could i ask for a little help?

[blueyedkowgrl]

hello all. i've been here for a while now but have been hiding for the last 6 months. I slipped into a HUGE depression after 9/11. I am a NY'er and i lost many many friends to this tradedgy. some we buried and some we had memorials for because they have't been found. i stopped working out (i could barely get out of bed and take care of my 2 kids) my eating habits returned to the reach for the cookies stress response, so i have put on a few pounds of lard. I stopped damn near everything, i withdrew from my husband and my loved ones I was seeing a psychologist and he had me on meds, celexa, tegretol (for my anger) and zanx. well i will say that after a few weeks i did feel better but then i stopped because i got freaked out that it was the meds and not me feeling better. i didn't want to be on medication for ever. so i stopped. i am still feeling a slight depression but i am getting better. and now i am ready to get my real life back. i want to feel healthy and have a clear mind. I am just having a little problem getting and staying motivated i DO NOT want to slide back into that darkness, i want my life back. I usually don't ask for help (that is one more of my "issues" lol) but i am asking now.I have had a rough time in my life and this is just another obstacle that has been put in my way, i can and will overcome but i don't want to do it alone. i am reading all the posts and putting a good healthy diet together i'm going to use spatts diet with a few minor personal adj. i am putting together my workouts so now all i need is a little moral support. can ya muster some up for me?

 

[Sassy69]

Hey girl! Those of us not in NY definitely feel for those of who were very close to the tragedy. I think all of us were dramatically affected by it, but there's really nothing that can compare to being in the middle of it. It sounds like you have dealt with it the best that you can, but now that the initial shock has worn off, you are trying to get back to "normal". It is definitely better to resort to "natural" remedies such as good diet to not stress your body out with foreign substances that either tax it (e.g. cookies) or force it to be a certain way (e.g. anti-depressants, etc.) and exercise is just an all-around great way to reduce stress, give you something to focus on and clear out your brain for a few hours/week.

I think you are definitely heading in the right direction and I'm personally very excited to see that you are taking the steps to move on with life. Sometimes it just seems so much easier to just keep reaching for the cookies and languish around in the tragedy of it all --- but time does heal some things ( though it can't change them). Props to ya girl for making it happen! You have all my encouragement and you might want to update us as you move forward - those little victories are what bring you to the final conquest!

 

[Gladiola]

Hello,

I'm sorry for your loss. As Sassy69 said, keep us updated on your progress.

I hope some of the modifications you make to Spatts diet include being a little more lenient. A very strict diet is difficult to stick to - you want a balance of a healthy diet, but one that lets you have some cookies *sometimes* so you can stick to it & be successful. You can try using www.fitday.com to keep track of what you're eating & making it a little easier to calculate everything.

One thing that worked for me (to stick to lifting when I was doing too much cardio) was to set a goal of 3 lifting workouts per week. I made up my mind that if I didn't get them in throughout week 1, then whatever I didn't do would be MADE UP (So 2 workouts week 1, 4 workouts week 2). This helped me stick to it & not let the days slide by doing only the cardio. I liked it b/c I enjoy the flexibility in my schedule, although a set schedule might work well for you do (ex: Monday-legs, Tue-back, etc.).

 

[VooDoo Lady]

I can muster up as much as you can take girl

Tell us what you need

 

[Temple]

Blue - anything you need - ANYTHING.

I admire you for wanting to do this without the meds but hun, sometimes you need them. Only you can decide this however, they can help you get thru until you can get on with it on your own. Either way - you will make it...

 

[wyst]

Sure we can!

I don't want to sound like a 12-step program, but it's one day at a time. The life and body and you that you had before took...your whole life to build. Rebuilding it will take a while, so don't get discouraged if progress seems slow. You gotta do the whole small goals thing. I ate well today, I worked out today, and that's all I have control over or should be worrying about today. And if I didn't have a good day, I'll try again tomorrow.

The nice thing about rebuilding after a disaster (I've been there) is that once you get dug out of the worst pits, and can really hold your head up a bit (and you sound like you might be moving that way, if you've done and gotten off the meds) is that you can decide how you want to rebuild your life. Take a good look when you feel better -- when everything's been trashed, you can, if you're lucky, find a certain sense of freedom in starting over.

Good luck, and stop by often. Keep this thread going, or pm us. You aren't alone.

Wyst

 

[wyst]

This may be out of line, but if I were really angry (genuinely angry, I should say), I would force myself to see that as a golden opportunity to push some SERIOUS weight. I would be taking it out on the damn machines. I know you will find your own way to work through this and just need support while you do. There are physical reasons to get back in the gym, but please don't forget that exercise also releases endorphins, adrenaline, etc... it's medicine for your body AND mind.

In totally agree. My best workouts are often when I'm at my worst mentally. And then I usually feel better after. Doesn't sound out of line to me.

Wyst

 

[blueyedkowgrl]

thank you all for your words of encourgament. I am going to the gym now, i have my kiddies in tow off to the daycare they go and i am going to kick my own a$$!!

I've been in situations before that i never thought i was going to pull out of but i did and they made me stronger and wiser. my past is why i am the person i am today i think that this one brought up all the past stuff and scared the hell out of me. I had/have terrible survivors guilt but i know that my friends and loved ones are here with me everyday and they don't want to see me like this so not only am i pulling myself up by my bootstraps for myself i am doing it for them, they will live on if i live on and always remember and never forget them.

plus summer is coming and have you seen the size of the shorts in the stores??? theres NO MATERIAL there. can't have these legs sticking out of the bottom of them!LOL ( see i can still chuckle!)
when i come home from the gym i am firing up the steamer and cooking for the week. i work fri-tues so tomorrow is kinda like my monday. so here we go! lets roll!!

oh and spats hell no you weren't out of line you were right on the money i know i need the release it does make me feel better. its tough to be mad and not know where to let it out. I can't put my hands on the person/people that caused this but if they ever catch all of these S.O.B's i think they should let them out in the middle of central park and let us have'm just for a while.

 

[luvs2workout]

Glad to have ya back Blue ...So sorry to hear about your loss

 

[new@gettinbig]

Great post and you are headed in the right direction...I am so sorry for your loss....you need to have a period of time to deal w/ all of this...it is hard and it takes time..but know you will become a better and stronger person..for yourself and for your family. Getting back into the gym and eating right will help you so much....when we eat like shit and stray from training it only makes matters worse...and leads to so many other problems..You took some time off..did some bad eatin..but no big deal..you can bounce back and sometimes periods of that stuff can help us and we come back better and stronger than ever....READ THE BOARDS...we will keep ya motivated..WE are HERE for YOU!!! know this and take advantage of it...your own lil support group! Keep YOUR HEAD UP and believe in yourself and your future..be greatful for what you have and what you can do....you have a lot in store for you.....dont let it pass you by.......Take care of yourself...let us know if you need anything and PUMP SOME SERIOUS IRON GIRLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Ceebs]

Endorphins are nature's anti-depressant. I'm with Wyst and Spatts that getting back into your old routine - at least workout wise - will make you feel better than any doctor-prescribed remedy. I wish you the best in working through your loss. Keep us posted.

 

[blueyedkowgrl]

well i headed off to the gym yesterday afternoon with my kiddies in tow. got to the gym and while walking in my 4 yr old took a nose dive off the curb!! she was hysterical crying for 20 mins it took 5 bandaids and some extra attention to get her to calm down. damn the cosmic gods for making my life a clusterf*ck! well after that and dropping my head phones in the sink off to work out i went. I did legs (since its been a while i knew i'd be sore and i am a waitress so i need to be able to lift my arms above my head! LOL) now my legs are sore as hell but that is a great feeling! well off to take my ball of fur to go get a hair cut. ( i mean the dog not any of the kids!!) thanks guys i really appreciate all the help.

 

[Temple]

Spats is right - that right there is what seperates us from everyone else. I have spent the last month asking myself "how bad do you want it" at least 10 times a day. That one question helps me walk away from food that is not on the approved eating list, will get out a few extra reps and a little more cardio. You have travelled a long road Blue - you will make it.

 

[wyst]

well i headed off to the gym yesterday afternoon with my kiddies in tow. got to the gym and while walking in my 4 yr old took a nose dive off the curb!! she was hysterical crying for 20 mins it took 5 bandaids and some extra attention to get her to calm down. damn the cosmic gods for making my life a clusterf*ck! well after that and dropping my head phones in the sink off to work out i went. I did legs (since its been a while i knew i'd be sore and i am a waitress so i need to be able to lift my arms above my head! LOL) now my legs are sore as hell but that is a great feeling! well off to take my ball of fur to go get a hair cut. ( i mean the dog not any of the kids!!) thanks guys i really appreciate all the help.

The best part of this post, and the part you should definitely keep saying to yourself, over and over again...

that is a great feeling!

Good for you, cowgirl.

xoxo

Wyst

 

[Debu]

Blue-I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. This is a difficult time but as you said you've been thru hard times before, got thru it and now you are stronger! Keep remembering that. I too lost a friend I served with in the Pentagon. It tore me up. I'm sure the loved ones you lost don't want to see you stop living your life for them. Stand strong and keep fighting...what helped to keep me going was this thought...if I am not strong enough to overcome this tragedy, stop living my life as it it is, then the terrorists truely have one. Everytime I wanted to lie in bed and not face the day I remembered this, everytime I felt too depressed to workout I remembered this, this thought helped me thru the pain of Americas lossses and I refused to be another victim!
My thoughts and prayeres are with you...

 

[wyst]

How's it going Bluegirl? Just thought I'd give you a shout out...all the TV coverage on the 6 month anniversary is kinda bringing some of us around here down, and I thought of you...

Hope you're okay, and hope you're keeping positive. If not, do what I did this am: crush out some of that negative energy in a set of high-intensity squats!

xoxoxo

Wyst

 

[blueyedkowgrl]

i'm ok. thank you so much for thinking of me. I have not turned the tv on or the radio on today. I work in a bar and grill and the tv was on last night and they had the ff special on last night well i broke down in tears and had to banish myself to the kitchen with some jimmy hendricks on REAL loud until i knew they turned it off. I'm heading to the gym before work so hopefully i will be in a better frame of mind. I feel real sad today but i am just trying to keep my head up. thanks again, it made me smile knowing that you were thinking about me. thanks

oh and the really really hot new cook i have might help to keep at least my eyes busy at work! maybe he can help me think of some new reciepes. he's a Big BB. HUGE arms and everything else and looking mighty fine,and he can cook! damn if only i wasn't married! lol

 

[blueyedkowgrl]

hey spatts, i'm doing ok. trying to take it one day at a time. trying to get more sleep so i can get up and hit the gym in the morning before my husband goes to work. this is not an easy task. with the hours i work i need to go in the morning, but that means getting to bed and sleeping the whole night. getting all my food in is another problem i am encountering. i work 4 nights a week but 35 hours in those 4 nights so what happens is i am rushing around and can't get some my meals in. then i am soo hungry i just eat crap because i am to lazy to cook. so i am trying to cook and stock up on my meals so this doesn't happen. but i really need to figure out where to stick my gym time in. well i guess it will all work out. I am trying to get my husband to go to the gym which will be better so that i don't need to hear any crap about me leaving him and spending no time with him. well like AA one day at a time!