Boyfriend advice & working out

[Daisy_Girl]

The fact that I can share my feelings with him is part of that strength. The fact that he can reassure me without getting defensive or feeling hurt is also part of that strength.

No feeling, jealousy or whatever, can "kill" a relationship, if both partners are committed to keeping it alive.

That is actually an excellent point. It's the SHARING (or lack thereof) that makes or kills a relationship. If you cannot share your feelings with your partner, then that is when the relationship is dead in the water. Being with someone means you have to totally accept who they are...the good and the bad. If you cannot do this then you are with the wrong person. A lasting relationship is built on growing together as a couple, and acceptance...and yes, compromise.

None of us are perfect (well, accept me, lol ) so who are you to demand perfection from a mate when you yourself are not perfect?

 

[majutsu]

One of the things I noticed, especially on this board, is people's willingness to argue vociferously about things like incline presses. This happens because of people's absolute unwillingness to consider other people's goals and priorities (say for fitness, assuming everyone has the same exact goals as they). Vinylgroover, what I want in a relationship is someone to love me, kiss me, share my dreams and values, and be faithful. This is what I value. It does not seem that important to me that if it's 8pm I'm coming home from work, get a flat, and arrive home 5 hours later than usual, if Wend then asks, with some trepidation, where I was. This may happen once every four months. I explain, it's over. Many partners/friends I have do screw around and destroy their families, so it's not an illogical worry on Wend's part, and I ask her the same questions when she's gone unexplained for hours. Neither of these scenarios happens but a few times a year. Without any hostility or consequence to the questions, I don't see it as important. And it usually provides a segue to talk about our relationship, which is always good. So, it is not a big priority to me that my woman absolutely, never suspect infidelity. That seems unrealistic and controlling to me. I would have a far harder time living with a woman who didn't share my dreams or politics or values than I would with a woman who three times a year asks where I spent the last 8 hours. Since you like to play armchair psychologist so much vinylgroover, ask yourself this, why do you value apparent freedom so much? When relationships are about loyalty and fidelity, and communication, committment and accountability are part of that in reality, why is it so important to you to appear unattached? And while you may break up with a woman who asks you one question as to your whereabouts, if you succeed in forbiding her from speaking her mind and fears, it doesn't mean she doesn't still have these ideas in her head. From my point of view, you are deliberately creating a communication problem to avoid appearing like you are in a normal, committed relationship -- constructing a silly facade of total freedom "Yeah baby"[ala Austin Powers] Good thread, good conversation, and interesting discussion all around though, Thanks.

 

[Griz1]

Why don't you just switch to a "women's gym" and then he can be satisfied that guys aren't going to hump you when you're not paying attention, and you get to work out all you want?

Why don't you guys work out together then he can "babysit" you (in his mind) and then he can just shut the fuck up?

Or, you could just spend the next two years eating twinkies and get supremely overweight til he begs you to go to the gym?

Seriously, I think this issue runs deeper in your relationship than just working out at the gym. If he can't trust you, that's his problem isn't it?