Nothing's got better

[AMGETR]

I am taking 1 semester off, not because I want the easy way out, but rather because the last semester was horrible because of my mind always on her. I don't want to fuck up my GPA.

My businesses are doing great, and my portfolio is 400% stronger than last years, so I am on track with my pursuits and goals.

She's dating a bum. A guy that has no goals, no life, and no direction. He is my age, lives at home with his parents, drives a pos car, didn't graduate highschool, and is literally brain dead from all the drugs he does. A mutual friend I quote as saying, "[name] is so stupid that he couldn't even spell his name if it was written right in front of him".

 

[Wulfgar]

this thread saddens me
listen to sassy..grl knows her shit
and she likes to post nudes..

 

[megamania500]

As a few of you guys know, I broke up with my girlfriend last August. Then we got back together a month later and she dumped me on our Anniversary 2 months later. Reason was I caught her cheating.

Then 3 months later we got back together again, and she moved in with me. I was out of town, but she was at the place. A week before I got home, she dumped me again because I found out she brought a guy back to my place.

Now, it's almost 2 months and still nothing is better. I haven't been able to find a girl to replace her in any way at all. Every time I go to a club I either leave empty handed, or with some girl that I don't care about.

Everyone tells me "it's for the best." "things will get better", but yet, nothing has gotten better. I still miss my ex so dearly, even after all the heartache.

When does life start getting better? Cause I'm at the point where I want to call her, or text her, and just tell her I miss her. She has a new rebound boyfriend, the guy is a real loser (I know him).

I responded earlier about how you should try and see how its your feelings for her that you have to try and remove from your heart. Once you get those out of your heart and mind, she can do whatever she wants and it will no longer affect you.

But after re-reading this first post, I noticed a few new things I didn't see the first time. Did you know that when it comes to human relationships, its usually the woman who chooses who she will be with? Yeah, guys want to think that they are in control, but when it comes down to it, the women are the ones who decide who is going to be with who. Anyway, once a relationship begins, one of the two people will have dominance, or "power", over the other. From what I read in your post, this girl had total control, or dominance, or power, (whatever you want to refer to it to) over the relationship. She decided whether it would last or not. If she wasn't accepting of something about you (like you finding out she cheated on you) she knew that the biggest hand to play in a relationship is to end it. And she played that hand. In a relationship, acts such as this are used to control and manipulate the other person. And its usually only the dominant person in the relationship that has the guts to actually go through with these acts of manipulation. The other person, on the other hand, does whatever it takes to try and keep the other person happy so they stay in the relationship.

The thing is, if a woman has the power in the relationship and the man is constantly jumping through hoops in an attempt to keep her happy, this usually has an opposite effect. Why? Because overall, a woman isn't going to be especially attracted to a guy who goes out of his way to please her every whim. What will end up is a relationship where the man is doing whatever he can to make the woman happy, but she finds herself with a man who she no longer is attracted to romantically because he's lowered himself below her socially because he puts her wants and needs before his own. She doesnt place as much value on the relationship, so she can more easily step away from it. She knows that she's in control, that she has the power, and starts using that to use him for whatever. She knows that she can leave the relationship and come back at anytime, and the man will always take her back. At this point, the woman has no romantic feelings or sexual desires toward the guy; he lost that when he started kissing her ass.
For some reason, I feel like this is what happened with the relationship with this girl. I mean, she's out cheating on you. And SHE leaves YOU because of it? Not only did she place so little value on the relationship that she would cheat on you, she didn't have any problem with just up and leaving you like that (finger 'snap!'). She also had the desire to cheat, which tells me, I'm sorry to say, that any lustful desires she had for you at one time have long faded away. If they were still there, she certainly wouldn't want to lose you and sacrifice the relationship, because it would still have value to her.

You stated that you wanted to text her and tell her that you miss her. Don't you see what that would be telling her? Out of the blue, she gets a text from a guy she is no longer seeing, and it says that he misses her. Hmmm. To her, that's just going to tell her one thing: that she still has power over you. She KNOWS that the cheating she did to you was despicable. But by letting her know that your willing to let that go just to still be with her tells her that the relationship will be more of just the same ol' you under her thumb, and that she can walk all over you and you'll take it. No woman is going to be attracted to a man that she can do all that to; they find this type of man boring.
All I can say to you at this point, my friend, is to take this power back from her that you've been giving to her all this time. That's the most you can do for yourself at this point. And from now on, keep that power in any relationship and you will be happier for it, and your woman will be happier because you have a confidence about you, and women love that. If you don't know what I mean about "power" I'll give you an example:

Here's an example of a man with NO power in a relationship:

WOMAN: "I'm leaving you! I just don't want to be in a relationship right now."
MAN: "Please don't leave! I love you so much! I'll do anything! Just don't leave!"

Now here's an example of a man holding onto his power in a relationship:

WOMAN: "I'm leaving you! I just don't want to be in a relationship right now."
MAN: "Go ahead, if that's what you want. I won't chase after you." (turns around and walks out)

Hopefully, you understand a little more now about this "power" thing between a man and woman in a relationship. If you feel like you do, then take another look at what Sassy69 suggested:

"As far as taking the next semester off of school - the one thing I can tell you is DO NOT LET THIS PERSON HAVE SO MUCH POWER OVER YOU THAT IT AFFECTS YOUR PROGRESS IN LIFE & YOUR OWN PURSUITS."

See? Women just naturally know about this "power" stuff. Sassy69 actually used the word "power", and she used all caps to indicate the importance of keeping it.

Now, this post may not remedy your heartache any. But hopefully it will give you better insight as to what might have gone wrong in the relationship to begin with. The relationship may be over, but all isn't lost if you can come away from it with a little more wisdom.

 

[dullboy]

OMG man. This woman dumped you AFTER you FOUND HER CHEATING twice!? If anything whenever you think of this woman you should be getting really really angry.

It's bordering on pathetic that you would even think about this woman in any way other than pure hatred. Next time you feel like texting her think about her answering that text with some other guy's cock in her mouth laughing at you. Then stand up, get some self-respect and realize that you are not defined by some woman on your arm or in your life.

Eventually you're going to look back and realize what an idiot you were but for now, find something to focus on that will make you feel good about yourself, since it seems like you haven't any idea what that is.

dullboy says take it easy on the guy.

amgetr - the feelings that you're experiencing are completely normal. you're exhibiting superego stength.

meaning - that you're basically blaming yourself for ending of your relationship as means of keeping control. it's one way the brain deals with loss.

the irony is that it's more than likey that once you heal and begin to explore new relationships from a position of id strength, your ex will feel a loss of control and make some effort to reconcile.


happens more often than not.

 

[markshark]

I am taking 1 semester off, not because I want the easy way out, but rather because the last semester was horrible because of my mind always on her. I don't want to fuck up my GPA.

My businesses are doing great, and my portfolio is 400% stronger than last years, so I am on track with my pursuits and goals.

She's dating a bum. A guy that has no goals, no life, and no direction. He is my age, lives at home with his parents, drives a pos car, didn't graduate highschool, and is literally brain dead from all the drugs he does. A mutual friend I quote as saying, "[name] is so stupid that he couldn't even spell his name if it was written right in front of him".

i dont know how many times ive said that these are the kinds of guys females want and i keep on getting ripped apart. i wish people could admit that girls would rather be with a guy that makes them feel crazy, scared and fucked with all the time because they want a roller coaster ride. finally its here in the flesh.

 

[Sassy69]

I would quote every response on this whole page (but I'm too lazy & my mouse just died) -- all spot on.

First -
AMGETR - Congrats on your pursuits - I do hope taking that semester off doesn't set you back timewise (don't know if you have any time constraints on your school progress..) and if you do choose to take it off, use the time to focus on yourself and the good woman for you will just happen as its supposed to.

Wulfgar - I'm still waiting on nudes hun.

Megamania500 - it seems for women its a power thing - but it can be for guys as well. Why it is like that I don't know, but maybe because society sticks women in the "support" role instead of the "star" role they rely on not standing out but rather getting in & manipulating on the backside. I personally suck at doing this which may explain why I'm single & seem to expect more from the guys I meet but don't get.

dullboy - smart analysis - it often seems like its such a major drama & tragedy unique to oneself, when its really very common - you can't control other people but you also can't lose yourself to someone else's control. That's the test that I use to determine just how much I'm going to compromise for another person. I'd like to think that we all want the best for each other, but really we are selfish and we look out for ourselves. Some just less than others. Learn from it and become a better person for it. Also the important thing is that you are a very rich person in seeing the good in people, so you will always come out ahead because you can afford to be giving like that - but at the same time you need to learn the difference between giving and being taken for granted. She, on the other hand, will continue to try to manipulate people to make her way in life and one day it will catch up w/ her and she will have to either learn how to rely on herself or just be miserable.

markshark - I think its an accurate assessment of most women, as retarded as it seems. I don't know why its that way, but its something to keep in mind.

From my standpoint I asked a male friend last week why is it that you hear about guys w/ their manic depressive & otherwise very mood-swingy SOs and why they put up w/ it. He said its the sex or maybe they feel like they can "fix" it or "protect" her. If someone can explain that to me I'd be eternally grateful, but I guess I have to agree from an observational standpoint.

 

[Wulfgar]

The sheer enourmity of these posts have cracked the earths mantle

 

[Ilk]

I am taking 1 semester off, not because I want the easy way out, but rather because the last semester was horrible because of my mind always on her. I don't want to fuck up my GPA.

My businesses are doing great, and my portfolio is 400% stronger than last years, so I am on track with my pursuits and goals.

She's dating a bum. A guy that has no goals, no life, and no direction. He is my age, lives at home with his parents, drives a pos car, didn't graduate highschool, and is literally brain dead from all the drugs he does. A mutual friend I quote as saying, "[name] is so stupid that he couldn't even spell his name if it was written right in front of him".

Right AMGETR! When a deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.. There's a reason this happened, yes it's sad.. BUT you can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.. You deserve better.

Take time to focus on more important things.. your work seems to be going great and focus more on your training.. Sometimes in life you will go on a journey, it will be the longest journey you will have ever taken, it is the journey to find yourself and just remember when you think all is lost, the future remains... You'll be fine! AMGETR she CHEATED on you! everyone has been through it, someone better for you out there!

 

[markshark]

i think having the gym and training in your pocket really helps though, and there's nothing wrong with taking a break from school. shit i took a semester off when i was all fucked from sleep meds. i have a friend whos girl dumped him about 2 years ago and was seeing someone else. they were together for 5 years. ive tried telling him to get a hobby like working out, running, whatever. instead he resorted to alcohol and is getting out of control with it.

 

[AMGETR]

I don't touch drugs, and I drink maybe once every 2 weeks at most. (Drugs meaning anything OTHER than Steroids )

I love my gear, and the gym. So I've put on a lot of size for this summer. I'm getting 20x more interest from girls now every where I go, but I can't seem to talk to them. I hold myself back and just continue on with my friends. I'm scared to be hurt. I take risks every day in business, and the greatest feeling is knowing I could fail and lose it all. But for some reason, risking a broke heart again just scares me too much.