fat trouble

[HiDnGoD]

I don't think you mentioned how big. Rosie O'Donnel, Roseanne Barr? Rita MacNeil?
Weight gain can creep up on you. If she's not overtly conscious of it she may not think it matters.

I realize this is gonna make me sound like a dick, but:
For men, sexual desire is a visual process. Love can carry you so far, but what do you do when the weight gets excessive?
Walk carefully bro. You WILL hurt her if you say anything casually. I think what you need to do is tell her how much you love her, but the weight is becoming an issue.
First off there is the health issue. You don't want her to become diabetic. It sucks, really. Then there are the other sides, like heart disease, cancer risk, etc. Even if you splt, she's better off losing the lbs while she's young. The older you get the harder it is.
It's not perfect, but how do you force a woody with someone you're not attracted to? Then your relationship becomes more like brother & sis, & then you get a divorce 'cause there's no intimacy.

 

[SoKlueles]

You know what drives me crazy?? I see these men who are big fat whales and they expect their woman to be skinny......to me if she gets big too...at least when they have sex shes protected from being squooshed
These women have your kids, clean your house and wash your nasty ass underwear....maybe she doesnt have time to go to the gym because shes busy taking care of your kids while you go to the gym

IMO.....a woman that gains weight when shes with someone it isnt because shes got emotional problems or whatever shit
its that she feels comfortable in the relationship and although she is gaining weight she is (apparently) too naive to think that that guy will still love her if she puts on a few lbs
If you ask me, a man that is worried about a womans weight gain is more worried about what other people are thinking instead of worrying about hurting her feelings
and only hs lifter would say "your cholesterol" wen she asks whats up
I spent 13 years being with a man who left me at home with the kids, didnt worry about me or whatever.....while he ran off to Florida for camp with baseball tryouts
while he played softball every weekend, went boating, fishing whatever the hell he wanted to do......
take her feelings into consideration here, dont freakin say shes gaining weight, if ur worried about it, urge her to go work out with you..walk with her.....
Maybe shes taking birth control that makes a woman gain weight.....and why is she taking that birth control???????? because shes having sex with you dang

 

[HiDnGoD]

How can a man force himself to be aroused when he's not? We can't hide it, we can't fake it. I actually think the world, as far as relatinships go, would be a much better place if men could be as accepting as women. I would probably feel worse about the fact that I couldn't perform, than I would about her actual weight gain. I love her dearly, but 100 extra pounds would kill my libido.
My mother in Law is morbidly obese. Wifey & I spoke about it in the early years. She agrees with me. She admitted to me once that my size sometimes bothers her, but she does most of the cooking, & she doesn't try very hard to help me with it.

 

[thelion2005]

is it wrong to not have sex with ur gf cuz shes fat. (or gotten fat)

her body is beginning to be unappealing.

if she was expecting, itd be different

shes just plain lazy.

help peeps

http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/showthread.php?t=411797

You want this size?

 

[SoKlueles]

How can a man force himself to be aroused when he's not? We can't hide it, we can't fake it. I actually think the world, as far as relatinships go, would be a much better place if men could be as accepting as women. I would probably feel worse about the fact that I couldn't perform, than I would about her actual weight gain. I love her dearly, but 100 extra pounds would kill my libido.
My mother in Law is morbidly obese. Wifey & I spoke about it in the early years. She agrees with me. She admitted to me once that my size sometimes bothers her, but she does most of the cooking, & she doesn't try very hard to help me with it.

Why cant they force themselves to be aroused???
Women do it everyday
and you see how bad it makes you feel when she says your size bothers her?
women have a different view of themselves than men do......i know my self esteem sucks...and ya know.....having a man tell me im too big for him to get aroused sucks

 

[Sub-Zero]

You know what drives me crazy?? I see these men who are big fat whales and they expect their woman to be skinny......to me if she gets big too...at least when they have sex shes protected from being squooshed
These women have your kids, clean your house and wash your nasty ass underwear....maybe she doesnt have time to go to the gym because shes busy taking care of your kids while you go to the gym

IMO.....a woman that gains weight when shes with someone it isnt because shes got emotional problems or whatever shit
its that she feels comfortable in the relationship and although she is gaining weight she is (apparently) too naive to think that that guy will still love her if she puts on a few lbs
If you ask me, a man that is worried about a womans weight gain is more worried about what other people are thinking instead of worrying about hurting her feelings
and only hs lifter would say "your cholesterol" wen she asks whats up
I spent 13 years being with a man who left me at home with the kids, didnt worry about me or whatever.....while he ran off to Florida for camp with baseball tryouts
while he played softball every weekend, went boating, fishing whatever the hell he wanted to do......
take her feelings into consideration here, dont freakin say shes gaining weight, if ur worried about it, urge her to go work out with you..walk with her.....
Maybe shes taking birth control that makes a woman gain weight.....and why is she taking that birth control???????? because shes having sex with you dang

just cause yours or any other relationship has its issues doesnt mean being a fat ugly slob is justififed.

its like a slap in joe's face, i mean fuck, look at that guys back, he works his ass off and is a house...the least she can do is put some effort into HER appearance.

i say, if u love her, that u wanna take her to the gym with u...tell her that she needs to lose some weight, bcause youtake health and fitness to seriously to stand by someone who doesnt care about their own health, and it hurts YOU to see her unhealthy.

its not about her being a fat ugly pig (it is, but thats not what ur gunna tell her) its about her health, and you having someone to take care of you when ur old, not other way around

 

[aandd]

Man, I am really struggling with this response. I've actually typed it out twice now and ended up closing the window before replying. For what it's worth, here is how I feel. (damn this got long... sorry)

If you have kids and it is important for you to be involved in your kids life on a daily basis... then you really have no choice but to suck it up and deal with the situation. I know my husband wouldn't leave me if I gained a lot of weight - but he wouldn't be attracted to me and we would essentially be living seperate lives until I decided to take care of my health.

If she is JUST a girlfriend, no kids, etc.... Then my answer is completely different. If she has gained this much weight NOW and is not willing to do anything about it.. it may not get better as your r'ship goes on and she feels comfortable and accepted by you at her larger size.

There are a number of things to consider here, if she is just a girlfriend:

1. You and she have different priorities. You are concerned with your physique and health, and willing to work to maintain it. She is not. If she doesn't get her weight under control (going by your mentioning that she was lazy) then you will find her most likely unwilling to go out, very sedentary, and on a completely different planet than you as far as diet and exercize goes.

2. You are already beginning to find her physically unappealing... and as great as love is, a marriage is unlikely to be successful without a robust sex life. You will want to stray, she will eat because you are cheating.... if you have kids in the future they will most certainly be the ones to suffer in the end.

3. If she is sedentary and not concerned about her weight gain, that will not improve when she has children. Using me as an example: I have never had weight problems. I had a healthy metabolism, never had to diet or exercize. I was a size 4 to 6 when I got pregnant the first time. On the other side of the pregnancy I had gained FIFTY pounds and was a size 12. It didn't really phase me much since I had never had to worry about my weight and I stayed there for 3.5 years until I finally realized that I needed to step up and clean up my diet and start exercizing so that my kids learned good habits.

 

[Mr. dB]

1. You and she have different priorities. You are concerned with your physique and health, and willing to work to maintain it. She is not. If she doesn't get her weight under control (going by your mentioning that she was lazy) then you will find her most likely unwilling to go out, very sedentary, and on a completely different planet than you as far as diet and exercize goes.

For a guy who exercises in part to make himself attractive to the opposite sex, it doesn't seem unreasonable to expect one's partner to also make a similar effort.

 

[aandd]

For a guy who exercises in part to make himself attractive to the opposite sex, it doesn't seem unreasonable to expect one's partner to also make a similar effort.

you and I are saying the same thing. Even going beyond that... weight could become an issue in their everyday life. She may not be up to sight-seeing, hiking, traveling, sports, etc that he gets involved in.

This is all of course making ASSumptions as to her current and future weight.

 

[HiDnGoD]

Why cant they force themselves to be aroused???
Women do it everyday

I realize this, but there is a major physiological difference, re erections etc.

and you see how bad it makes you feel when she says your size bothers her?
women have a different view of themselves than men do......i know my self esteem sucks...and ya know.....having a man tell me im too big for him to get aroused sucks

This is one of the reasons I was very reluctant to post here. I know how bad it would feel to her. I know about self esteem issues. But, how can I change something so basic. I was first attracted to my wife for certain reasons. Over the years things change, I love her dearly, & our sex life is, frankly, better than at 18. If she would gain 100 lbs I would love her, but I 'think' the lust may be impaired. The basic physical attraction would be lost. I'm not saying 150 or even 200, but 250-300. I hate to actually put a weight on it because I would rather sleep with Delta Burke than Paris Hilton. But it would say to me, that she didn't care about something that is so important to me. I am trying to look good for her 'cause I would hate to lose her to someone else. I would hope she would do the same.
BTW, it took me 1/2 hr to do this post.
I will now go away.
I had to edit my last comment.
Carry On!