No sex....some advice please

[uniden44]

I've been dating this girl for almost three years now and we just moved in together about 5 months ago. I really care about her and are relationship is good but are sex life has been almost no existant for a several months.

We usually have a hot sex life, but lately she doesn't want anything to do with it. She acts the same in every other way but nothing sexual. This did happen once before when I moved away followed by use taking a break for a few months.

I've brought it up to her but she says shes not in the mood and this happens to girls sometimes. Were in are mid 20s so I'm assuming her sex drive should be ok.

Any suggestions or reasons? I love this girl but sex is part of a relationship. I know shes not cheating on me but its really starting to get to me. What should I do.

 

[lavarat]

hmmm...

This happened to me too a few times but it would only last about a week max. The thing I found is that I try not to bring it up (unless I think it's serious). Go on as though everything is normal and NEVER make her feel bad or guilty about it otherwise it'll just keep going on and on. If it goes on a long time then you better get talking because there might be something wrong physically or emotionally.

Good luck man

 

[Sassy69]

There are a couple other threads about this on this board - you might check those. None of them really arrive at any answers except that it is a common experience, sort of like a "phase", regardless of age really. Its just a thought, but for women, "sex drive" has so much to do w/ the emotional side of things as well as the physical and sometimes all of that just combines and maybe it just gets turned down for a while.

The things that I've found suggested for it are:

1) first review if there are any valid medical reasons, e.g. low thyroid or something. This could probably be answered w/ just a general physical and a general screen of all levels, etc.

2) can you both communicate easily -are there any parts of your relationship that she isn't comfortable talking about or she often sidesteps? It can even be somethign subtle that maybe she can't quite identify as an "issue" and you aren't even aware of as an issue.

3) Then they suggest a counselor -- I guess if you do identify somethign that can't be easily talked about to draw it out & discuss it.

But this all comes at the point where she thinks there's a problem & is concerned. Otherwise, like above - dont' make it an issue, continue to treat her like she's gold and make every other part of the relationship as important as the sex part.

 

[BigRupe]

There are a couple other threads about this on this board - you might check those. None of them really arrive at any answers except that it is a common experience, sort of like a "phase", regardless of age really. Its just a thought, but for women, "sex drive" has so much to do w/ the emotional side of things as well as the physical and sometimes all of that just combines and maybe it just gets turned down for a while.

The things that I've found suggested for it are:

1) first review if there are any valid medical reasons, e.g. low thyroid or something. This could probably be answered w/ just a general physical and a general screen of all levels, etc.

2) can you both communicate easily -are there any parts of your relationship that she isn't comfortable talking about or she often sidesteps? It can even be somethign subtle that maybe she can't quite identify as an "issue" and you aren't even aware of as an issue.

3) Then they suggest a counselor -- I guess if you do identify somethign that can't be easily talked about to draw it out & discuss it.

But this all comes at the point where she thinks there's a problem & is concerned. Otherwise, like above - dont' make it an issue, continue to treat her like she's gold and make every other part of the relationship as important as the sex part.

Gee Sassy is this stuff contagious? LOL if so it's worse than avian flu.

I think there has to be something wrong in all of these cases as I don't believe the comments that women often just lose interest in sex for months at a time and that it's natural.

The only thing is I would do differently from what you suggest is I would make it an issue but do it with love because it "is" an issue so don't pretend it isn't.

 

[Wulfgar]

Girls gotta get dick from somewhere man
I ignored that same phenomena with girls in the past. 100% of the time they were fucking some other guy.
be wary and watch your ass so you dont get burned

 

[KillahBee]

Girls gotta get dick from somewhere man
I ignored that same phenomena with girls in the past. 100% of the time they were fucking some other guy.
be wary and watch your ass so you dont get burned

Dead on balls accurate. I have NEVER seen a woman just "lose" interest in sexual interaction or go thru a "phase". 9 times out of 10 this is a major sign that she has lost some form of interest in you or the relationship (could be emotional, could be sexual) and/or is involved with someone else or considering it.

Have you spoken to her about it??!! Are you able to see past her words and decipher her actions? Women don't always (i.e. ever) come out and say things direct. They are not wired that way. YOU need to use some thought and insight and figure this out.

 

[Synpax]

Propose. That should fix it.

 

[Colonel Ingus]

I've been dating this girl for almost three years now and we just moved in together about 5 months ago. I really care about her and are relationship is good but are sex life has been almost no existant for a several months.

We usually have a hot sex life, but lately she doesn't want anything to do with it. She acts the same in every other way but nothing sexual. This did happen once before when I moved away followed by use taking a break for a few months.

I've brought it up to her but she says shes not in the mood and this happens to girls sometimes. Were in are mid 20s so I'm assuming her sex drive should be ok.

Any suggestions or reasons? I love this girl but sex is part of a relationship. I know shes not cheating on me but its really starting to get to me. What should I do.

I am about double your age and while that does not mean anything in the big picture, I'll tell you what happened in my life that sort of parallels this. I had a girlfriend that seemed generally interested in sex, but was kind of hung-up on waiting until after marriage. Since I loved her, I bought into that, and we got married. Well, nothing really changed. While there were a precious few times that we did have what I remember as pretty good nights together, the general interest that I had hoped would blossom never really did so. Fast forward almost two decades and you have a lot of animosity and resentment. If I had been a different person, then everything would have worked out fine, but as a younger man I was pretty adventurous sexually, and I do know what I'm missing. Like they say, ignorance is bliss. We are now struggling with what I believe are the death throes of our relationship.

I would advise you to have a very honest discussion with her and tell her what your observations are, and what your concerns are. Tell her what direction you would like to have things take and ask her for her input on all of those things. This may take a few times to be resolved, but by all means, resolve it now. If she is losing her libido now, for whatever reason, you have to decide if that is something you are willing to accept. Look at her parents, do thay have the kind of relationship that you would like to have? How about your own parents? If the example she grew up with differs from what you grew up with, neither of you is going to be happy in the long run. It doesn't make either one of you "wrong", but it won't be what you expected, and unfulfilled expectations lead not to happiness.

Sorry if I got too gloom and doom with this, but it's better you look hard at things now than deal with the consequences later.

 

[Dieselicious]

She has got to say more then she is not in the mood bro. have a sit down with her - on the serious tip - and find out why is not wanting the charles dickens? If it really is that she is just not in the mood, then there are pills for woman too - she should be willing to take them.

 

[Sassy69]

I agree w/ all of the above. I think when you are in a relationship for a long time, there may actually be some sort of aspect to it where the phase of "Don't touch me" comes in - maybe its boredom or lack of excitement or something -- I'm not saying to not discuss it - but I am saying to not frame it like "You're broken" but rather see first if she will acknowledge that she recognizes this thing missing just as you do - that establishes that you are on the same page. Then can you discuss it objectively - not blaming her or anything else - and on one my threads I did draw a parallel to when guys are on PCT and these feelings of whatever that have no particularly tangible source arise --- basically make you ambivalent or just want to cry for no apparent reason -- these do exist and women experience them. But its also a legitimate call to see if there's soemthign else going on - totally legit to wonder she's getting it somewhere else. If you / she can't or won't talk about it - then I see a problem because communication is the basis of a good & healthy relationship.