Happily married people...

[wootoom]

its Daisy and Is first year anniversary tommorow

 

[velvett]

I strongly disagree. I think Jen's post was misunderstood. As I said in this and other posts, one does not have to be married and have children to understand certain things.

I agree.

I know exactly what Jen is talking about because I saw it with my parent's marriage. My mom would always be on top of my sister and I, but rarely did she ask my Dad "How was your day?". She would always stay late at work but rarely show any affection to my father. She took care of all of the chores and catered to him (my Dad is an OLD-fashioned man) and when she couldn't my sister and I cooked and cleaned. Don't get me wrong, she loved him. But she neglected his emotional and physical needs.

Four of the most important words.

"How was you day?"

Ie: I give shit about how you are doing, how you are feeling and if I can make you feel better tell me how.

 

[-SD-]

We both did fight to make it work, but I guess our fight wasn't good enough. Thing is, you can't just fight the good fight at the end when your bleeding to death. You have to fight the good fight from day one. We waited to late to try to salvage our marriage.

I learned ALOT. relationships are not born they are harvested. If you don't plan the seed and water the fruit then you will end up with a dead tree.

Could you please explain how two people can BOTH fight to stay together.....yet mysteriously cant stay together??? Is there some sort of invisible force field keeping two people apart that want to be together??? Two people either want to be with each other and actually want to do what is necessary to be with each other, or they dont. If the actions arent there to back up the words, the words were bullshit in the first place. Just say that one of you didnt want to make it work instead of "we both fought to make it work" because obviously you didnt.

 

[The Shadow]

Two people either want to be with each other and actually want to do what is necessary to be with each other, or they dont. If the actions arent there to back up the words, the words were bullshit in the first place.

Quote worthy

 

[Evil_Frisky]

Could you please explain how two people can BOTH fight to stay together.....yet mysteriously cant stay together??? Is there some sort of invisible force field keeping two people apart that want to be together??? Two people either want to be with each other and actually want to do what is necessary to be with each other, or they dont. If the actions arent there to back up the words, the words were bullshit in the first place. Just say that one of you didnt want to make it work instead of "we both fought to make it work" because obviously you didnt.

Our fights were at different times... I fought for YEARS to make things work, we talked about our problems, solutions.. etc. It wasn't until my fight was gone and honestly for me it was very close to being to late.. Then he decided he would finally put some fight in. I needed just a little time, not once even mentioned divorce but he completely paniced, went nuts and made a relationship that could have been salvaged completely sour.

I didn't get into detail of 11 years of the trials of marriage, honestly I could be here all day for years talking about it. Yes thru out the span we did fight for it.. was it enough, apparently it wasn't. I have no lame excuse as to 'why' all I know is that we didnt' fight hard enough, or the fight came to late and the marriage was to far gone. If I had all the answers i'd kick Dr. Phil in the nuts and take his job.

I don't, I married young, only second serious relationship. Kids came young, things just didn't fall into the perfect marriage. I won't say I was never happy becuase that would be total bullshit. My reasons for a failed marriage may not be what you would agree with, but they were my reasons.

 

[-SD-]

Our fights were at different times... I fought for YEARS to make things work, we talked about our problems, solutions.. etc. It wasn't until my fight was gone and honestly for me it was very close to being to late.. Then he decided he would finally put some fight in. I needed just a little time, not once even mentioned divorce but he completely paniced, went nuts and made a relationship that could have been salvaged completely sour.

I didn't get into detail of 11 years of the trials of marriage, honestly I could be here all day for years talking about it. Yes thru out the span we did fight for it.. was it enough, apparently it wasn't. I have no lame excuse as to 'why' all I know is that we didnt' fight hard enough, or the fight came to late and the marriage was to far gone. If I had all the answers i'd kick Dr. Phil in the nuts and take his job.

I don't, I married young, only second serious relationship. Kids came young, things just didn't fall into the perfect marriage. I won't say I was never happy becuase that would be total bullshit. My reasons for a failed marriage may not be what you would agree with, but they were my reasons.

Obviously two people have to want the relationship at the same time, duh. Thats like me breaking up with my girlfriend who later decides she wants me back. Sorry but she had her chance and didnt think about that while I was trying to make it work with her. From what you are saying the same thing happened in your marriage except you remained under the same roof.

 

[HumorMe]

Four of the most important words.

"How was you day?"

I bet that is hard to say without looking like an idiot to your spouse.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

Obviously two people have to want the relationship at the same time, duh. Thats like me breaking up with my girlfriend who later decides she wants me back. Sorry but she had her chance and didnt think about that while I was trying to make it work with her. From what you are saying the same thing happened in your marriage except you remained under the same roof.

Its really complex, long and boring, I think I actually got into it once on a thread. LOL

But in a nutshell, yes it amts to being tired of beating a dead horse and deciding things just wern't working and then all of a sudden when it hits the other party decides to try to fix problems.

We were together for 11 years, STRAIGHT. No breakups no spending night at family because of arguments.. etc. I don't believe in the whole 'break up get back, break up.. crap' We settled our differences, we did talk about things just a few that never seemed to change.

I had a very strong opinion on divorce/seperation/breakups.. etc. I said it at the beginning. I would never up and leave because of a dispute. If ever things got so bad that I felt the need to leave, something was really bad and the chances of mending the relationship were not good at all.

 

[nycgirl]

Four of the most important words.

"How was your day?"

Ie: I give shit about how you are doing, how you are feeling and if I can make you feel better tell me how.

I'm surprised at how many people don't get this. I ask this question everyday.

 

[velvett]

I bet that is hard to say without looking like an idiot to your spouse.

Be easy on me - I've just had 4 -16.5 hour days in a row.

 

[HumorMe]

Be easy on me - I've just had 4 -16.5 hour days in a row.

You know I always like to rag on you. Hope you recover fast.

 

[biteme]

Mawwage. Mawwage is what bwings us here today. That bwessed awwangement. That dweam within in a dweam.

 

[jenscats5]

Mawwage. Mawwage is what bwings us here today. That bwessed awwangement. That dweam within in a dweam.

 

[PBR]

I agree with your posts PBR, especially the part about love never expiring. However, love does change, and it is this that causes two people to drift apart.

thanks for your response...you brought up some good points during this thread also...Love changes only as an ability to understand itself and its potential....We as humans evolve at different speeds. Love grows= ie: evolves. So, taking two people who may be occupying the same time space at a particular moment (being in love with one another) is not a guarantee their progression will arrive at the same time.

this to me- is the scariest part of a relationship. Im hoping that being a little older now and perhaps a little wiser, it may be more likely (possible) to find someone who is running closer to my pace....But then again, im no different than anyone else. Maybe just a little more aware.

 

[split endz]

PBR, you have either read ALOT of books on this subject, or you are correct in your assertion that you "could (and should) write a book on this subject". You have said a couple of things that have helped me, and I needed a little help right now. Thanks for the hit; it was far above any other I have received or ever expected.

 

[PBR]

PBR, you have either read ALOT of books on this subject, or you are correct in your assertion that you "could (and should) write a book on this subject". You have said a couple of things that have helped me, and I needed a little help right now. Thanks for the hit; it was far above any other I have received or ever expected.

Bro its my pleasure...i will confess something briefly. I was once married in a fairytale. it was divine in all aspects. it was a place i visited and experienced to depths i cannot explain all at once. it was taken away from me. my quest has been to learn from where it was i came. i research this topic incessantly as human relationships are at the forefront of each and everyone of our lives. So, i just learn and if im lucky, someone may get something out of my experiences... the more i know, the more i dont know. the more i understand, the more i dont understand. to know, that i do not know, is the begining of wisdom.