Paths.
Hey TB,
I just got to say that life is about new experiences and things happen for a reason.
As you know I have a strong MA background but because of injuries including premature arthritis of my elbows and hands I can no longer compete in MA.
Still I found a new challenge in my life and took up legal studies and eventually became a lawyer.
I still work out at 4am in the morning and go spar every night after work.
But I have found that I enjoy my new career; dealing with mainly criminal issues, every case I work on is a new book.
The body will fade but the mind will only grow stronger over time; what Bfold stated about losing str/size as we get older is very true.
So in the long run finding some other challenge while at the same time keeping in touch with the past is the way to go.
You seem to enjoy training so why not work as a couch for young fighters.
There is more joy in creating many new fighter than there is to be had from a one off personal win; creation is a work of art.
As for "friends and lovers" who did not stick with you because of your lifestyle, all I got to say is f-u-c-k them, they could not be your real companions in the first place.
I have been through some similar experiences, I dated several different women from my firm who did not "like" the fact that I would have to meet up with the boys for my nightly ring fights.
When it came down to it; I had my real buddies waiting for me at the ring every night.
And it was at the ring that I met my girlfriend who is not only a great piece of arse but a real friend who respects and encourages my lifestyle.
As in the movie Terminator I believe that "you will be back" in one form or the other in MA/gym.