How many of you are really in love with your spouse?

[EnderJE]

I disagree w/the perspective and context part of your post.

While my wife can piss me of from time to time....I never stop loving her becuase of my perspective or whatever the context at the time is.

Nothing that happens throughout my day, whether she causes it or not, can change the way I feel about her.

My belief is that perspective and context can change anyone's opinion of anyone. That's the rationale for my statement. At the core, I believe that if I can change your references of your experiences with your wife or SO or whatever, I can change how you feel on the topic.

If you disagree, that's fine. Normally, to prove my point, I'd need to know more about your background and to discuss this in person. Seeing how we're both chat bots or virgins hiding in our mother's basement, I don't see this happening.




So we can agree to disagree.

 

[sshadoww]

Please explain crossed the line?

Well...I guess- in my case- it's when you realize your significant other begins to draw a line in the sand whenever you have a disagreement and, instead of two people having a discussion and trying to understand the other person's viewpoint in a positive way, the mood becomes defensive and negative- a game of he said, she said. Each hurtful remark takes a little piece of the relationship away. No longer do you see the other person in the way you originally did, and you become bitter- not so much at the way you are being treated, but more so at yourself because you are vulnerable and the vision of how you thought that special person viewed you has been tainted. After awhile you realize you are not true to yourself if you stay as you know the relationship is amiss, but you also want to be loyal and feel that maybe there's something more you could be doing to make it work...you self analyze to the point it drives you mad...and then one day someone else comes along and you feel the burning in your chest again whenever you see them- that special feeling when they break into a smile...and then you realize if you have these feelings you should be moving on from your current relationship...only guilt stands in your way.

 

[bottleneckblooz]

I am in my 30's and I have never been in love with a woman... I mean true love.. how many others share this? discuss

I'm in my mid 30's, and up until a year ago, I had never felt true passionate for a woman. I started to think something was wrong with me and that I wasn't able to feel this. After meeting my girlfriend though, this changed. I now know what everyone is talking about when they say "true love".

 

[KD1]

Im in love with my wife. She is my best friend and the best lover Ive ever had.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I married for love...


Now I didn't start dating her because I loved her...but as I got to know her I began to love her, and after awhile my love kept growing and growing. So we got married...had children..blah blah blah.

I agree Love happens along the way though...While I think one should have it prior to marriage...like anything else..as time goes on you either "grow" together...or grow apart.

W/o constant work on your relationship...prepare for the latter.

I agree with a lot of what you said in the end of your post but please clarify something for me, if you don't mind.

There are three types of love: eros, philos and agape. Which love did you feel for your wife when you married her?

IMHO Love has NOTHING to do with why a couple should marry.

They should marry for:

LIKE
RESPECT
COMMON LIFE GOALS

Love will either happen along the way, or it won't. When they are still kind to one another as they reach for the other's care-worn hands then I would think they could school us on what love is. Till then it is far less complicated than that.

 

[miplank]

I agree with a lot of what you said in the end of your post but please clarify something for me, if you don't mind.

There are three types of love: eros, philos and agape. Which love did you feel for your wife when you married her?

IMHO Love has NOTHING to do with why a couple should marry.

They should marry for:

LIKE
RESPECT
COMMON LIFE GOALS

Love will either happen along the way, or it won't. When they are still kind to one another as they reach for the other's care-worn hands then I would think they could school us on what love is. Till then it is far less complicated than that.

I can't say that i'm familiar with the definitions of the 3 types you listed.

However, I do believe that Love is not only an emotion, but it's an action, as well as a choice.

I'm happy that your marriage turned into such a strong love for each other, but i'm still going to say that getting married and hoping that love will eventually come is somewhat foolish, but on the other hand the 3 contributing factors are an excellent jump off point. Although you could probably figure all that out and develop love prior to marriage.

Getting married just because you may think your in love is foolish as well. If you don't have the 3 things you listed its most likely never going to work either.

So at some point (prior to marriage) your going to have to know if you.

a.) Love this person
b.) Respect this person
c.) Trust this person
d.) Be willing to work on your relationship every single day for the rest of your life.

If you can't do all of that...don't bother.

Just sayin'

 

[Bikini Mod]

I can't say that i'm familiar with the definitions of the 3 types you listed.

However, I do believe that Love is not only an emotion, but it's an action, as well as a choice.

I'm happy that your marriage turned into such a strong love for each other, but i'm still going to say that getting married and hoping that love will eventually come is somewhat foolish, but on the other hand the 3 contributing factors are an excellent jump off point. Although you could probably figure all that out and develop love prior to marriage.

Getting married just because you may think your in love is foolish as well. If you don't have the 3 things you listed its most likely never going to work either.

So at some point (prior to marriage) your going to have to know if you.

a.) Love this person
b.) Respect this person
c.) Trust this person
d.) Be willing to work on your relationship every single day for the rest of your life.

If you can't do all of that...don't bother.

Just sayin'

Look up the three recognized definitions of love:

1. eros - sexual love between adults - nothing more than our biological need to reproduce.

2. philos - non-sexual love like that between parent/child, siblings, friends.

3. agape - (the highest form of love) is the love of all mankind.

I didn't marry my husband *hoping* to fall in love. I'd been madly in love and made very poor choices previously based on that "feeling." I married him because I truly enjoyed his company ie - he stimulated ALL of my senses, not just those that stirred between the sheets. LIKE is waaaaaaaaaay more important than hormones (which = the notion of love). I respected him and we had common life goals. He also reciprocated those feelings (important to add LOL).

I do agree with the foundation of what you are saying 100% but this notion of love (before a couple has been through all of life's ups and downs) is not much more than hormones and should NOT be the basis for choosing a life partner.

... just my .02 and my opinion is just like everybody else's asshole.

 

[miplank]

Look up the three recognized definitions of love:

1. eros - sexual love between adults - nothing more than our biological need to reproduce.

2. philos - non-sexual love like that between parent/child, siblings, friends.

3. agape - (the highest form of love) is the love of all mankind.

I didn't marry my husband *hoping* to fall in love. I'd been madly in love and made very poor choices previously based on that "feeling." I married him because I truly enjoyed his company ie - he stimulated ALL of my senses, not just those that stirred between the sheets. LIKE is waaaaaaaaaay more important than hormones (which = the notion of love). I respected him and we had common life goals. He also reciprocated those feelings (important to add LOL).

I do agree with the foundation of what you are saying 100% but this notion of love (before a couple has been through all of life's ups and downs) is not much more than hormones and should NOT be the basis for choosing a life partner.

... just my .02 and my opinion is just like everybody else's asshole.

maybe you misunderstood me...or i wasn't clear enough in my previous post, but i was actually agreeing with you.

I don't think getting married just because your in "love" then should be the only basis for determining if your ready to tie the knot.

I think that if you have everything you mentioned (goals, respect, etc) you probably already have love for your SO...from there its just the willingness to work at it everyday

 

[Rebecca D]

I've been married 15 years and I love my husband more than anything. We are best friends. Being in love means you work at it every day. It is not easy but it is very rewarding. Love doesn't just happen, it develops and grows over time. If one or both of us didn't work at it then it would die.

Does this mean we never argue....of course not. We have plenty of disagreements. Does this mean we have a perfect sex life....of course no...well maybe for him. (I might "take care of matters" on my own every now and then).

Success only comes when you work hard at something. Marriage/love is no exception.

Rebecca D

 

[Bikini Mod]

Marriage is like a garden and must be attended to on a daily basis by both parties so that both might continue to enjoy the fruits of their labors.