Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below I have the same problem. After marriage, *I* was the one that changed (for the better) so I feel like I have no right to push my SO to change with me, even if the smoke is repulsive. I am still madly in love, but the lust lights are low. Leaving isn't really an option - I think that would be shallow of me - but I don't have any easy answers either. My SO has good intentions, just zero conviction. It's too hard to eat well and too time consuming to go to the gym... or something.
Partner is getting fat and affecting our relationship?
- Thread starter shoichi
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w84me
New member
I'm not sure but I didn't see anything mentioning this ... but does she KNOW exactly how you feel? If you are considering leaving her anyway, why not detail out your feelings and take the chance that she will see you through? Make sure you come across as you are concerned for her well-being and health ... as well as something that you could both enjoy together. Also, if she is not healthy now and you do get married, what happens when she gets pregnant? if she doesn't want to get fit now ... she will probably use pregnancy as another means to "let go" of herself.
just MHO though
just MHO though
w84me said:
This was my point in seeking some wise counsel. If communications is not working using the normal channels, it is helpful sometimes to try something different. A guided program of communication is quite helpful in getting back on the same wavelength.
Nax and Spats, give it a try. You might be pleasantly surprised at the results.
takniteasy
Banned
I think it is only natural to desire your S/O to better themselves physically and to take care of their health. While I can relate to what your feeling in a sense, as my S/O does not work out, I agree with what BE posted. Try the caring approach instead of the physical attractiveness aspect. I have discussed working out with my boyfriend for his health and he is just not into this scene. However, since expressing my concern for his unhealthy eating habits, he has been more open and willing to try new healthier foods. It probably helped that he sees what an unhealthy eating lifestyle has affected his parents. 
Good luck and I wish you the best!
Good luck and I wish you the best!
The case is clearly not one of not caring about them as a person, or we probably wouldn't still be with them. The problem is that sex is a big part of most relationships and when physical attractiveness wanes, it causes other areas to suffer. It's such a touchy subject and we don't want to be insensitive, but when the SO wonders "where has the passion gone" sometimes... what do you say?
I, too, have tried to express my concern for his health in general, but I suspect he is going to be one of those who has to actually have a heart attack to see the damage he is doing. It's extraordinarily frustrating.
I, too, have tried to express my concern for his health in general, but I suspect he is going to be one of those who has to actually have a heart attack to see the damage he is doing. It's extraordinarily frustrating.
Millie
New member
well, to me it looks like both your interests and priorities have changed over the years - you went into BB, while she didn't. you said that when you met, both of you were in a bad shape, but back then you apparently were attracted to her and fell in love with her. maybe you saw something wonderful about her, which was beyond the physical. could it be that you can't see that wonderful side of her now, because of your great interest in BB? how would you feel, if she went into quantum physics, for example, and later on decided to dump you because you guys don't share the same interest in this subject?
but, if you really don't want to be with her anymore, for whatever reasons, then don't drag it on - in the end you will both regret it and you m9ight end up hating each other.
but, if you really don't want to be with her anymore, for whatever reasons, then don't drag it on - in the end you will both regret it and you m9ight end up hating each other.
w84me
New member
how about for the next few 'special' occasions ... you purchase a few training sessions with a trainer you trust that won't over gruel her & challenge her to get back in to shape ... or a free month at the gym ... over time, instead of going out to dinner, or jewelry ... keep the hints going. She may end getting fed up over what she calls "insensitive" gifts. Or, she may actually take the challenge.
Thanks everyone - I'm really overwhelmed with the amount of quality replies.
There were alot of good points, suggestions, and different perceptions that never crossed my mind. velvett - your right. I hated being unhealthy, out of shape, and in my mind - just not where I wanted to be. w84me - that's an awesome idea but the only problem is....well I am a trainer. And that's a large part of the problem as well; I work with people all day who are in excellent shape and train people who want to be in that healthier category. And when I hear her say how she wants to do all these things but doesn't, I think she's exactly like one of the people who I talk to who wants to do things but will never do it. She has actually told me on several occasions to stop talking to her like one of my clients. I scheduled some time off soon so I can get away from the gym atmosphere. People tell me I have taken this way too seriously but it is a lifestyle change.
Millie, you had a really good point IMO. I don't have much to say but that really hit me, I'll definitely think it over.
Naxis, you pretty much summed up what I was trying to say but didn't say outright. I value alot of physical attractness even though it's not what caught my attention the first time. She's hilarious and we get along really well. However 1) I don't think I could see her dating other people and I know she feels the same so just being friends is kind of painful and 2) I am just not attracted to her. And if 3 years into the relationship she's letting herself go - what will happen if we get married? I'm 21...and maybe I won't care about this as much in the future....but...sex is important to me. Especially when you don't have it at all anymore because you aren't attracted to your S/O and they just aren't in the "mood".
And lastly, BigEasy, your right. We've tried going to our friends but none of our friends really get along with each other. I hang out with primarily people who are really active, and she hangs out with people who...just share different interests. I'm not one to judge - I've done lots of bad things in my life. Though she is really important to me. I'm going to take some time off of work and try to spend some time with her and cut the frequency of my workouts down (I can't completely cut them off - I'd simply be cheating myself). Thanks for all the replies/suggestions/help.
There were alot of good points, suggestions, and different perceptions that never crossed my mind. velvett - your right. I hated being unhealthy, out of shape, and in my mind - just not where I wanted to be. w84me - that's an awesome idea but the only problem is....well I am a trainer. And that's a large part of the problem as well; I work with people all day who are in excellent shape and train people who want to be in that healthier category. And when I hear her say how she wants to do all these things but doesn't, I think she's exactly like one of the people who I talk to who wants to do things but will never do it. She has actually told me on several occasions to stop talking to her like one of my clients. I scheduled some time off soon so I can get away from the gym atmosphere. People tell me I have taken this way too seriously but it is a lifestyle change.
Millie, you had a really good point IMO. I don't have much to say but that really hit me, I'll definitely think it over.
Naxis, you pretty much summed up what I was trying to say but didn't say outright. I value alot of physical attractness even though it's not what caught my attention the first time. She's hilarious and we get along really well. However 1) I don't think I could see her dating other people and I know she feels the same so just being friends is kind of painful and 2) I am just not attracted to her. And if 3 years into the relationship she's letting herself go - what will happen if we get married? I'm 21...and maybe I won't care about this as much in the future....but...sex is important to me. Especially when you don't have it at all anymore because you aren't attracted to your S/O and they just aren't in the "mood".
And lastly, BigEasy, your right. We've tried going to our friends but none of our friends really get along with each other. I hang out with primarily people who are really active, and she hangs out with people who...just share different interests. I'm not one to judge - I've done lots of bad things in my life. Though she is really important to me. I'm going to take some time off of work and try to spend some time with her and cut the frequency of my workouts down (I can't completely cut them off - I'd simply be cheating myself). Thanks for all the replies/suggestions/help.
