Happily married people...

[Steve The Bluesman]

8 years plus here...

Communication, similar interests, ability to compromise, and maintaining attractiveness and sensuality. (That means not saying to your wife, "Pull my finger!" in a car with the heat on and the windows up.)

Oh, and never have kids. That was one of the biggest reasons I married my wife. She don't want them, and neither do I.


Bluesman

 

[Y_lifter]

FUCK COMMUNICATION...

That's what gets couples into fights and arguments..
Just go with the flow and do whatever you want.

You'll know if they don't like it or not.
If they don't like it, stop doing it to make them happy.

18 years

 

[Tytan]

I was married for 9 years and I`ve been divorced for 5. Having a life outside of eachother lead to divorce. You have to still be your own person, have your own life. Just make sure you blend those two lives together and compromise w/ eachother...

 

[-SD-]

I was married for 9 years and I`ve been divorced for 5. Having a life outside of eachother lead to divorce. You have to still be your own person, have your own life. Just make sure you blend those two lives together and compromise w/ eachother...

Thats the definition of compatibility i think. Interesting breakdown nonetheless.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

Good post!! And I agree with your last statement wholeheartedly!! You & your partner are FIRST - BEFORE work, BEFORE children, etc.......cuz eventually - the kids will move out, etc & you'll be sitting there looking at this person like Who the heck are they??

I disagree here.. I would never a partner before my kids. EVER

sure sooner or later they are gone but as long as they are with me its my responsibility to care for them, love them, understand them and provide for them.

My partner however is an adult who can for the most part live his life with or without me. I would more than openly accept him to join in on the loving, caring and attending to my kids but never in a million years could I ever imagine putting someone above them.

I brought them into this world. Its my responsibility to give them all that I have in me to ensure safety, and security. If i pass them over for some man then who do they have?

 

[nycgirl]

marraige requires "intimacy"....defined: Intimacy [is] the capacity to commit [oneself] to concrete affiliations and partnerships and to develope the ethical strength to abide by such commitments, even though they may call for significant sacrifices and compromises...(Erick Erickson)
Intimacy- simply put, is to think about your willingness to be known. Intimacy involves recieving as well as giving...think about what you are willing to reveal and what you are willing to accept.
Are you willing to be close enough to tolerate someones elses fears, dependency, character weaknesses. So many of us vastly perfer the sexy, strong, exciting first impressions our lovers make.
Intimacy, which means getting close enough to see the detail, is a mixed blessing. We long for intamcy in theory, but we mourn the loss of our fantasies that closeness brings...
for me, this was the demise of my marraige...my ex could only hold onto Intimacy for a short while...it became too scary for her as we progressed....to me it was freedom- to her it was a boundry with walls that were too high to scale.

I feel the same way, but have trouble putting it into words. Well said.

 

[jenscats5]

I disagree here.. I would never a partner before my kids. EVER

sure sooner or later they are gone but as long as they are with me its my responsibility to care for them, love them, understand them and provide for them.

My partner however is an adult who can for the most part live his life with or without me. I would more than openly accept him to join in on the loving, caring and attending to my kids but never in a million years could I ever imagine putting someone above them.

I brought them into this world. Its my responsibility to give them all that I have in me to ensure safety, and security. If i pass them over for some man then who do they have?

I think you missed my point completely.

I'm referring to the people who completely IGNORE their spouse as it supposedly benefits the kids. It's one thing to care & nurture kids, etc as you said & I'm certainly not suggesting ignoring the kids to the point of abuse/neglect. But there are people (I've seen them) who take NO interest in their spouse and barely even know they EXIST cuz of the attention they feel they have to show their kids......

There needs to be & can be a balance.

 

[-SD-]

Its my responsibility to give them all that I have in me to ensure safety, and security. If i pass them over for some man then who do they have?

If your husband and father of your children acts as simply "some guy", well I guess you would be putting your children first. But if your husband has the same attitude and goals as yourself concerning his children then he will never have to pass them over for "some woman". Moral of the story is pick a spouse who will make a great parent.

 

[wutangnomo]

Bottom line is this.... LUCK!

The whole best friends business, communication, dating and really getting to know someone before you take that big step, etc etc are all fine and dandy answers, but it comes down to luck.

How can I say this? Simple. My parents will be going on 50 years together shortly. They were arranged. Never dated before they got hitched. Weren't best friends, let alone friends, before they got married. Married during their late teenage years, yet are still together. None of those others things you guys are saying. Their marriage bond is greater then anyone else I know. That's luck for ya!

 

[nycgirl]

I think you missed my point completely.

I'm referring to the people who completely IGNORE their spouse as it supposedly benefits the kids. It's one thing to care & nurture kids, etc as you said & I'm certainly not suggesting ignoring the kids to the point of abuse/neglect. But there are people (I've seen them) who take NO interest in their spouse and barely even know they EXIST cuz of the attention they feel they have to show their kids......

There needs to be & can be a balance.

I agree with Jen. My mother did this. She put so much into her career and her daughters that she totally forgot about my father and her marriage. It lead to a very unhappy period in their marriage.