Refusal to do anal is messing me up... Help!

[Sassy69]

Obviously there's somethign about it that she just doesn't like. And further because you've "tried" to drop a hint or get her to do it in the past and she's "freaked" - can you just ask her about it - just so you can understand where she's at w/ it now? Not like accusing her - oh you used to do it before, so why not now? You can't lay that sort of shit on people as viable "persuasion" w/ somethign that intimate and "taboo". Its just not fair, and then it starts to feel like an attack. And if you try to sneak it in, that will just further emphasize to her that you won't respect her wishes to not do it.

Can you discuss it in a neutral, objective way? If she says it hurts, then you can ask why it hurts now but didnt' before -- I mean pursue the topic to understand it so you can understand her boundaries. But if it keeps coming across like you just aren't going to let it go, she will back further into her corner on it and you will end up in useless arguments.

 

[immortalis]

Maybe a better question is - why do you want to do something to your wife that causes her pain, freaks her out, makes her uncomfortable & is outside her boundaries??

at one point it didnt cause her too much pain, it didnt freak her out, it didnt make her uncomfortable and wasnt ourside her boundaries, because they used to do it in their past.

Having candy given to you, then taken away never to be offered again fuckin sucks. If im with a woman who is completely against it... oh well, no biggie. But if I get it once, i at least expect it again at some point in the future. Is that selfish? Or should I just be thankfull I got one run at it and then move on?

Somethin else has to be goin on here...

 

[jenscats5]

at one point it didnt cause her too much pain, it didnt freak her out, it didnt make her uncomfortable and wasnt ourside her boundaries, because they used to do it in their past.

Having candy given to you, then taken away never to be offered again fuckin sucks. If im with a woman who is completely against it... oh well, no biggie. But if I get it once, i at least expect it again at some point in the future. Is that selfish? Or should I just be thankfull I got one run at it and then move on?

Somethin else has to be goin on here...

But it is NOW.....and "forcing" her into it will cause her as Sassy said to retreat further.....

ORRRRRRRRRRR - maybe it all did before also, but she never said so......

But yes - sounds like other issues are at play.....

 

[velvett]

I just wanna know what the hell other stuff you've been plugging that hole with?????

 

[AinteasybeingDiesie]

Dude straight up all I have to say is pop some rolls & take a shot of GHB broski. - And allways - I repeat allways - keep one hand on the clit when you attempt to tap the holiest of holies. - just putting my 2cc's in. Later.

 

[manny78]

If you stuck 3 fingers but she doesnt want your cock in then there's a problem. Figure it out. Otherwise, dont make such a big deal out of it. Messing your relationship for anal is dumb.

 

[Snarling Force]

Thanks for all the comments and help. I really appreciate it and its made me take a step back and look at everything everyone has added in this thread. Many good points to take into consideration.

Just to clarify, when I said other stuff, I meant dildo's, vibrators, etc but all of these are not nearly as thick as a real penis. Also as some suggested, we have got drunk and that didn't work. E was a different story though. That was as close as I've come but that was about a month ago. I thought for sure during our rolling sex session it would happen, especially since you don't really feel a whole lot of pain while on e or at least I don't anyway.

And Jenscat when you say it may be a control issue, I believe you may be right. Part of all this stems from a former boyfriend long ago who took her anal virginity before I ever even thought of doing anal. This incident happened while we were together so she was cheating on me. We were just teenagers then. So when I found out that not only had she cheated on me with him, but he had anal sex with her, I freaked out and demanded that I be able to do it and that is how it all first began.

So now everytime when this issue arises, I think of this guy, going there before me, and it makes me sick and angry and I just want to do it. I want 100% of her, not 99%. She'll give me everything in the world but not that. I know maybe I'm screwed up in my thinking, but that is why I came on here to get advice and I do appreciate everyone's help.

 

[Wulfgar]

Thanks for all the comments and help. I really appreciate it and its made me take a step back and look at everything everyone has added in this thread. Many good points to take into consideration.

Just to clarify, when I said other stuff, I meant dildo's, vibrators, etc but all of these are not nearly as thick as a real penis. Also as some suggested, we have got drunk and that didn't work. E was a different story though. That was as close as I've come but that was about a month ago. I thought for sure during our rolling sex session it would happen, especially since you don't really feel a whole lot of pain while on e or at least I don't anyway.

And Jenscat when you say it may be a control issue, I believe you may be right. Part of all this stems from a former boyfriend long ago who took her anal virginity before I ever even thought of doing anal. This incident happened while we were together so she was cheating on me. We were just teenagers then. So when I found out that not only had she cheated on me with him, but he had anal sex with her, I freaked out and demanded that I be able to do it and that is how it all first began.

So now everytime when this issue arises, I think of this guy, going there before me, and it makes me sick and angry and I just want to do it. I want 100% of her, not 99%. She'll give me everything in the world but not that. I know maybe I'm screwed up in my thinking, but that is why I came on here to get advice and I do appreciate everyone's help.

aww dude...bro...damn....been there....I definately thinkthat shined light on the whole subject. I know it sounds cliche. But Ive been cheated on numerous(6) times by girls ive been with. And I went into each relationship knowing the girl was a cheat. I even took one of them back 2 times. I held the hope over and over that the whole "once a cheat, always a cheat" cliche wasnt true.
My heart has been buried because of it. Seems to me she has some issues about doing it with you cause of how you started it out basically threatening her into it cause its what homeboy did before you.
makes me fuckin nauseous man knowing all those girls I was with were fucking other guys on the side...jesus....i feel your pain bud

 

[dullboy]

Thanks for all the comments and help. I really appreciate it and its made me take a step back and look at everything everyone has added in this thread. Many good points to take into consideration.

Just to clarify, when I said other stuff, I meant dildo's, vibrators, etc but all of these are not nearly as thick as a real penis. Also as some suggested, we have got drunk and that didn't work. E was a different story though. That was as close as I've come but that was about a month ago. I thought for sure during our rolling sex session it would happen, especially since you don't really feel a whole lot of pain while on e or at least I don't anyway.

And Jenscat when you say it may be a control issue, I believe you may be right. Part of all this stems from a former boyfriend long ago who took her anal virginity before I ever even thought of doing anal. This incident happened while we were together so she was cheating on me. We were just teenagers then. So when I found out that not only had she cheated on me with him, but he had anal sex with her, I freaked out and demanded that I be able to do it and that is how it all first began.

So now everytime when this issue arises, I think of this guy, going there before me, and it makes me sick and angry and I just want to do it. I want 100% of her, not 99%. She'll give me everything in the world but not that. I know maybe I'm screwed up in my thinking, but that is why I came on here to get advice and I do appreciate everyone's help.

you roll with your wife?

dan-ger-ous

btw - dullboy has addressed your very issue on a professional level in prior threads. (as professional as this sort of medium allows).

id vs. ego stuff

 

[dullboy]

very few (anecdotally > 2%) of men can deal with salacious, carnal information about their serious girfriend/fiance/wifes past sexual encounters and history.

basically, men visualize these events, women don't.

never ask. never tell.