post your awkward sex/hookup moments

[Gigantasor]

So I'm bouncing in the bar about 2 years ago. Typical crazy saturday night, people all over the place drunk as hell. This girl everyone has been trying to tap for about a year shows up with her boyfriend at the time drunk as hell.

You can tell they were fighting and she was pissed. I work the back stair well neary the VIP entrance and private VIP rooms. She comes up and I'm like hell no I can't pass this up. But being a gentle man I don't push anything.

At some point she says in pretty basic terms that she wants mr. bald dog. So me being the gentleman let her into the Privat VIP room and we get to work. She is going down on me hard when the door opens and my boss is standing there. I jump as she is going down and that was it.

She started puking on my junk right there. My boss just laughed his ass off as I stood there with this girl blowing chunks in my shorts and my junk pointing the way. Talk about messed up. Don't matter though I got her to make up for it the next night over and over again and earned hella bragging rights.

Her boyfriend was pissed.

Gig

 

[superqt4u2nv]

My 2nd year of college shared a 2 bedroom apartment with 2 other girls. 2 bedrooms and 3 girls how does that work? I was a bit to nice agreed to make the living room my bedroom! Anyways we put up a cutain to block the living room off for more privacy, but my room was that party room peeps always walked in with out knocking. So there me and my bf had just finshed the deed sweaty and sleepy under the covers. One of my roomates bf's walks in. What up D? Uh not much dude... Looking at him like HELLO GET THE FUCK OUT... Anyways he didn't get the picture I was like dude get the fuck out. That place I could always hear the other chcik getting it on and vice virsa.

 

[Carmen]

I was also expecting some good stuff to read....

How about the guy you recognized @ the mall, the one you used to see when you were a teenager (but lied about your age to him)? Bet there's some good stories there

nothing strange with him. i was 16 and everything was ok in the bedroom till i told him my age.

 

[p0ink]

bo-ring.

 

[The Bronze One]

I banged a fat chick once. This chick had fat folds. I was at a party and all the guests had left except for my army buddy, his gf (hottie) and this fat friendly chick. We were all trashed, and my buddy takes his girl upstairs and leaves me alone with the cow grazing her way through the referigerator. She was bent over and I caught myself looking at her ass. Her mammoth butt looked pretty good all of a sudden, stretching out that neon pink and green spandex that everyone wore back in '93.
We were talking an hanging out, while she started to make advances. I was still resisting a bit, but then we heard my buddy upstairs just railing this hot chick. That shit was loud and made us horny, so we just went at it.

Even the jack daniels couldnt completely block out the uglyness of what we did, and busting a nut sobered me up enough to realize I had to get out of there before anyone saw me.

But even worse was the time I was fucking this drunk chick and she ended up passing out while we were banging. I had to check her pulse, and then wondered if I should just finish or stop and leave.

My stories are stupid.

 

[Robert Jan]

unless your parents are retarded, they know you like to fuck girls up their ass.

luckily i have never had a problem with parents, or girls parents even, bothering us.
We dont go upstairs, into one of our rooms, at 4 in the afternoon, to play monopoly or something.

Parents are fucking stupid if they walk in. Stay downstairs, turn on the tv loud enough so you dont have to hear it, and stfu until both have come down.

Also hold the goddamn calls. Thats one thing my parents did go wrong on

"R, Dan is on the phone!"
"Tell him im not here"
"He already heard now!"

Fuck Dan.
Fuck mom too.
And fuck the guy who pumped Dans gas last week.

In overall though it was alright. Usually Id lay out two matrasses side by side in my room since I had a single bed, so right on the floor, and the sheets would have sticky hard spots in them and there'd be baby oil beside the bed and then id leave it like that and sometimes I'd come back and my room looked like nothing happened, my mother actually cleaned up after that.

I'm pretty sure my gfs parents once found a long piece of rope, a pack of sachets of anal lube and some beaded chains on her bed... They are still very nice to me. Im not sure how id handle that. She turns 17 this week. Totally 16 at the time.

Now I moved out, and I have to clean the cumstains out myself.
I have to clean the shitstains out of my own underwear too.
Im so disrespectful.
You may hate me now

 

[Raina]

I've posted this before but oh well. A close girlfriend of mine went home with a guy after a party. All was well until he went into his walk-in closet. She figured he was getting a condom. No. Instead he emerged in a pleather g-string with a zipper up the front and gyrated around a bunch thinking he was hot stuff. She did all she could to keep from laughing. Then when he got to the bed he tried to get her to play with the zipper and she told him to just take it off because she was so turned on. lol

The most awkward sexual experience I've been involved with was probably one night about 4 years ago when I was REALLY drunk. And in the middle of sex I threw of the idea of having a 3-way with his brother. It didn't go over well. I can't believe I even said that...but now we think it's funny. That's the best way to turn off your sex partner though.

I've also had a couple of sexual experiences with very drunk guys in college. One of them I described as being less stimulating than a fingernail clipping.

 

[Robert Jan]

I've posted this before but oh well. A close girlfriend of mine went home with a guy after a party. All was well until he went into his walk-in closet. She figured he was getting a condom. No. Instead he emerged in a pleather g-string with a zipper up the front and gyrated around a bunch thinking he was hot stuff. She did all she could to keep from laughing. Then when he got to the bed he tried to get her to play with the zipper and she told him to just take it off because she was so turned on. lol

The most awkward sexual experience I've been involved with was probably one night about 4 years ago when I was REALLY drunk. And in the middle of sex I threw of the idea of having a 3-way with his brother. It didn't go over well. I can't believe I even said that...but now we think it's funny. That's the best way to turn off your sex partner though.

I've also had a couple of sexual experiences with very drunk guys in college. One of them I described as being less stimulating than a fingernail clipping.

you described him as such to who?

Every hot girl in college?

I'd like to have an incestuous threeway. specially with twins. they always do it in porn.

 

[Raina]

I described him as such to a friend. Not to him. Though I wouldn't have minded telling him too. I found out the next day that he had a gf.

 

[chesty]

I took my first wifes virginity from her while her father sat next to us bottle feeding a foster child. We were under the blanket on the couch when he came out, sat down and started talking to us.

This was in Phx in the middle of the summer. He never used the air conditioner. It was like a 110 degrees in that house at 1 in the morning and here we were under the blankets sweating our asses off while it just found its way in. Wish I was 18 again.