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Thaibox
New member
I’ve always lived my life by pride and honor. I’ve considered myself a warrior and hence followed the path of one. I always took the road of the difficult, challenging, and even the impossible. I always made sure that I held myself to much higher standards than the above average person, and would never quit or even hesitate in the face of difficulty, danger, or adversity. In 1995 I was discharged from the military for two partially herniated discs. I was told I should not fight again, and certainly should not squat or deadlift. I began fighting again and held a nearly perfect record, until I destroyed my right knee. It was unavoidable that I could no longer fight. However, I continued to lift and put every ounce of myself into my new passion as hard and as heavy as I could push my mind, regardless of what my body said. I lived, ate, and slept with the thought of dominating the plates in my head and my heart. I thought of myself as a machine, capable of any physical feat. People kept telling me I "can’t" do that or I should "ease up." Ironically, these were the exact words that simply drove me harder. Injuries would simply piss me off and push me with more fire. I would wrap or brace up my knee, elbow, or just tighten my belt more and drench myself in analgesics. I knew there were tougher dudes out there working harder under worse conditions. I lost girlfriends that couldn’t stand that I dedicated myself so much to the gym. I lost friends that were tired of me going home at 10:00 because I had to lift the next day, or they were tired of me not drinking or partying. I was hauling ass down the road I chose, and not anyone nor anything would stand in my fucking way including my own body.
This is where I made my mistake. I have been forced to listen to reality and it has finally been concluded that the damage I have done is permanent and significant. The 2 discs that were previously damaged now make it almost impossible for me to walk without a cane. I have also done considerable damage to several others, including compression in all 12 of the lower discs. My back is also very abnormal naturally, which no one deemed to tell me before. I also get to have knee and shoulder surgery after my back. Tomorrow I talk to the surgeon about my first surgery. After the first surgery, due to the state that my back is now in, heavy deadlifts would do damage that would render me pretty much useless forever.
Last week I got fed-up, focused myself, took some painkillers, rubbed on strong analgesics, stretched out, tightened my belt and started deadlifting. I pulled my warm-up weight of 135 and dropped it hard. The pain was so bad I could hardly see let alone stand. After all these years, I had been beaten.
Before I quit, my mediocre personal records are as follows…..
Bench: 405 (I can no longer flat bench do to a rotator injury. But I hope that may change someday)
Deadlift: 585 (I almost got 600 needsize
)
Squat: 405 atf (as high as I could go with my knee)
Military: 295
Heaviest Bodyweight: 265 lbs
I haven’t been doing OL’s for very long, so the numbers weren’t very impressive.
I will never stop lifting what I can, but its clear that any "lifting" I do will be from relatively light machines or simple isolation things. I'll be losing weight pretty regularly for a while and strength with it. I’m sorry for whining like this, but I’ve come to know many of you and appreciate your "virtual" friendship as well as the knowledge that has been given to me by so many inspirational souls. I felt that it was appropriate to share this with you, as much as it would be for a newbie to share his beginning.
I haven’t actually cried in many years(the discipline thing I instill upon myself) until tonight. I keep thinking of 600 lbs loaded on the bar waiting for me to deadlift it, and I never will. It will just sit there now. My dream has evaded me and my pride is fading. I have accepted defeat as a reality. I feel so empty I can’t describe it. Sounds pretty strange how much a bunch of metal has affected me. I suppose I must find something to do with myself now. I don’t plan on leaving the boards, but I don’t think I deserve to be handing out any advice.
Please be careful with yourselves my friends. There are many big hearts in here that are on their way to great things. Don’t be too impatient to get there, and listen to your bodies. You only get one.
"Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality. To me, defeat in anything is merely temporary, and its punishment is but an urge for me to greater effort to achieve my goal. Defeat simply tells me that something is wrong in my doing; it is a path leading to success and truth." — Bruce Lee
Sorry for sounding like such a whiner
This is where I made my mistake. I have been forced to listen to reality and it has finally been concluded that the damage I have done is permanent and significant. The 2 discs that were previously damaged now make it almost impossible for me to walk without a cane. I have also done considerable damage to several others, including compression in all 12 of the lower discs. My back is also very abnormal naturally, which no one deemed to tell me before. I also get to have knee and shoulder surgery after my back. Tomorrow I talk to the surgeon about my first surgery. After the first surgery, due to the state that my back is now in, heavy deadlifts would do damage that would render me pretty much useless forever.
Last week I got fed-up, focused myself, took some painkillers, rubbed on strong analgesics, stretched out, tightened my belt and started deadlifting. I pulled my warm-up weight of 135 and dropped it hard. The pain was so bad I could hardly see let alone stand. After all these years, I had been beaten.
Before I quit, my mediocre personal records are as follows…..
Bench: 405 (I can no longer flat bench do to a rotator injury. But I hope that may change someday)
Deadlift: 585 (I almost got 600 needsize
)Squat: 405 atf (as high as I could go with my knee)
Military: 295
Heaviest Bodyweight: 265 lbs
I haven’t been doing OL’s for very long, so the numbers weren’t very impressive.
I will never stop lifting what I can, but its clear that any "lifting" I do will be from relatively light machines or simple isolation things. I'll be losing weight pretty regularly for a while and strength with it. I’m sorry for whining like this, but I’ve come to know many of you and appreciate your "virtual" friendship as well as the knowledge that has been given to me by so many inspirational souls. I felt that it was appropriate to share this with you, as much as it would be for a newbie to share his beginning.
I haven’t actually cried in many years(the discipline thing I instill upon myself) until tonight. I keep thinking of 600 lbs loaded on the bar waiting for me to deadlift it, and I never will. It will just sit there now. My dream has evaded me and my pride is fading. I have accepted defeat as a reality. I feel so empty I can’t describe it. Sounds pretty strange how much a bunch of metal has affected me. I suppose I must find something to do with myself now. I don’t plan on leaving the boards, but I don’t think I deserve to be handing out any advice.
Please be careful with yourselves my friends. There are many big hearts in here that are on their way to great things. Don’t be too impatient to get there, and listen to your bodies. You only get one.
"Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality. To me, defeat in anything is merely temporary, and its punishment is but an urge for me to greater effort to achieve my goal. Defeat simply tells me that something is wrong in my doing; it is a path leading to success and truth." — Bruce Lee
Sorry for sounding like such a whiner
