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How many of you are really in love with your spouse?
- Thread starter Arabian
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captainahole
New member
20th anniversary with my second wife and couldn't see spending the rest of my life with anyone else.
titeNtonedN08
New member
wow..i'm impressed! Maybe only the in-love spouses are answering?
I've been married 4 years, together for 6.. great guy in so many ways.. but he doesn't get me.. i'm not "in love" with him although i care about him alot. He was never one to make my heart flutter..
The guys who are in love- what are the qualities that your spouses possess that make you feel so strongly about them?
I've been married 4 years, together for 6.. great guy in so many ways.. but he doesn't get me.. i'm not "in love" with him although i care about him alot. He was never one to make my heart flutter..
The guys who are in love- what are the qualities that your spouses possess that make you feel so strongly about them?
heavy_duty
New member
titeNtonedN08 said:
K4U
titeNtonedN08 said:
Ahhh...I feel the same way with my current lady. Just when I think everything is in sync, something happens that makes me realize she just doesn't get me...not fully. She too has many great qualities- but I've realized that we don't connect on the deepest of levels.
As for qualities- I love her individuality and genuiness...but she also gets into jealous tirades that makes life impossible at times.
titeNtonedN08 said:
Originally...It was her face/body...She's absolutely gorgeous. I was so intimidated by her I never talked to her thinking she'd never go for a guy like me. Come too find out, through mutual friends, she had a "thing" for me too.
Then I got to know her and she has one of the best personalities i've ever seen.
So...why am I so in love with her.
She's kind hearted, loves me unconditionally, takes care of me, I can have a conversation with her for hours, she's funny, etc....
oh, and she's drop dead gorgeous!!!
Tatyana
Elite Mentor
I have been truly, madly, deeply in love and I have been very, very heartbroken.
I plan on being in love again, just once more.
Being in love has nothing to do with anyone else but yourself.
You either love or you don't.
You don't love with the expectation of getting love back, that is not love.
I plan on being in love again, just once more.
Being in love has nothing to do with anyone else but yourself.
You either love or you don't.
You don't love with the expectation of getting love back, that is not love.
captainahole
New member
titeNtonedN08 said:
A few things.
Respect for each other. good or bad decisions she doesn't jam mistakes in my face if I made one and likewise.
She still makes me laugh. I enjoy talking to her and look forward to seeing her at the end of my day.
I think the biggest though is her Trust in me. I am aware with my past history that this could be an issue but she tries to always have trust in me and I have given her good reason not to in the past.
And it feels so warm when she's in my arms.
needtogetaas
New member
ya wtf ever. I love my wife. Am I deeply "in love" with her. No prob not any more. She and I do not mix she thinks she is better then me even though I got her where she is now. Though like a women she will never admit that.
Fuck everything I got me and me only.
Fuck everything I got me and me only.
Please explain crossed the line?sshadoww said:I've been in love 5 times. Ironically, the two I was most in love with I never ended up having an intimate relationship with. As for the one I'm with now...well, there's a fine line between love and hate, and she's crossed the line a few too many times
Arabian said:
i'm on my 2nd marriage.. before i got married to this woman, i asked myself one very important question..
"If tomorrow i won the lottery, would i wish i was single?? or would i want to spend all that money, and experience life with this woman?? "
the answer was yes, so i married her..
been together 15 yrs now..
Bikini Mod
New member
Well, I was madly in love with my ex-husband... what A FUKKIN disaster that was. My last husband I did NOT marry for love. He knows it... I didn't fall madly in love with him until many MANY months thereaffter. Now, if something happened to him, I don't know if I could draw breath...
One does not marry for love.
LOVE is what happens along the way.
One does not marry for love.
LOVE is what happens along the way.
BNG
Well-known member
Deep question when you get into it.
We've been married for 15 years and we've definitely had our moments of question. I love my wife and would feel lost without her. I trust her completely. She tells me she loves me & trusts me and most of the time there isn't any reason to think otherwise. There are times we don't even like each other. She has asked if I wanted a divorce more than once.
We've been married for 15 years and we've definitely had our moments of question. I love my wife and would feel lost without her. I trust her completely. She tells me she loves me & trusts me and most of the time there isn't any reason to think otherwise. There are times we don't even like each other. She has asked if I wanted a divorce more than once.
I disagree w/the perspective and context part of your post.
While my wife can piss me of from time to time....I never stop loving her becuase of my perspective or whatever the context at the time is.
Nothing that happens throughout my day, whether she causes it or not, can change the way I feel about her.
I married for love...
Now I didn't start dating her because I loved her...but as I got to know her I began to love her, and after awhile my love kept growing and growing. So we got married...had children..blah blah blah.
I agree Love happens along the way though...While I think one should have it prior to marriage...like anything else..as time goes on you either "grow" together...or grow apart.
W/o constant work on your relationship...prepare for the latter.
My belief is that perspective and context can change anyone's opinion of anyone. That's the rationale for my statement. At the core, I believe that if I can change your references of your experiences with your wife or SO or whatever, I can change how you feel on the topic.
If you disagree, that's fine. Normally, to prove my point, I'd need to know more about your background and to discuss this in person. Seeing how we're both chat bots or virgins hiding in our mother's basement, I don't see this happening.
So we can agree to disagree.
Well...I guess- in my case- it's when you realize your significant other begins to draw a line in the sand whenever you have a disagreement and, instead of two people having a discussion and trying to understand the other person's viewpoint in a positive way, the mood becomes defensive and negative- a game of he said, she said. Each hurtful remark takes a little piece of the relationship away. No longer do you see the other person in the way you originally did, and you become bitter- not so much at the way you are being treated, but more so at yourself because you are vulnerable and the vision of how you thought that special person viewed you has been tainted. After awhile you realize you are not true to yourself if you stay as you know the relationship is amiss, but you also want to be loyal and feel that maybe there's something more you could be doing to make it work...you self analyze to the point it drives you mad...and then one day someone else comes along and you feel the burning in your chest again whenever you see them- that special feeling when they break into a smile...and then you realize if you have these feelings you should be moving on from your current relationship...only guilt stands in your way.
B
bottleneckblooz
Guest
I'm in my mid 30's, and up until a year ago, I had never felt true passionate for a woman. I started to think something was wrong with me and that I wasn't able to feel this. After meeting my girlfriend though, this changed. I now know what everyone is talking about when they say "true love".
Bikini Mod
New member
I agree with a lot of what you said in the end of your post but please clarify something for me, if you don't mind.
There are three types of love: eros, philos and agape. Which love did you feel for your wife when you married her?
IMHO Love has NOTHING to do with why a couple should marry.
They should marry for:
LIKE
RESPECT
COMMON LIFE GOALS
Love will either happen along the way, or it won't. When they are still kind to one another as they reach for the other's care-worn hands then I would think they could school us on what love is. Till then it is far less complicated than that.
I agree with a lot of what you said in the end of your post but please clarify something for me, if you don't mind.
There are three types of love: eros, philos and agape. Which love did you feel for your wife when you married her?
IMHO Love has NOTHING to do with why a couple should marry.
They should marry for:
LIKE
RESPECT
COMMON LIFE GOALS
Love will either happen along the way, or it won't. When they are still kind to one another as they reach for the other's care-worn hands then I would think they could school us on what love is. Till then it is far less complicated than that.
I can't say that i'm familiar with the definitions of the 3 types you listed.
However, I do believe that Love is not only an emotion, but it's an action, as well as a choice.
I'm happy that your marriage turned into such a strong love for each other, but i'm still going to say that getting married and hoping that love will eventually come is somewhat foolish, but on the other hand the 3 contributing factors are an excellent jump off point. Although you could probably figure all that out and develop love prior to marriage.
Getting married just because you may think your in love is foolish as well. If you don't have the 3 things you listed its most likely never going to work either.
So at some point (prior to marriage) your going to have to know if you.
a.) Love this person
b.) Respect this person
c.) Trust this person
d.) Be willing to work on your relationship every single day for the rest of your life.
If you can't do all of that...don't bother.
Just sayin'
Bikini Mod
New member
I can't say that i'm familiar with the definitions of the 3 types you listed.
However, I do believe that Love is not only an emotion, but it's an action, as well as a choice.
I'm happy that your marriage turned into such a strong love for each other, but i'm still going to say that getting married and hoping that love will eventually come is somewhat foolish, but on the other hand the 3 contributing factors are an excellent jump off point. Although you could probably figure all that out and develop love prior to marriage.
Getting married just because you may think your in love is foolish as well. If you don't have the 3 things you listed its most likely never going to work either.
So at some point (prior to marriage) your going to have to know if you.
a.) Love this person
b.) Respect this person
c.) Trust this person
d.) Be willing to work on your relationship every single day for the rest of your life.
If you can't do all of that...don't bother.
Just sayin'
Look up the three recognized definitions of love:
1. eros - sexual love between adults - nothing more than our biological need to reproduce.
2. philos - non-sexual love like that between parent/child, siblings, friends.
3. agape - (the highest form of love) is the love of all mankind.
I didn't marry my husband *hoping* to fall in love. I'd been madly in love and made very poor choices previously based on that "feeling." I married him because I truly enjoyed his company ie - he stimulated ALL of my senses, not just those that stirred between the sheets. LIKE is waaaaaaaaaay more important than hormones (which = the notion of love). I respected him and we had common life goals. He also reciprocated those feelings (important to add LOL).
I do agree with the foundation of what you are saying 100% but this notion of love (before a couple has been through all of life's ups and downs) is not much more than hormones and should NOT be the basis for choosing a life partner.
... just my .02 and my opinion is just like everybody else's asshole.
Look up the three recognized definitions of love:
1. eros - sexual love between adults - nothing more than our biological need to reproduce.
2. philos - non-sexual love like that between parent/child, siblings, friends.
3. agape - (the highest form of love) is the love of all mankind.
I didn't marry my husband *hoping* to fall in love. I'd been madly in love and made very poor choices previously based on that "feeling." I married him because I truly enjoyed his company ie - he stimulated ALL of my senses, not just those that stirred between the sheets. LIKE is waaaaaaaaaay more important than hormones (which = the notion of love). I respected him and we had common life goals. He also reciprocated those feelings (important to add LOL).
I do agree with the foundation of what you are saying 100% but this notion of love (before a couple has been through all of life's ups and downs) is not much more than hormones and should NOT be the basis for choosing a life partner.
... just my .02 and my opinion is just like everybody else's asshole.
maybe you misunderstood me...or i wasn't clear enough in my previous post, but i was actually agreeing with you.
I don't think getting married just because your in "love" then should be the only basis for determining if your ready to tie the knot.
I think that if you have everything you mentioned (goals, respect, etc) you probably already have love for your SO...from there its just the willingness to work at it everyday
I've been married 15 years and I love my husband more than anything. We are best friends. Being in love means you work at it every day. It is not easy but it is very rewarding. Love doesn't just happen, it develops and grows over time. If one or both of us didn't work at it then it would die.
Does this mean we never argue....of course not. We have plenty of disagreements. Does this mean we have a perfect sex life....of course no...well maybe for him. (I might "take care of matters" on my own every now and then).
Success only comes when you work hard at something. Marriage/love is no exception.
Rebecca D
Does this mean we never argue....of course not. We have plenty of disagreements. Does this mean we have a perfect sex life....of course no...well maybe for him. (I might "take care of matters" on my own every now and then).
Success only comes when you work hard at something. Marriage/love is no exception.
Rebecca D
Bikini Mod
New member
Marriage is like a garden and must be attended to on a daily basis by both parties so that both might continue to enjoy the fruits of their labors.
Just keep the lines of communication open, and you'll be able to work through any problem you have or will have.
I think the reason a lot of couples don't make it, or are miserable is because they don't communicate enough. If my wife does something that bothers me, or vice versa, I let her know. We talk about it, and eventually come to a place of common ground.
In my case, that's the toughest part, bro- every time I've had it and I'm thinking I'm out she does a complete turn around and it's great again- just like when we first met...it lastsfor awhile- then the cycle starts all over. Frustrating
E
EarthRider
Guest
Look up the three recognized definitions of love:
1. eros - sexual love between adults - nothing more than our biological need to reproduce.
2. philos - non-sexual love like that between parent/child, siblings, friends.
3. agape - (the highest form of love) is the love of all mankind.
I didn't marry my husband *hoping* to fall in love. I'd been madly in love and made very poor choices previously based on that "feeling." I married him because I truly enjoyed his company ie - he stimulated ALL of my senses, not just those that stirred between the sheets. LIKE is waaaaaaaaaay more important than hormones (which = the notion of love). I respected him and we had common life goals. He also reciprocated those feelings (important to add LOL).
I do agree with the foundation of what you are saying 100% but this notion of love (before a couple has been through all of life's ups and downs) is not much more than hormones and should NOT be the basis for choosing a life partner.
... just my .02 and my opinion is just like everybody else's asshole.
I can see where you are coming from. I also think you got burned the last time with love. When we get burned with something the first time, the smart thing is not to go and make the same mistake again. i hope I am making sense (It is in my mind). So I am sure bikinimom that you were not ready to give that part of your heart away. You were guarding yourself. As time went on in your relationship, you began to trust him. You were probably looking for signs along the way to see if something bad was going to happen again. As time went on and the grump showed you he really cared about you. You let him in. I could be totally wrong. In that case pretend I don't exist.
Anyway. I have been married 20 months, and been with her 3 years. I love her more today than ever. She said I make her heart flutter, so I must be doing something right, woohoo. We have a lot in common. I also believe readers are learners, so I work hard at our relationship and read books about how to relate to her. She is so my best friend, and companion. Couldn't imagine life without her.
E
EarthRider
Guest
In my case, that's the toughest part, bro- every time I've had it and I'm thinking I'm out she does a complete turn around and it's great again- just like when we first met...it lastsfor awhile- then the cycle starts all over. Frustrating
Many times when my wife acts up, it means she needs attention from ME. So I will do something with her, hang out with her. She can act up just to see if you still care.
Bikini Mod
New member
You are dead on.
My first husband was a lesson and my last husband is A GIFT.
It took me about six months or so into our marriage before I totally let my guard down after I felt that he demonstrated to me that he was the man that I thought he was in the beginning. In the beginning it is easy for us to put on our best faces and hide our flaws. Me, I let IT ALL hang out and never tried to hide anything negative as I wanted him to know EXACTLY what he was getting into. But I did that before and men pursued me to the nth degree, that is, until "they had me." Then *magically* "this was more than they bargained for" or some shit. And the thing that TOTALLY blew my mind was that I never expected such behavior as I only dated much older men that were experienced in many aspects of life.
My husband never waivered and still pursues me to this day as we are getting ready to celebrate our 2nd anniversary.
I won't lie, the last two years have been difficulty at many points: some of it was getting comfortable with one another, some of it was severe financial hardship, some of it was crazy ex/custody issues, some of it was health related but yet here we are still.
Even when I am full-on pissed off at him, I still love him. LOLI think that is one of the biggest things you have to be careful of in a marriage. That shit will sneak right up on you, and can do some serious damage if your not careful.
I actually just noticed the other day that my wife and I were starting to get to that point. Everything got put on hold immediatly, including having the grandparents take our son for the day so we could spend an entire day together to "reconnect".
I have been married for 24 years. I know my love for my wife revolves around quality of sex we are having. I have to say that now that our kids are all in college or graduated college our life together is a lot more fun as no kids around. From 7 to 17 years if it wasnt for the 3 kids we would of gone seperate ways long ago.
6FULLMETALTRUCKIE9
New member
guess I'll have to give you guys a real love story here! My wife and I haven't seen each other for almost 6 years and she tells me everyday she glad I'm the man she married she's my best friend and we keep Sprint and Nextel Busy calling everyday 3-6 times a day and it's not just the norm phone chat either it's always mind altering fun and she makes me laugh still after 13 years. She is the only reason I keep kickin ass and lifting to make sure when we get over this last hurtle we're a family again and we can go from there I got lucky too that my Ohma is a Millionaire also LOL She Loves me for me and could have any guy she wants 5'7 DD's and legs that kill and she chose me! How's that for Love!!!!!
blueta2
New member
Why have you not seen her in 6 yrs?
I'm crazy in love, but we fight constantly lol
Fighting is good...to some extent.
blueta2
New member
ahhh, that is SO sweet! I like that
<--- just wanted to try the new icons
Honest to god truth...especially when its really slow at work. I'll just sit here and think about her, which makes it worse.
I could spend every minute of every day with her and never get tired of her.
God I love that girl!!!!!
blueta2
New member
How long have you been married?
blueta2
New member
Keep up the love, it's so nice to see that.
I wish that would happen to me.. Well it actually does several times a day I fall in love with several women however they never actually reciprocate......lol
hahaha!
It's when you aren't looking/trying that it will find you. It's better to wait for the real thing than to settle and have a life of regrets. It'll come bro...just don't force it.
Bikini Mod
New member
My Old Grump was 55 years old when he got hit right between the eyes... and I wasn't even tryin. LOL
I am wife number six. He likes to say that I am his LAST wife. hehehehehee
I say, "Damn straight as I am not one of those hoes that lacked self-esteem from the past, you know, the ones that were satisfied with half. I am a truly selfish woman as I WANT IT ALL!!! I ain't goin NOWHERE!!!"
6FULLMETALTRUCKIE9
New member
it's a long story so to save time I'll just sum it up. we lived here in NY and We lost our house when the market went to shit and we had a hard time finding a new place so she asked if it was ok she move back home with her mom ! Being that home was in Hawaii I knew it was going to be a while because of me being out of work on comp for the last 12 years and money being so tight I wasn't able to fly cause of all the operations I was going through and to fly her alone back and forth or even without our 2 kids in tow that's like 2 grand in air fare alone and we just can't afford it.So that's my story in a nutshell oh and my mother in law wasn't to happy her perfect daughter married a fireman that got hurt on the Job! Fmt
Bikini Mod
New member
You are tellin me! If I had only a fraction of what each one of them cleaned him out of.... LOL It's all good. As I said, I get to keep it ALL and if we continue on our current path, *ALL* will be more than adequate.
I have often said that I would like to send each one of his ex's a Thank You card for training him so well and then for messing it up because now he is ALL MINE!
Neither one of us was ever EVER going to marry again then shortly after we finally met in the flesh he started talking marriage and I was like, "OK." Before that the very notion of it made me hyperventilate. Hell, I didn't even want a boyfriend. Now we are about to celebrate year two as husband and wife.
Bikini Mod
New member
You are young. After "x" amount of time you will both become more secure and calmer about life. It is at this point that there will be so many less arguements. Took my Old Grump and me bout a little over a year to attain this state, also once we became more financially secure, life became far less stressed.
When I was younger though, once I had children I was just too damned tired to fight. Interestingly enough by the time my last child was old enough to where I could sleep and recover from 10 years of haze I began to question our lives together (meaning my ex) and lo and behold, we began fighting again. Everything was AOK with my ex... as long as I did EVERYTHING "his way".
