Refusal to do anal is messing me up... Help!

[dullboy]

Then either forget about the cheating (cause it will ruin your marriage on the long run) or go with Longhorn's advice and get your candy elsewhere. I dont approve that approach but hey, she did it to you so it's your call now.

wha?

dullboy thinks you're too busy projecting and not reading his posts. when did he mention that he wanted to cheat on his wife? you're exhibiting some sort of reaction formation.

this "cheating" incident occured faily early in their relationship and when they were both still teenagers. additionally, based on the information provided, this was an isolated incident; meaning that it only occured during one period of time.

dullboy has a reasonable basis to form his earlier expressed opinion in his prior post.

question for snarling - how would you deal with this issue of your wifes past intimacy if it occurred before your relationship? dullboy bets that you would equally "jealous".

 

[Wulfgar]

my best friend is marrying the 2nd girl he ever had sex with(they have been together 6 years as well(the other girl was a hooker I bought for him in high school to pop his cherry, he still bitches at me about, but hey, what are friends for?)
anyways, she is his first and only(although I did remember her saying she dated guy before and when she finally gave him a blowjob he dumped her.

anyhow. 2 obvious people with very little sexual experience and variety and they are extremely happy. I think, in fact, they will defy the odds and make it in the long run

Makes me jealous sometimes....oh well, we each walk our own path
good luck force, looks like u and your wife have a good future to look forwards too

 

[dullboy]

and getting married is hardly akin to buying a car.

that's the worst. analogy. ever.

lol

 

[manny78]

wha?

dullboy thinks you're too busy projecting and not reading his posts. when did he mention that he wanted to cheat on his wife? you're exhibiting some sort of reaction formation.

this "cheating" incident occured faily early in their relationship and when they were both still teenagers. additionally, based on the information provided, this was an isolated incident; meaning that it only occured during one period of time.

dullboy has a reasonable basis to form his earlier expressed opinion in his prior post.

question for snarling - how would you deal with this issue of your wifes past intimacy if it occurred before your relationship? dullboy bets that you would equally "jealous".

Me thinks, cheating is like a roach, you find one, there're others hidden here and there. But that's just me....

To answer your question: if it happened before, I would be kindda jealous but not to the point of ruinning my marriage. A bit and that's it.

 

[dullboy]

Me thinks, cheating is like a roach, you find one, there're others hidden here and there. But that's just me....

To answer your question: if it happened before, I would be kindda jealous but not to the point of ruinning my marriage. A bit and that's it.

lol - my question was for snarlingforce, not you.


dullboy knows your answer - you'd use it as an excuse to cheat on her - lol

j/k

 

[Sassy69]

SF - I'm so glad you both were able to sit down & discuss -- there is SOOOO much that people assume or draw from what parts they know, then throw in that the topic is so close to home that it is truly hard to say for sure what is going on - it is much too emotional to deal w/ clearly. You simply cannot make broad generalizations about someone based on their actions at age 18-19. You just cant' IMO.

This thing w/ the oral & anal -- no pregnancy --- I can't believe people, esp kids these days consider these viable options to intimacy -- get on B/C, use a condom or something but be responsible for god's sake. Things are different from when I grew up I guess....

But the important thing is to keep these things in perspective - and those things that are truly painful to her - physically or emotionally - you simply cannot blackmail or persuade or push her into doing something like that. If that is the most important part of your relaitonship then its time to toss the relationship. Obviously its not to you so either be patient or just enjoy what you do have - as stated above - I think its a treasure to find what you have at the age you have. Don't take it for granted or demean its value. It is priceless.

 

[Snarling Force]

You are correct dullboy. If the incident happened before we met, I suspect I'd be just as jealous or envious of what he was able to do and probably would have handled things the same way.

About getting your candy elsewhere... I could never live with myself because of the guilt I would feel. Some guys can do it no problem and I know many that do. For me though, that 15 minutes or so of selfish pleasure would create a burden of guilt I would either have to carry with me forever or come clean about which would would destroy our relationship. It will never be worth it to me.

wha?

dullboy thinks you're too busy projecting and not reading his posts. when did he mention that he wanted to cheat on his wife? you're exhibiting some sort of reaction formation.

this "cheating" incident occured faily early in their relationship and when they were both still teenagers. additionally, based on the information provided, this was an isolated incident; meaning that it only occured during one period of time.

dullboy has a reasonable basis to form his earlier expressed opinion in his prior post.

question for snarling - how would you deal with this issue of your wifes past intimacy if it occurred before your relationship? dullboy bets that you would equally "jealous".

 

[w84me]

I was going to suggest (if you ever get the discussion going again) ... to "come" first, then as she works you back up, you won't be as big or hard for the second round of love making -- and backside entry.

In the future love making, you could also leave off any toys in that area for awhile. Refuse entry of anything. See if she truly craves it and starts asking for entry.

just a few little things to ponder ...

 

[SlimJim52]

Personally, I think anal is gross (unclean), but some ppl love it.
It sounds to me like there are underlying issues in your marriage b/c fighting over the lack of anal sex does not seem sufficient.
Maybe she used to like it, but doesn't now.
You can always ask her why she doesn't like it anymore.

I always say this to the guys I was dating that wanted anal sex so badly(have a anal sex hating boyfriend now yayyyyy), but I would ask "If you can handle a dick in your ass going in and out, then we'll talk about it in my ass" . That pretty much stopped the need for them to ram me in the butt!
Sorry to be so vulgar but ya know!!!
I think maybe you are obsessed b/c now it's off limits. We (as humans) always want what we cannot have.
Lay off of your wife for a while and just enjoy the rest of her.

Hmm, you bring the strap on? I'll try if you do. But, I digress and know you not. Never mind. LOL

 

[blueta2]

Cheater once..... oh well never mind.

So now cause only the head went down it's semi-anal ? Didnt know this thing existed. Cheating is cheating. Semi-anal, oral, vaginal, finger fucking who cares.

Another mistake: marriying the only girl someone has been with. Kindda like buying the first car you see at the dealership instead of trying 2-3 other brands just to make sure. Dude, i hope things are ok and that you're happy. Also hope that you wont make a thread here in a year or two about your divorce and how thinbgs suck.

When I was 21 I bought the first car I saw and never even took it for a test drive. I had that car for 14 yrs until it died....Some ppl are happy with their first car.....And the analogy of a relationship to buying a car is the STUPIDEST thing I ever heard!
And yeah go easy on this guy.....he was mature enough to work it out, talk about it and take others advice. I think him and his wife will do just fine.