New Poll: Your Worst Sex Story!!!

[ChefWide]

I'm amazed this thread hasnt already been relocated.


Not my own worse ,but it was the guy's worse I bet. He was hitting it from behind and managed to smack his head on a nail in the wall above my headboard. I heard him scream like a girl all of a sudden and I was like "WTF?? what's your problem?"

On our first date not only did my wife to be vomit all over my bathroom right after she kneed me in the nuts, but whilest giving applogy head the next morning, she almost crushed my left against the mattress with her elbow.

I'll take the nail.

 

[RottenWillow]

On our first date not only did my wife to be vomit all over my bathroom right after she kneed me in the nuts, but whilest giving applogy head the next morning, she almost crushed my left against the mattress with her elbow.

oh honey I've squashed so many nuts I dont even think about that anyone. I remember one dude got up and soaked in a warm bath for about 1/2 hour I got him so bad.

 

[Rex]

True story I swear.

Labor day weekend I went home, but instead of driving I caught a flight out of the local airport. I had a date set up for the weekend and was supposed to catch either one or both of the Phillies games that weekend. Date wound up getting cancelled b/c she had work, and I fell asleep 2 hours before each game and woke up after they ended. Weekend was a bust and I was ready to leave.

After I connect to my 2nd flight I get on and realize I'm in the wrong seat, one row back than I should've been. I jump up to my regular seat and a pretty attractive woman was sitting next me. We shoot the random bullshit, and she mentions shes a flight attendant for the int'l flights. I'm thinking to myself if I have any chance at getting in this woman's pants I have 50 minutes [flight was only that long] to do it. I ask several questions about her work, and then ask "Do they give you cabs to the hotel or do they send drivers?" She tells me she'll wind up taking a cab. <cue easy in> I offer to drive her since my car is at the airport. I drive her to the hotel, help her with her bags and ask the manager [who happened to be a midget] if the bar was open. It is so the flight attendant offers to buy me a beer.

We sit in the bar with her co-workers and drink for about 3-4 hours with her buying all my drinks b/c I was so nice. Turns out one of her co-workers is from Ireland and told me some IRA stories. The bar closes, and we go upstairs to the one person's room to drink some more. We ran out so me and the flight attendant woman offer to go get beer. We go outside to wait for the cab, but start going at it outside, say fuck the beer, and go back to her room and fucked for a good portion of the night. Next day Rex goes his way.


Sorry it didn't meet the criteria for worst sex story.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

On our first date not only did my wife to be vomit all over my bathroom right after she kneed me in the nuts, but whilest giving applogy head the next morning, she almost crushed my left against the mattress with her elbow.

I'll take the nail.

so what youre saying is, you dont believe in signs from above and all that

 

[GoldenDelicious]

.
My sex story from hell... still makes me shudder.
.

that was possibly the most amusing thing i have read on EF

 

[ChefWide]

so what youre saying is, you dont believe in signs from above and all that

Lets just say I am .. STUPID?

Funny thing: while I am frothing at the mouth, eyes rolled back into my scull and rocking back and forth praying to Jehobus to let my Nut decend back out of my chest cavity... her mother calls my appartment.

the HORROR! I anwer the phone grunting and cursing like drunken sailor and it's this girl i just degraded 47 ways to sunday's MOM.

 

[Carmen]

i don't have any stories i'm willing to share, but i do have one from a former friend...

this woman was dating someone and expected to be having anal that evening for the first time with him.
i guess to be on the safe side, she gave herself not one, but TWO enemas, although, nothing came back out so she wasn't sure if she did it right.
fast forward to that evening and they are going at it, when she hears him say OHMYGOD!!!!
She looked back and apparently, all the fluid she had injected herself with was now coming back out... brown, and he was COVERED in it. she said, from his stomach down to his SOCKS (which i guess he still had on).

 

[ChefWide]

i don't have any stories i'm willing to share, but i do have one from a former friend...

this woman was dating someone and expected to be having anal that evening for the first time with him.
i guess to be on the safe side, she gave herself not one, but TWO enemas, although, nothing came back out so she wasn't sure if she did it right.
fast forward to that evening and they are going at it, when she hears him say OHMYGOD!!!!
She looked back and apparently, all the fluid she had injected herself with was now coming back out... brown, and he was COVERED in it. she said, from his stomach down to his SOCKS (which i guess he still had on).

Best diet saving post ever. That bowl of shrimp salad I was about to hammer? No can do, pardner.

 

[alien amp pharm]

I brought a chick back from the club one night when I was fairly young. We stayed at my buddies house, but he had 3 roommates occupying the bedrooms. Drunken people were passed out on the couches and stuff so we had to sleep on the floor. The only place where people weren't around was the carpet at the top of the stairs leading to the basement.

There was no door leading downstairs. Well we start making out and then get into it heavily. It's dark so I can't see shit. Just as I'm about to pull my cock out of her and stand up to shoot it all over her I stepped back.......to the stairs and fall back about 8 feet down towards the basement.

Funny now that I think about it.

 

[Carmen]

Best diet saving post ever. That bowl of shrimp salad I was about to hammer? No can do, pardner.

i'm glad i could help.
i actually have another one from a different friend.

When she was single, she worked at a big company and used to chat with a guy from another office every day. it got heated and they were to be at the same city for some company meeting.
that night they went out to dinner and ended up back in his hotel room, with her giving him head while she was on her knees.
UNBEKNOWNST to him... she decided to insert her finger in his butt.
not expecting it, he bucked forward.
her gag reflex kicking in, she promptly puked on him.