Happily married people...

[superqt4u2nv]

I am sure we have a few on this board. Just wondering what do you think the key to the success of your marriage is? And how long have you been married for?

Alternately divorced people what attributed to the demise of your marriage?

 

[jenscats5]

4 years last month

Compromise, communication, similar goals and compatible personalities - ie my current hubby & I have similar personalities/humor styles, etc while my ex hubby & I didn't & he felt he could mold or change me into what he felt a wife should be.........

 

[HumorMe]

Communication is ranked high. It's not about her or me but us. Being understanding and interested and supporttive of each other.

18 years this past July.

 

[foreigngirl]

almost 7 years here.

Gotta have understanging for someones goals, gotta know how to compromise, gotta learn when its time not to put your own needs first, gotta learn how to put up with someones habbits - good or bad

 

[Delinquent]

well I'm not sure how much my opinion counts seeing as I have only been married for going on 5 months but we have been together for over 6 years.

The problem that I see with a lot of marriages is that they happen way too soon. This whole getting married after being together for a year is ridiculous. Sure, there are some that have done this and have a happy marriage but there are many many more that fail. I don't care how much you think you know a person during that brief time, you never know everything. It's even worse with people who do not live together first. To not live with your partner before marriage is a recipe for disaster.

Some will say: "well my parents or grandparents never lived together before they were married because it was taboo back then". Well back then, divorce was very very uncommon and looked down upon so they would just live with the fact that they don't love one another and it was done for the sake of the kids. They end up sleeping in separate beds, never going out together, and only really being together when it involved the kids.

I say you should live with a person for a minimum of a few years before even thinking about marriage. Why not invest that little extra time to make sure all your ducks are in a row? For some reason, people think they must get married asap. I'm not sure if they are holding onto some childhood dream of getting married and making babies or what. This immature belief is what bites them in the ass later on.

I also think that if you are looking for someone to marry, you're gonna be let down. It's not something that can be hunted down. My wife's friend already has her wedding dress, wedding location, etc picked out and she doesn't even have a boyfriend. This kind of desperate, anatomical ticking clock mentality is what drives most guys and girls away or ends up in marriage only to last a few months and ends even worse than if you wouldn't have met the person in the first place.

To end my rambling, if you can't see you and your partner being friends, don't consider them marriage material. After all, your partner will be your best and closest friend until the day you die

 

[jenscats5]

well I'm not sure how much my opinion counts seeing as I have only been married for going on 5 months but we have been together for over 6 years.

The problem that I see with a lot of marriages is that they happen way too soon. This whole getting married after being together for a year is ridiculous. Sure, there are some that have done this and have a happy marriage but there are many many more that fail. I don't care how much you think you know a person during that brief time, you never know everything. It's even worse with people who do not live together first. To not live with your partner before marriage is a recipe for disaster.

Some will say: "well my parents or grandparents never lived together before they were married because it was taboo back then". Well back then, divorce was very very uncommon and looked down upon so they would just live with the fact that they don't love one another and it was done for the sake of the kids. They end up sleeping in separate beds, never going out together, and only really being together when it involved the kids.

I say you should live with a person for a minimum of a few years before even thinking about marriage. Why not invest that little extra time to make sure all your ducks are in a row? For some reason, people think they must get married asap. I'm not sure if they are holding onto some childhood dream of getting married and making babies or what. This immature belief is what bites them in the ass later on.

I also think that if you are looking for someone to marry, you're gonna be let down. It's not something that can be hunted down. My wife's friend already has her wedding dress, wedding location, etc picked out and she doesn't even have a boyfriend. This kind of desperate, anatomical ticking clock mentality is what drives most guys and girls away or ends up in marriage only to last a few months and ends even worse than if you wouldn't have met the person in the first place.

To end my rambling, if you can't see you and your partner being friends, don't consider them marriage material. After all, your partner will be your best and closest friend until the day you die

Good post!! And I agree with your last statement wholeheartedly!! You & your partner are FIRST - BEFORE work, BEFORE children, etc.......cuz eventually - the kids will move out, etc & you'll be sitting there looking at this person like Who the heck are they??

 

[aandd]

Dating (off and on) since '97, married since '02.

Similar goals and beliefs about what we wanted our 'family' to look like is what solidified us. We got off to a very bad start, and it was a decision to grow up, put aside the games, and re-learn what a successful r'ship was. Our goal was that neither of us were willing for my son to have a 'part-time' dad or step-parent. So we buckled down and learned to work through our issues.

The keys were communication, willingness to compromise, and a determination to see it through till the end - divorce is not an option (barring infidelity). We had the basis of good friendship so if all else failed, we knew we could live together and get along on at least that level until D went to college.

A big part for each of us was getting over ourselves. Putting our petty nature away and doing what served the 'greater good' of the family. Holding grudges had to go.

We are, with one exception, the happiest couple I know.

 

[pitbullstl]

Communication is ranked high. It's not about her or me but us. Being understanding and interested and supporttive of each other.

18 years this past July.

Word....

Plus she is my absolute best friend, she understands me like no other, and I'm quite positive she would say the same about me. In short......she's the shit.

6 years here.

 

[aandd]

One more thing.... learning to respect each other is a big part of making our r'ship successful. Demeaning your spouse does nothing good in the long term.

I am APPALLED when I see some of the couple's on here airing their dirty laundry. No man should have to see his wife cut him down in front of people he 'knows' - even online. And men should have a stronger backbone than to come online looking for validation that his wife is a bitch from people they post with.

My husband only reads here, he doesn't even post - but there is NO WAY I would come on here and bitch about him. It's tacky, and shows a marked level of emotional immaturity.

 

[alien amp pharm]

Props to you married guys and gals.

I just don't feel it's something I can ever do.