Couples Counseling

[Captain FT]

alright cocksucker, you want a real answer? Fine.





Nobody can tell you what the right thing to do is. Only you can decide what's best for you and your children at this point. Sounds like you've already figured it out though so best of luck.



It all just depends if she is WORTH another chance. I don't know her, and nobody else here does so only you can answer it. Has she cheated on you or anyone else in the past? If she has, she'll more than likely do it again.



If a few years down the road you end up in the same situation again relationship wise, will she go off and cheat to fulfill her needs again? How will she handle that?



Is cheating unforgivable? Im not saying it is, but 4 years bro? A one time incident is a lot easier to forgive than repeated affairs or ones that last years.



And, I know where you're coming from. To those in here that call me bitter, and say that i haven't forgiven or can't. Well, more than likely you were already aware you were being cheated on or suspicious of it already happening. It's a hell of a lot easier to forgive when you already knew or suspected a problem than when you think life is wonderful and nothing is wrong makes it very hard to trust that person again.





and I meant what I said when I wished you the best.

Thanks bro. I wasn't asking for you to give me a real answer but I appreciate your words. It's a fucked up situation and though I come and go sometimes on these boards I have known a lot of the regulars for awhile, including you. This place is a good place to air your problems semi-anonymously and get some opinions along with some ball busting, I knew that when I posted.

I also know my approach would be in the minority, I wanted to see what some of the other guys thought and it pretty much fell in line with what I expected.

I appreciate everyone's kind encouraging words, even yours Mitch cause you know I'll be back in another post (probably when I buy a Prius) to get a good ball busing like the baby dick fgt that I am.

 

[miplank]

I'm still 99% sure that baby dick is why she was cheating anyways.

 

[cindylou]

^^ (Plank's longer post)this is exactly the reason I have stayed single and celibate for the last two years. For the first time in my life, someone hurt me so deeply, there was no going for strange or any of that nonsense. I also didn't want to spend the rest of my life with the absolute bitter rage that I have felt for a long time. Time does NOT heal all wounds. You have to do some work and eventually make a choice to let it go.

FT, I agree with plank. The answer lies with you and I think you know that. If you do all you can do to save the relationship and it doesn't work, at least you know you tried.

That's really good IMO. It's not fair to be in another relationship with someone else if you're still not over the previous one, and that includes resulting bitterness.

I'm not condoning cheating, and there's a difference between what is going on here (IMO) and narcissistic personality disorder. But what I don't get behind is the idea that it's okay to take marriage vows and not consider that you would forgive your partner for cheating and prepare yourself for these type of situations. It's just naive.

Also, the whole affair thing. Men and women are open to infidelity equally but men typically won't do the affair, they do the one time thing so I understand why that's easier to wrap their minds around, but it's not fair to make blanket statements about what type of cheating is forgivable. Men typically, they'll get their needs met. Men sometimes are oblivious to any problems in the relationship until the affair has been exposed and by then there are a ton of problems already there that allowed the affair to even happen. There's emotional distance, there's unmet needs, bad behaviors, there's all kinds of things happening, and outside personality disorders, affairs don't happen overnight. It's not like oh everything was wonderful, yeah maybe for the person getting their needs met! IMO only someone completely self absorbed and lacking in self awareness would say that it was only one person's fault. Only in the event of marrying a sociopath or someone with a mental illness would you be looking at maybe a true innocent victim.

We are not equipped with the skills needed to avoid these things by default. Marriage is HARD and takes work. People think that phrase "marriage is hard" means nothing, its just a phrase. It's not just a phrase. Anyone married for 40 years says its HARD WORK. This is what makes marriage HARD. This is where you roll your sleeves up and work on it. You know, and a lot of people aren't interested in being married and that's okay too. But you know, we are all human beings, and we are all flawed.

 

[miplank]

fuck cheaters

 

[cindylou]

Let me know when you're finally over your divorce.

 

[miplank]

lol

 

[Captain FT]

^^Cindy^^

A lot of people are interested in getting married until it takes hard work to make it right.

I was always one of those people that thought it should just work everyone should be happy. That's not the case. I agree with everything you said.

 

[wootoom]

^^Cindy^^

A lot of people are interested in getting married until it takes hard work to make it right.

I was always one of those people that thought it should just work everyone should be happy. That's not the case. I agree with everything you said.

So what you're are saying is that have no balls?

 

[Captain FT]

So what you're are saying is that have no balls?

I think that's a typo is that I have no balls or you have no balls?

 

[cindylou]

an unmasculine man would have cut and run immediately