WOMEN'S ENGLISH 
1. Yes = No 
2. No = Yes 
3. Maybe = No 
4. We need = I want 
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry 
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble 
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not 
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later 
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron! 
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?  
MEN'S ENGLISH 
1. I am hungry = I am hungry 
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy 
3. I am tired = I am tired 
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 
5. I love you = let's have sex now 
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you 
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you 
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you 
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you 
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay  
And finally..... A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a baseball batt shoved up his backside.