Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below VLC - damn girl, that sounded a bit judgemental. If you read Monster's post further down on the page I think you will see that while the relationship may be a little unconventional it is based on a love and commitment that all of us in conventional relationships would be lucky to have. Far be it from me to rag on somebody because they have found love no matter what form it may come in.
The_Monster
New member
VLC: Teaching someone to know their own body cant be done with someone else. If he is telling her what to do then he is telling her what HE wants to see her do, NOT hwat she is feeling and responding to. This is a clinically proven method for increasing orgasmic response and Masters and Johnson has the papers on it to back that up. Its not meant to be kinky sex or a new horizon on the sexual experiance, it is supposed to be one person getting to know their body and understand their own pleasure.
As long as the man is present it becomes little more than the woman attempting to please the man in an different way. Partners enjoying sex toys is a fun way to enhance sex, but that is not the point of this. It is simply to teach her how to please herself so she will know how someone else can please her.
You cant tell someone how to please themself. You may get off by having a man tell you "do this and do that" but that is not the same thing. She is in need of a learning experiance in sexual gratification, not an instructional course in "how he wants her to do it".
Let me ask this. What kind of person are you inside?
When you answer, do you look inside of yourself and examine yourself to see what kind of person you are? Or do you go and ask someone "Hey, what kind of person am I?". Its the same thing...
I wont dignify your idiotic comments, as they werent meant to actually be questions, just veiled insults. But your comments on the thread make it very clear what type of person you are...
As long as the man is present it becomes little more than the woman attempting to please the man in an different way. Partners enjoying sex toys is a fun way to enhance sex, but that is not the point of this. It is simply to teach her how to please herself so she will know how someone else can please her.
You cant tell someone how to please themself. You may get off by having a man tell you "do this and do that" but that is not the same thing. She is in need of a learning experiance in sexual gratification, not an instructional course in "how he wants her to do it".
Let me ask this. What kind of person are you inside?
When you answer, do you look inside of yourself and examine yourself to see what kind of person you are? Or do you go and ask someone "Hey, what kind of person am I?". Its the same thing...
I wont dignify your idiotic comments, as they werent meant to actually be questions, just veiled insults. But your comments on the thread make it very clear what type of person you are...
VeggieLifterChick
New member
Sorry Monster, and Temple. I did not mean for my questions to be rude or judgemental. Nowhere in that post did I say I disapproved of how you live. I'm an athiest and I'm certainly no absolutist about morality. I'm just curious about how this whole thing works out, and I'm blunt about things. Maybe so blunt that I'm not tactful. Sorry if I offended either of you. Again, I don't disapprove, I'm not judging. I just don't get how it works.
ABout the guy being involved, I do disagree with you, and you don't need to put me down for it. I did discover what felt good from my boyfriend's ideas. That IS what worked for me. I was very naive about how to do things, and he helped me figure out what felt good. I'm not saying that this works for everyone. Being in the odd situation that you are, I think you ought to respect that what works for you or your wives is not what works for everyone. It was pretty messed up for you to be so judgemental, to assume that because I like having my boyfriend involved, I measure my self worth or construct my identity only through him. I think you ought to apologize for that comment.
ABout the guy being involved, I do disagree with you, and you don't need to put me down for it. I did discover what felt good from my boyfriend's ideas. That IS what worked for me. I was very naive about how to do things, and he helped me figure out what felt good. I'm not saying that this works for everyone. Being in the odd situation that you are, I think you ought to respect that what works for you or your wives is not what works for everyone. It was pretty messed up for you to be so judgemental, to assume that because I like having my boyfriend involved, I measure my self worth or construct my identity only through him. I think you ought to apologize for that comment.
Bikini Mod
New member
OK flamefest over!...
VLC dear not tryin' to tear you a new one but your comments DID come across as judgemental at worst and belittling at least (whatever, it is late and I am tired from work so you ALL know what I meant).
How old are you? (Not being judgemental just asking a question).
I have reached the point of orgasm from a kiss... yes, a kiss. (Only happened once with the current hunny... but who knows what the future holds?! LOL)
Can I get off without clitoral stimulation? What do yall think? But even though I am practically at the brink of orgasm during THE ENTIRE time that I and my hunny are going at it, I seldom climax more than twice... but when I get there he has to get off of me and I lay there literally wrything. I don't know if I could say that it is one big looooooong orgasm or just a whole bunch of consecutives, but either way I am in sensory overload to say the least. I have always had a very satisfying sex life (or so I thought) until I met this man. Now could I say that he can take ALL the credit? NO. I would even say that had I met him when I was ten years younger I would not be able to experience the pleasure I do now as I am becoming more free with my body and desire to experiencie it more with the passage of time (not that anyone could ever say that I was truly sexually repressed, still there were many things that I would NEVER even entertain doing a mere ten years ago that I AM DYING to experience now heheheheee).
I have NEVER condemned my children masturbating. Hell, we are practically born with AT LEAST ONE hand on our "thingamajiggies" (as I have recently discovered my girls call there "little man in the boat" - LOL!). I just always told my children that when they were done, to come out of their rooms and wash their hands. I never EVER want them to think that ANY aspect of their bodies or their sexuality is evil or dirty... Sex is an amazing gift to be shared between two mature adults. But as it is said about the emotion, so I believe it to hold true about the physical aspect of love... "How can you love someone else before you learn to love yourself?!"
My mother was VERY repressed and though I fought many of her ideas about sex, still MANY ideas lingered for MANY years... THANK GOD I got over them! Believe it or not, MANY of the sexual experiences that I have and desire to explore came from reading many of the posts on the between the sheets board here at elite.
Do you think a woman could EVER tell me how to give a good blow job?! I thought not. So then how could A MAN tell ME how to properly pleasure MYSELF?!..... makes no sense whatsoever.
As for my "skillz". I was never much for felatio as my ex never cared too much for lickin the kitty (actually made me paranoid that I smelled or tasted bad!... until I tasted myself recently and realize SHIT! My kitty is SWEET!). So unless I woke up really horny and wanted sex - I would pass on the BJ's. If he wasn't eating me, then why should I extend myself?! In contrast my current hunny is the most giving man that I have EVER met - in many ways and this extends to the boudior.... There is NOTHING that I wouldn't do to please him. Funny thing - it seems he derives the most pleasure from pleasing me!... Actually he told me, "Darlin' don't EVER question your skill in THAT department" (THANK YOU ELITE BETWEEN THE SHEETS! hehehehehhe)
As for me being "all that"... naaaaaaah, I ain't all that, but I intend to spend much of my very near future (if I am very lucky, who knows?) trying to achieve "all that" status in this arena as the hunny CERTAINLY IS.... heheheheheee
Having said all of this VLC, I am curious... could you describe what an orgasm feels like. (Not a quiz, just curious).
VLC dear not tryin' to tear you a new one but your comments DID come across as judgemental at worst and belittling at least (whatever, it is late and I am tired from work so you ALL know what I meant).
How old are you? (Not being judgemental just asking a question).
I have reached the point of orgasm from a kiss... yes, a kiss. (Only happened once with the current hunny... but who knows what the future holds?! LOL)
Can I get off without clitoral stimulation? What do yall think? But even though I am practically at the brink of orgasm during THE ENTIRE time that I and my hunny are going at it, I seldom climax more than twice... but when I get there he has to get off of me and I lay there literally wrything. I don't know if I could say that it is one big looooooong orgasm or just a whole bunch of consecutives, but either way I am in sensory overload to say the least. I have always had a very satisfying sex life (or so I thought) until I met this man. Now could I say that he can take ALL the credit? NO. I would even say that had I met him when I was ten years younger I would not be able to experience the pleasure I do now as I am becoming more free with my body and desire to experiencie it more with the passage of time (not that anyone could ever say that I was truly sexually repressed, still there were many things that I would NEVER even entertain doing a mere ten years ago that I AM DYING to experience now heheheheee).
I have NEVER condemned my children masturbating. Hell, we are practically born with AT LEAST ONE hand on our "thingamajiggies" (as I have recently discovered my girls call there "little man in the boat" - LOL!). I just always told my children that when they were done, to come out of their rooms and wash their hands. I never EVER want them to think that ANY aspect of their bodies or their sexuality is evil or dirty... Sex is an amazing gift to be shared between two mature adults. But as it is said about the emotion, so I believe it to hold true about the physical aspect of love... "How can you love someone else before you learn to love yourself?!"
My mother was VERY repressed and though I fought many of her ideas about sex, still MANY ideas lingered for MANY years... THANK GOD I got over them! Believe it or not, MANY of the sexual experiences that I have and desire to explore came from reading many of the posts on the between the sheets board here at elite.
Do you think a woman could EVER tell me how to give a good blow job?! I thought not. So then how could A MAN tell ME how to properly pleasure MYSELF?!..... makes no sense whatsoever.
As for my "skillz". I was never much for felatio as my ex never cared too much for lickin the kitty (actually made me paranoid that I smelled or tasted bad!... until I tasted myself recently and realize SHIT! My kitty is SWEET!). So unless I woke up really horny and wanted sex - I would pass on the BJ's. If he wasn't eating me, then why should I extend myself?! In contrast my current hunny is the most giving man that I have EVER met - in many ways and this extends to the boudior.... There is NOTHING that I wouldn't do to please him. Funny thing - it seems he derives the most pleasure from pleasing me!... Actually he told me, "Darlin' don't EVER question your skill in THAT department" (THANK YOU ELITE BETWEEN THE SHEETS! hehehehehhe)
As for me being "all that"... naaaaaaah, I ain't all that, but I intend to spend much of my very near future (if I am very lucky, who knows?) trying to achieve "all that" status in this arena as the hunny CERTAINLY IS.... heheheheheee
Having said all of this VLC, I am curious... could you describe what an orgasm feels like. (Not a quiz, just curious).
Glad the flame fest is over...
I don't really think there is ONE way.. So to say one is better ridiculous..
I'm perfectly free with my body- but to have the big "O" with a shower massage does NOTHING for me. But some girls love it.
It would have made me nothing but frustrated.. It's just not what gets me going
I think when the time is right and you relax and play around with different things, it will just happen..
Learn to relax and you can wake up from having one in your sleep
I don't really think there is ONE way.. So to say one is better ridiculous..
I'm perfectly free with my body- but to have the big "O" with a shower massage does NOTHING for me. But some girls love it.
It would have made me nothing but frustrated.. It's just not what gets me going
I think when the time is right and you relax and play around with different things, it will just happen..
Learn to relax and you can wake up from having one in your sleep
VeggieLifterChick
New member
Wow. So much for an end to the flame fest. So, because I questioned having multiple wives, which is definitely questionable (not like this is a legal or common situation in the US), you all think I'm evil and judgmental.
Now, Bmom, I'm not that naive. If that question wasn't a quiz, I don't know why you'd ask. Sounds like you know quite well exactly how an orgasm feels.
Now, Bmom, I'm not that naive. If that question wasn't a quiz, I don't know why you'd ask. Sounds like you know quite well exactly how an orgasm feels.
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The_Monster
New member
Ive been around too long and done too much to get bent out of shape by words Consider it dropped VLC. If you actually are interested, look at the "Prodigal Son (of a b***h)" thread. It explains my situation.There isnt on way that will work for everyone (of course). But judging from what oicu has said AND the way she has phrased things, the solo way is the way she'll se success. Some women require the validation of a man in their life, and dont feel complete without that (and men of women...). Many women are like that, and I guess there isnt anything too wrong with it, but self reliance is preferable.
I dont look down on anyone who is that way, because our phalocentric society still (albeit covertly) pushes gender roles. The glass ceiling is still firmly in place, female promiscuity is still "wrong" while male promiscuity is still a "status" symbol, the working mother is still seen as having her career at the expense of her family, and men are still viewed as needing to be the bread winner. It takes a lot of deprogramming to break that cycle, and it is NOT for everyone!
I stand 100% behind the statement that if you dont know how to please yourself, you will not be able to reliably have someone else please you.
Having the man there creates the erotic addition of preforming for him (which is good
dont get me wrong!), but it isnt a true journey into discovering yourself. It may lead to an orgasm from the thrill of being watched, but that additional thrill is getting away from the purpose of what is trying to be accomplished.To further illustrate, I make this point. Why is it that people in a happy, fulfilled relationship still masturbate?
The sorry story of days gone was that it was done because the persons partner couldnt satisfy them. Much like the crazy story that floats around "man world" regarding dildos... "Dont ever let a woman youre with have a dildo. She'll like it better than you and fall in love with it."
One has nothing to do with the other. Masturbation is not a commentary on the sexual ability of ones partner. It gets down to sexual release, and the fact that no one knows how to do you like YOU! A guy who's good for 45-60 minutes of intercourse can get himself off by masturbating in probobly 5 or 10 minutes...
I hate to beat that point to death, really I do. I also hate to sound like some sort of male-feminist, but it just grates on me to see women "need" men to solve their problems (ok, and vice-versa I guess
). But then again, I am well know for being mentally imbalanced!
Gladiola
New member
This may indeed be true 99.9999% of the time... but I am also another 'outlier'. Your statement is just not true ALL of the time for EVERYBODY. My boyfriend made me cum & THEN I learned to do it myself (without the shower). I feel like everyone isn't acknowledging that this situation is even possible. IT IS possible, really!The_Monster said:
Maybe it's not the ideal way for things to happen, but it's POSSIBLE & that's how it happened for me.
Although even my boyfriend has always said, & still says, "Who wants to mess around with a girl that's afraid of her own kitty? How can I please you if you don't know how to please yourself?" He still has that opinion on the issue, but somehow he managed it!!!!Back to the subject at hand (pun intended). I do not see how anyone could understand the full range of their sexuality without masturbation. Masturbation and sex with a partner are IMO almost like two totally different things. If they weren't married people wouldn't masturbate or we would all be so fulfilled on our own that there would be no need for a partner. Is it possibly to achieve orgasm with a partner without ever having masturbated - absolutely. But, if there is difficulty with orgasm the easiest and fastest way to achieve it is thru masturbation. Masturbation will also improve your responsiveness when you are with a partner.
Going back to the original post on this thread tells me that the boyfriend route for whatever reason is not working for her. At some point I believe that it will but the problem has to be solved in a pressure free environment. When a partner is involved there is a certain amount of pressure.
Every once in awhile a girl gets lucky and runs across a guy that just happens to do all the right things. You can spend years trying to find the one who's technique just happens to match up to your responses or you can figure out what your responses are and teach the one that you've got how to do it.
BMom brought up what I think is another very good point in that sexuality and responsivness change dramatically with age. Early in my marriage I was gratefull that I was getting off. Now that I am older my attitude is more "I'm here for the orgasm". I find it very interesting that men are raised to expect an orgasm from sex, for them without the orgasm it would be pretty much pointless. Women on the other hand do not seem to get that attitude until they are older if ever. I could be wrong but I'll bet that statistically young males spend more time masturbating than do young females - could there be a correlation?????
Going back to the original post on this thread tells me that the boyfriend route for whatever reason is not working for her. At some point I believe that it will but the problem has to be solved in a pressure free environment. When a partner is involved there is a certain amount of pressure.
Every once in awhile a girl gets lucky and runs across a guy that just happens to do all the right things. You can spend years trying to find the one who's technique just happens to match up to your responses or you can figure out what your responses are and teach the one that you've got how to do it.
BMom brought up what I think is another very good point in that sexuality and responsivness change dramatically with age. Early in my marriage I was gratefull that I was getting off. Now that I am older my attitude is more "I'm here for the orgasm". I find it very interesting that men are raised to expect an orgasm from sex, for them without the orgasm it would be pretty much pointless. Women on the other hand do not seem to get that attitude until they are older if ever. I could be wrong but I'll bet that statistically young males spend more time masturbating than do young females - could there be a correlation?????
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