Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below This is my first experience dating a woman with kids. She is 30 and I'm 24. We have only known each other for 2 months and she is wanting things to go fast. Her kids are 6 and 8. I really like this girl but things are goin so fast. She also asked me "When are you going to warm up to my kids?" Like I am not interacting with them enough. I guess Im not good with kids. Any advice on how to help fix this? Thanks.
Dating chicks with kids.Advice.
- Thread starter tybz28-#2
- Start date
For the woman, kids are her number one priority and if the man she is dating doesn't "warm" up to the kids or vice versa that is a huge red flag. Can't blame them the man (step dad) is going to be a role model of sorts (even if their dad is highly involved. For me if my ex's bf appears to not be good for my kids that's a no go right there. She'll make her choice, but I will let her know how I feel. I have to trust that person like it was me.
JayC9
Well-known member
chesty said:
Everyone to their own but personally I think a young lad of 24 doesn't need to deal with two kids, the ex, a pushy older women and all the rest of the crap that comes with it. Not my idea of a fun relationship! It's up to him but hey there's plenty of fish out there without that kind of baggage.
slickdadd
New member
Tybz is playin the MILF field. I like it. Play on playa.
As for your sich-ee-ayshun, I'm not sure. I guess if this relationship means anything at all to you, try to start warming up to the kids. Kids are fun if you don't have to take care of them, so just be silly with them. If not, just feed her the bologna until she has had enough.
Good luck tybz. You muh boy.
As for your sich-ee-ayshun, I'm not sure. I guess if this relationship means anything at all to you, try to start warming up to the kids. Kids are fun if you don't have to take care of them, so just be silly with them. If not, just feed her the bologna until she has had enough.
Good luck tybz. You muh boy.
Growth&Courage
New member
tybz28-#2 said:
Read this carefully for I will only say it once and I don't intend to follow up on this case...
You need to balance your lust for her as well as be a sustainable parental figure to those children of hers.
Now, being a sustainable parental figure will intially require you to 'warm up' but be aware that it entails alot more than that. It is a possible invitation to step-fatherhood.
If you are seeing this as a 'requirement' as supposed to an unconditional role I suggest you be upfront to her as to the cards you intend to play.
Personally, I don't think the idea of telling her upfront that your lust for her is your first priority will seem as sleazy as your pretension to play the role of a stepfather whose intention is really to nail her silly from every possible angle until she cease to sexually gratify you. On the same token, don't underestimate her position. I could be that she's well aware of her luggage and how by introducing those kids of hers into the picture could provide for her future as well as her offspring.
FYI, children around 6-8 years old are still going through critical developmental phase in their psychological, physical and neurological development. These children require stability and sustainable parental figure, one that will provide assurance and sense of security through to being a significant figure to their formation of self-identity.
Take this seriously for I have been left with a miserable childhood, my parents went through a series of failed divorced and step-parenting and look what they have done to me...
Bikini Mod
New member
You have known each other for two months and she is asking you, "When are you going to warm up to my kids?"
Stupid question: How long had she known you before she introduced you to them?"
Answer: NOT LONG AT ALL.
HYUGE RED FLAD
This will sound harsh, but, fuck the shit out of her as long as you can and run like hell when it ceases to be worth it anymore. But not when the kids are in the pic. Meaning, only see her when the kids are with the dad or take her out and doink her in a hotel while the kids are home with a sitter.
Any woman that feels the need to push her kids on a young man (or any man) that soon after she has met him has rocks in her head and that young man (or any man) is better off without HER...
Children are NOT baggage. They are a blessing and a gift, one that is not to be taken lightly or "pushed" on anyone.
Stupid question: How long had she known you before she introduced you to them?"
Answer: NOT LONG AT ALL.
HYUGE RED FLAD
This will sound harsh, but, fuck the shit out of her as long as you can and run like hell when it ceases to be worth it anymore. But not when the kids are in the pic. Meaning, only see her when the kids are with the dad or take her out and doink her in a hotel while the kids are home with a sitter.
Any woman that feels the need to push her kids on a young man (or any man) that soon after she has met him has rocks in her head and that young man (or any man) is better off without HER...
Children are NOT baggage. They are a blessing and a gift, one that is not to be taken lightly or "pushed" on anyone.
KillahBee
New member
I did it once. Well, more along the lines of "slept with" than dated. I was 24 and she was 22 with 2 kids. Incredibly hot. Extremely horny. Best sex I ever had. But all that is forgotten quickly when a 2-year-old that isn't yours jumps on the bed you are sleeping in while you are naked under the covers and just gave Mommy a healthy dose of mangoo in the grill 30 minutes ago. Not fun.
My advice - get out and stay out. It's tough for the guy and certainly tough for the woman. I did everything I could possibly do to not get involved with the kids, for their sake. Not easy.
My advice - get out and stay out. It's tough for the guy and certainly tough for the woman. I did everything I could possibly do to not get involved with the kids, for their sake. Not easy.
Ugh...if it weren't so early....you'd piss me off with this "baggage" garbage. A child is not baggage. Emotional instability, financial ruin, addictions.....THOSE are baggage. If he's crazy about this chic he needs to take it super slow. IMO, 2 months isn't quite long enough to know if you really are ready to take on the "ready made family". Personally, I do not date with my daughter at all. I'm very fortunate that her daddy is a HUGE part of her life and he and I share custody/schedule so I have down time so to speak. I feel that i need to get to know a man (and he me) thoroughly...see if he and I are compatible together before involving my daughter. A child is far too impresionable to have diff men/women coming in and out of their life. I'm speaking on my OWN behalf....you dont get to know me and THEN get to know my daughter to determine if you want to be with me. She is, without question the best part of who I am....so it's a done deal. Like someone said above...predetermine BEFOREHAND if you are willing to/can date someone with a child before even engaging in any "relationship". If not, no big...but be man/woman enough to say it upfront. If you're really into this gal....assure her you're not going anywhere and that time is key. Flip it to her that you are just as excited about the relationship but want a chance to really show her and get to know all that she AND her priorities (the children) are about.Jay Cartwright said:
That will show her you respect her situation and have everyone's best at hand.
Ditto on this post....Growth&Courage said:
I loathe my stepmother....have often times thought of smothering her in her sleep for the horrid things she has said and done to me. You really need to understand the importance of the RESPONSIBILITY you are about to embark on.
seizer
New member
I personally wouldnt beable to enter a relationship where the other person already has kids. I know that since they arent my own, I could never truly care for them as much as I would want like they were my own. This chick is probably lookin for a father, you're 24...while thats old enough to be a good dad, you have the option to grow more as a person before you make any child commitments.
Bikini Mod
New member
For the record - I have kids. In the 4 1/2 years that I have been separated from their father (going on 2 years divorced) ONE MAN has met them and that was at his urging for several weeks before I consented. I knew him for over 3 years before I allowed this to occur. He is also much older and quite experienced in life - a father and grandfather (married young first time) and still we are having a very hard time because of the issues of the death of his wife.
Relationships can be very complex. When children are involved all the adults need to put the kids first. This woman pushing the kids on you so soon is not expressing that. That expresses insecurity - period.
I have dated mad shamelessly. NO ONE even sees a picture of my kids, that is how special they are to me. Heck, I have had FRIENDS that I have known nearly two years that havent yet met my kids.
Relationships can be very complex. When children are involved all the adults need to put the kids first. This woman pushing the kids on you so soon is not expressing that. That expresses insecurity - period.
I have dated mad shamelessly. NO ONE even sees a picture of my kids, that is how special they are to me. Heck, I have had FRIENDS that I have known nearly two years that havent yet met my kids.
Yep yep same here. If only more parental units would have the same mindset....Beached Whale said:
hamstershaver
New member
welcome to the world of gigantic kitty
onerepmaximum
New member
It's package, not baggage. What I mean is, if you choose to be involved with a woman with kids, it's a package deal. You get it all or you get nothing. I guess 24 is young. I don't know, it depends on your experiences. I was an old man at 24, I think. If you're not in love with her kids too, it's gonna cause problems down the road. Two months is pretty quick to be making any long term commitments though, kids or not.
I'm gonna step up and play some devil's advocate here. To a young, just out of college, 24 year old guy with a lot of potential, youre goddamned right those kids are going to be baggage. He doesn't need to deal with that shit yet. He's got waaaaay too much to look forward to at this point in his life.
Back off, move on, enjoy freedom while you can.
Back off, move on, enjoy freedom while you can.
Steve The Bluesman
New member
tybz28-#2 said:
Run. For. Your. Fucking. Life.
Bluesman
rudeboyja
New member
I been with a few women with kids. Some wanted me to meet the kids, some didn't. You can't be expected to just warm up to the kids. It has to be natural. My buddy is dating someone with kids. I told him it's 2 way. You can't just jump in and be an instant father figure. They have to earn your trust also. But for 2 months, it sounds as if she's being way too pushy with the situation. If she's pushing these kids on you now, I bet she's done it with other men, which means these kids have seen many men come and go. Which also means they most likely will resent you anyway.
javaguru
Banned
ceasar989 said:
Are you 100% sure about this statement because I get the impression you've never been with a woman who has kids? Breaking off the engagement with my ex was hardest because I missed her two kids so much. I saw them "as my own" and I still talk to them and help them out when they need it. They already have a great father in their lives but you would be surprised how quickly you become attached. There are plenty of biological parents who abandon there children without a second thought, my last girlfriend was dealing with this. I'm sure adoptive parents love and cherish their children as much as any good biological parent.
That being said, if he's doubting the situation then he's definitely not ready! He needs to be honest with the mother and it needs to be said as soon as possible. I've dated mostly single mothers and if she's a good parent then she will bring a certain level of maturity and stability you will ahve a hard time finding in a woman the same age without children. Therefore, a serious relationship will be easier in some respects but the children will be a priority and you have to accept that if you want to be in a relationship.
onerepmaximum
New member
But baby, I told you you're the only one for me.Gymgurl said:
J
jenscats5
Guest
tybz28-#2 said:
IMO, dating only 2 months is pretty soon to be meeting her children. With them being so young, it's not good for kids to see men go in & out of their's & their mother's lives. The mom's relationships, IMO, should be kept separate from her children.
As for kids -- they aren't for everyone. You are only 24 & have a lot of time to decide if kids are for you or not. If you don't want children, then you prolly shouldn't be in a relationship with a woman who has kids. But if you do, remember, her kids will come first -- not you.
I think it's too soon in your relationship for you to interact with her children. Plus, if you want the relationship to be casual & she wants it serious - you both need to work that out 1st before meeting & interacting with her children.
Dunk
New member
KillahBee said:
ditto. he rbeing the piece of ass she was was what got me in the beginning.
my ex is my ex for this reason.
im 24 shes 26.
had a lil 3 yearold.
couldnt stand being balls deep in that ass and hearing from the other room
"ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
..........
"ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
shut up im tryin to gooj ova here!
javaguru
Banned
Gymgurl said:
Is that REALLY practical? There are a lot of bad parents out there who have permamnently damaged their children. Shouldn't the man have a chance to see how the woman interacts with the children and how they behave. After all, if he's walking down the aisle with a woman he's going to be there father. It doesn't have to be a "children this is your new father" introduction but simply hanging out as "mommy's friend javaguru" is always how its been done with me after we were serious.
Bad Idea.
This is a loaded question, bro.
I really wish you would have thought things out before you jumped in the pool.
First off, I wouldn't recommend dating a woman with kids anyway, it's not in your best interest because the mother will be thinking of what's best for her kids, not what's best for the relationship. Not knocking that, because a good mother is supposed to put her kids first, but for your purposes tybz28-#2, it's not really ideal.
Secondly, she wants you to warm up to her kids because she is looking for a relationship and stability and she knows as well as most women that a female with two school age children is not what guys look for, it's just not attractive to a single guy. She is rushing things hoping you will adjust to her with marriage being the goal.
Any responsible mother with kids would not force her kids on you and then become resentful because you aren't "warming up to them". It sounds to me like she has a different agenda here and I caution you to think about the choices you make. I don't like how this situation sounds at all.
The age difference isn't so bad, but she's in a different stage of life than you are. She's 30 w/ kids and she likely won't have many more opportunities for a long term relationship before her kids are grown-up. Before you take the bait, know what the fuck you're getting in to, nugga....
Use your head and you'll be fine.
DIV
tybz28-#2 said:
This is a loaded question, bro.
I really wish you would have thought things out before you jumped in the pool.
First off, I wouldn't recommend dating a woman with kids anyway, it's not in your best interest because the mother will be thinking of what's best for her kids, not what's best for the relationship. Not knocking that, because a good mother is supposed to put her kids first, but for your purposes tybz28-#2, it's not really ideal.
Secondly, she wants you to warm up to her kids because she is looking for a relationship and stability and she knows as well as most women that a female with two school age children is not what guys look for, it's just not attractive to a single guy. She is rushing things hoping you will adjust to her with marriage being the goal.
Any responsible mother with kids would not force her kids on you and then become resentful because you aren't "warming up to them". It sounds to me like she has a different agenda here and I caution you to think about the choices you make. I don't like how this situation sounds at all.
The age difference isn't so bad, but she's in a different stage of life than you are. She's 30 w/ kids and she likely won't have many more opportunities for a long term relationship before her kids are grown-up. Before you take the bait, know what the fuck you're getting in to, nugga....
Use your head and you'll be fine.
DIV
J
jenscats5
Guest
Dang, DIV, I have to agree with you on this.....
OMG...you took the words RIGHT out of my mouth. Mark this day down as I'm sure it'll be one of the few that I will say that.jenscats5 said:
oh yeah? i think i missed the memo...care to enlighten?DIVISION said:
lickin lollypops
New member
habitualhealth said:Ugh...if it weren't so early....you'd piss me off with this "baggage" garbage. A child is not baggage. Emotional instability, financial ruin, addictions.....THOSE are baggage. If he's crazy about this chic he needs to take it super slow. IMO, 2 months isn't quite long enough to know if you really are ready to take on the "ready made family". Personally, I do not date with my daughter at all. I'm very fortunate that her daddy is a HUGE part of her life and he and I share custody/schedule so I have down time so to speak. I feel that i need to get to know a man (and he me) thoroughly...see if he and I are compatible together before involving my daughter. A child is far too impresionable to have diff men/women coming in and out of their life. I'm speaking on my OWN behalf....you dont get to know me and THEN get to know my daughter to determine if you want to be with me. She is, without question the best part of who I am....so it's a done deal. Like someone said above...predetermine BEFOREHAND if you are willing to/can date someone with a child before even engaging in any "relationship". If not, no big...but be man/woman enough to say it upfront. If you're really into this gal....assure her you're not going anywhere and that time is key. Flip it to her that you are just as excited about the relationship but want a chance to really show her and get to know all that she AND her priorities (the children) are about.
You must spread some Karma around before giving it to habitualhealth again.
S
Spartacus
Guest
hey! solidBeached Whale said:
lickin lollypops
New member
ceasar989 said:
I guess you'll never know until your put in that situation....But that's just my opinion.
artrius
New member
Ok bro, here's what you need to do. Get lots of garlic, some crosses, and lots of wooden stakes. The next time that bloodsucking bat of a vampire comes around you frickin nail her to the ground with your stakes, dump garlic down her throat, and impale her with a cross you aren't wearing.
That should get rid of her, or at least get your point across.
That should get rid of her, or at least get your point across.
Dekaxx
New member
Dude i would see BIG RED FLAGS with this one! Im a Single DAD and i do NOT allow women to be around my children unless im SERIOUS with them and 2 months is hardly time enough for you to be warming up to anything!
Besides your 24 years old and you need a ready made faimly in 2 months like you need a bullet in your head!
Kids are great but lots of responsibility and this chick is dead wrong for trying to FORCE her kids on you and thats exactly what it sounds like she is trying to do.
I even had a counselor tell me one time you can count on 1-2 years to properly develope a realtiosnhip with someone who has children.
Besides your 24 years old and you need a ready made faimly in 2 months like you need a bullet in your head!
Kids are great but lots of responsibility and this chick is dead wrong for trying to FORCE her kids on you and thats exactly what it sounds like she is trying to do.
I even had a counselor tell me one time you can count on 1-2 years to properly develope a realtiosnhip with someone who has children.
Thanks for all the advice. This is a really hard situation for me because I really like this girl. I also have feel like someone else who posted and said that they would never be able to love kids that arent thier as as much as kids that were. I think im the same way. i dont know if i can love these kids like they deserve to be loved.
Also, all the red flags. Its really even worse than you guys think. First of all this girl has worked with my mom for like 3 years. The first time i met her was at a bar. One of my friends is standin there and he tells me, "dude that blond over there can't take her eyes off you" I have never been pursued like this by a girl before. She calls me all the time , everyday. She started askin me if i wanted to meet her kids like month after we got together. I know exatcly what she would say if I said that most people wouldnt inroduce someone to thier kids so fast, she would say. "Well its a package deal and if you arent serious then we have a problem"
What do you guys think this girls motivation is? Does she think that she better get a man now before she gets too old? Does she have a hidden agenda? I wonder if she has heard soemthing about me possibly from someone to her work that works with my mom saying i have money or somethin. Its just weird I have never been pursued like this. Most of the time I have to put in 50% or more of the effort in relationships.
Oh and can you guys give me some ideas on how to interact with her kids. I thought i was interacting but she doesnt think so at all. What should i do with them? Please give me some tips. Im not good with kids i guess.
Also, all the red flags. Its really even worse than you guys think. First of all this girl has worked with my mom for like 3 years. The first time i met her was at a bar. One of my friends is standin there and he tells me, "dude that blond over there can't take her eyes off you" I have never been pursued like this by a girl before. She calls me all the time , everyday. She started askin me if i wanted to meet her kids like month after we got together. I know exatcly what she would say if I said that most people wouldnt inroduce someone to thier kids so fast, she would say. "Well its a package deal and if you arent serious then we have a problem"
What do you guys think this girls motivation is? Does she think that she better get a man now before she gets too old? Does she have a hidden agenda? I wonder if she has heard soemthing about me possibly from someone to her work that works with my mom saying i have money or somethin. Its just weird I have never been pursued like this. Most of the time I have to put in 50% or more of the effort in relationships.
Oh and can you guys give me some ideas on how to interact with her kids. I thought i was interacting but she doesnt think so at all. What should i do with them? Please give me some tips. Im not good with kids i guess.
J
jenscats5
Guest
^^
I think you need to take more time to re-evaluate whether or not you want to be in that situation.
It's hard to say what her motives are just by reading what you have posted -- but it's very strange for a woman to push her kids on you like that. Where is their father?? Provided he's involved with them, they have a dad & don't need another one. You aren't & won't be their dad -- but you can be their friend.
I think you need to take more time to re-evaluate whether or not you want to be in that situation.
It's hard to say what her motives are just by reading what you have posted -- but it's very strange for a woman to push her kids on you like that. Where is their father?? Provided he's involved with them, they have a dad & don't need another one. You aren't & won't be their dad -- but you can be their friend.
Dekaxx
New member
Let me add something else for you too think about and another reason why this Woman is thinking either of no one but herself or with whats between her legs! (yes women do this too sometimes)
You start being around her kids and they start getting attached and start thinking your going to be there new Dad then things don't work out then there will be 2 kiddos there dealing with Broken Hearts and thats not fair to the Children. If this selfish Woman (im being nice) IS going to be reckless when it comes to her children I think you should be the better man and not allow the forementioned to happen.
I think taking the above into consideration, you should really think about WHO your getting involved with. If you had a child and she was responsible for taking care of that child and say you where divorced and in the position of weekend Dad how would you feel if your X was so reckless with her Love Life she would only know a guy a couple of months then start throwing your child at this guy.
You haven't even had time to get to know one another yet to be doing this shit, sounds to me like this chick is a co-dependent fool and there are probably valid reasons she is divorced and if i was you Bro id run like hell she sounds like trouble!
Do yourself a Favor Bro pull back out of Honeymoon land and THINK about WHO your getting involved with for your own good.
You start being around her kids and they start getting attached and start thinking your going to be there new Dad then things don't work out then there will be 2 kiddos there dealing with Broken Hearts and thats not fair to the Children. If this selfish Woman (im being nice) IS going to be reckless when it comes to her children I think you should be the better man and not allow the forementioned to happen.
I think taking the above into consideration, you should really think about WHO your getting involved with. If you had a child and she was responsible for taking care of that child and say you where divorced and in the position of weekend Dad how would you feel if your X was so reckless with her Love Life she would only know a guy a couple of months then start throwing your child at this guy.
You haven't even had time to get to know one another yet to be doing this shit, sounds to me like this chick is a co-dependent fool and there are probably valid reasons she is divorced and if i was you Bro id run like hell she sounds like trouble!
Do yourself a Favor Bro pull back out of Honeymoon land and THINK about WHO your getting involved with for your own good.
Bikini Mod
New member
Why does this woman feel the need to actually have you meet the kids in order for her to reinforce the idea that "it is a package deal"? Isnt it enough that she told you she has kids for you to realize this?
She could sit on your cock morning, noon and night that would not make her a bad person - just a grown woman that finds you hot. But the fact that she is including YOU in her mommy life so soon and being so vehement about it - THAT is a major problem.
As for how you should be interacting with them and you being good with kids - that shouldn't even be a topic of conversation. PERIOD. If I have to tell a man how to interact with my children then there is something wrong WITH ME. Children shouldn't be involved in adult drama, but sadly they too often are.
My advice to you?
RUN
She could sit on your cock morning, noon and night that would not make her a bad person - just a grown woman that finds you hot. But the fact that she is including YOU in her mommy life so soon and being so vehement about it - THAT is a major problem.
As for how you should be interacting with them and you being good with kids - that shouldn't even be a topic of conversation. PERIOD. If I have to tell a man how to interact with my children then there is something wrong WITH ME. Children shouldn't be involved in adult drama, but sadly they too often are.
My advice to you?
RUN
J
jenscats5
Guest
Dekaxx said:I think the RUN's have it! Anyone to second that notion
Aye!!
The Angry Mule
New member
Atleast you know they fuck
Dieselgoku23
New member
WHO DA IS?
Thats just my baby Daddy!!!
Thats just my baby Daddy!!!
Kids what do you say to the nice man walking down the street ? Are you my daddy ?
Heh I'm a single dad, and met a girl alot like the one you are talking about. Trust me, stop having sex with her and leave. You sound like the type of guy that once you have sex with a girl she can do absolutely no wrong in your eyes. There is something wrong with her, seriously. She lured you in with sex, and she is either eyeing you for a relationship, financial support, or something else of the sort, all this and you've known her for 2 months... Step back and think about it, if you stay with her it will be VERY hard to get out of. Break it off with her, and go out with your friends to get your mind off of her. After a few days you'll be fine.
Heh I'm a single dad, and met a girl alot like the one you are talking about. Trust me, stop having sex with her and leave. You sound like the type of guy that once you have sex with a girl she can do absolutely no wrong in your eyes. There is something wrong with her, seriously. She lured you in with sex, and she is either eyeing you for a relationship, financial support, or something else of the sort, all this and you've known her for 2 months... Step back and think about it, if you stay with her it will be VERY hard to get out of. Break it off with her, and go out with your friends to get your mind off of her. After a few days you'll be fine.
