Beside's me, the only other person she ever did anything with was this same guy and next to that one anal attempt, they only ever engaged in oral sex. She never gave up her vagina for anyone in the world but me and for that I'm forever grateful.

We talked for a long time last night and worked things out. As painful as it was, we went over the cheating incident in detail so I could deal with this once and for all and I actually found out things that helped me quite a bit. It turns out the guy tried for only a minute or 2 before she stopped him because it was too painful. So technically, only maybe the head of his penis went in, if even that. Since we never really talked about this incident in detail because it was too painful for me, I never knew this. I thought he went through with the whole thing and completed the act, cumming in her ass and all. I feel much better now because technically I'm still the only guy she's been with however she did cheat on me with him, orally and semi-anally and that will always be something I have to deal with. She was only 19 then, young and indecisive, and didn't know what she wanted so I can't hang that over her head anymore. I need to move on.

I'm going to just lay off the whole anal thing and just enjoy her for who she is. Maybe someday it will happen but I'm not going to dwell on it anymore. I love her so very much. She is my soulmate and I'm thankful for everyday that I have with her. Thanks for all everyone has said. You've all been very insightful and helpful to me.

Girls - pay attention to this post if you want some serious insight into the way the male mind works.

 

[jenscats5]

The cheating incident happened 9 years ago. We've been together for 11 years total, dating 6 and being married 5. We are each other's first. I lost my virginity to her and she lost hers (vaginal) to me when we were just 18. She is the only girl I've ever been with. I'm also the only guy she has been with in the way of vaginal intercourse. Beside's me, the only other person she ever did anything with was this same guy and next to that one anal attempt, they only ever engaged in oral sex. She never gave up her vagina for anyone in the world but me and for that I'm forever grateful.

We talked for a long time last night and worked things out. As painful as it was, we went over the cheating incident in detail so I could deal with this once and for all and I actually found out things that helped me quite a bit. It turns out the guy tried for only a minute or 2 before she stopped him because it was too painful. So technically, only maybe the head of his penis went in, if even that. Since we never really talked about this incident in detail because it was too painful for me, I never knew this. I thought he went through with the whole thing and completed the act, cumming in her ass and all. I feel much better now because technically I'm still the only guy she's been with however she did cheat on me with him, orally and semi-anally and that will always be something I have to deal with. She was only 19 then, young and indecisive, and didn't know what she wanted so I can't hang that over her head anymore. I need to move on.

I'm going to just lay off the whole anal thing and just enjoy her for who she is. Maybe someday it will happen but I'm not going to dwell on it anymore. I love her so very much. She is my soulmate and I'm thankful for everyday that I have with her. Thanks for all everyone has said. You've all been very insightful and helpful to me.

I'm glad you guys were able to talk it out.....in light of the new information - things have changed quite a bit.....

And now that the pressure to comply is off her, so to speak, maybe someday she'd be willing to try it....

 

[manny78]

Cheater once..... oh well never mind.

So now cause only the head went down it's semi-anal ? Didnt know this thing existed. Cheating is cheating. Semi-anal, oral, vaginal, finger fucking who cares.

Another mistake: marriying the only girl someone has been with. Kindda like buying the first car you see at the dealership instead of trying 2-3 other brands just to make sure. Dude, i hope things are ok and that you're happy. Also hope that you wont make a thread here in a year or two about your divorce and how thinbgs suck.

 

[dullboy]

Cheater once..... oh well never mind.

So now cause only the head went down it's semi-anal ? Didnt know this thing existed. Cheating is cheating. Semi-anal, oral, vaginal, finger fucking who cares.

Another mistake: marriying the only girl someone has been with. Kindda like buying the first car you see at the dealership instead of trying 2-3 other brands just to make sure. Dude, i hope things are ok and that you're happy. Also hope that you wont make a thread here in a year or two about your divorce and how thinbgs suck.

take it easy on the guy - they've been together for a long time (11 years is what dullboy believes he said).

...and lots of people cheat.

for lots of different reasons. cheating has has supprisingly little to with character; it's a far more complicated behavior than that.

very generally, girls will cheat when it's perceived that their relationship is broken or going nowhere, which dullboy is reasonably certain was the case in this individuals experience.

dullboy has little patience for those who cast aspersions on others.

 

[manny78]

take it easy on the guy - they've been together for a long time (11 years is what dullboy believes he said).

...and lots of people cheat.

for lots of different reasons. cheating has has supprisingly little to with character; it's a far more complicated behavior than that.

very generally, girls will cheat when it's perceived that their relationship is broken or going nowhere, which dullboy is reasonably certain was the case in this individuals experience.

dullboy has little patience for those who cast aspersions on others.

Dullboy should know that you cant make up your mind about women if you marry right away the first pussy you met and poked. Damn, I couldnt buy a Ferrari without test driving a Lambo even if i'm 98% sure that it's the Ferrari I want. And obviously, she felt at some point that her choice wasnt perhaps the best or needed to take a test drive elsewhere which she did. He didnt.

Btw cheating is cheating. No matter the reasons behind, it's a breach of confidence. You may work things out but on the long run, it will hit you back like a boomerang in your relationship. A guy/girl living with a cheater is just sitting on a time bomb. damn the guy makes a huge deal for anal, next thing we know, it's related to her cheating past. Ok they worked this out but what about the next one ? "Oh she wont do this or that but I'm sure she would have done that for that dude"...... that's the problem with cheating. The victim believe his entitled to use the event as an excuse for every demand (which is legitimate) and the cheater will one day get sick of it.

 

[gautho]

I think if his girl reads this beautiful article about how much he loves her, he may just get what he wanted. As long as he doesn't charge in there like a battering ram!

 

[Longhorn85]

She is the only girl I've ever been with. I'm also the only guy she has been with in the way of vaginal intercourse. Beside's me, the only other person she ever did anything with was this same guy and next to that one anal attempt, they only ever engaged in oral sex.

Just my opinion but,

1) I find it hard to believe that two could engage in oral and (semi) anal but not vaginal. That would take incredible will power.

2) Given the fact that she is the only girl you've been with, you would probably feel much better after having an affair and getting some anal. (Not recommended)

 

[Snarling Force]

Manny I did test drive her for 6 years before deciding to marry her. It certainly wasn't something I jumped into. I agree with you totally that people that marry someone so quickly after knowing them is a huge mistake. After those 6 years, I knew she was the one. So far my life with her has made me happier than I could have ever hoped for. We have had a fun 11 years together. We have no kids so its just her and I enjoying the end of our twenties. She is my best friend and the only woman I would ever want to be with. I know it may seem crazy to some guys that I've only ever been with a single woman, but I'm fine with that. She is worth it to me.

 

[manny78]

Manny I did test drive her for 6 years before deciding to marry her. It certainly wasn't something I jumped into. I agree with you totally that people that marry someone so quickly after knowing them is a huge mistake. After those 6 years, I knew she was the one. So far my life with her has made me happier than I could have ever hoped for. We have had a fun 11 years together. We have no kids so its just her and I enjoying the end of our twenties. She is my best friend and the only woman I would ever want to be with. I know it may seem crazy to some guys that I've only ever been with a single woman, but I'm fine with that. She is worth it to me.

Then either forget about the cheating (cause it will ruin your marriage on the long run) or go with Longhorn's advice and get your candy elsewhere. I dont approve that approach but hey, she did it to you so it's your call now.