Boyfriend advice & working out

[Daisy_Girl]

That's a pretty shallow excuse for ending a relationship/marriage. Hey, i'm buffed now so i'm moving on to something better.

As far as Power princess' problem goes, you need to work out whether you really want a partner who is jealous of you. Jealousy is one of the most unproductive and dangerous of emotions. And don't give me the crap about how well he treats you and that he's a good person and all that other shit that women come up with. Good people don't get jealous of their partners, they trust them, support them and encourage them.

I would never be with anyone who even had a tiny hint of jealousy.

I don't think being buff is reason they end a marriage. I think we can all relate to the increased self esteem that comes with being in shape and/or doing something good for yourself. Sometimes it takes that increased self esteem to leave a relationship that is not working. I doubt it is totally happy couples that do this - usually there are deeper problems within the marriage.

Think of an abused women (physical or emotional). In that relationship she has no self esteeem, feels worthless. If she were to increase her self esteem, then maybe she would have the courage to leave him. A little watered down, but the point remains the same. It could be two people holding onto each other because they don't think anyone else could love them or accept them. Their self esteem increases through going to the gym, and all of a sudden they realize they are important and won't stay in a marriage of convenience or something.

 

[PBR]

QS, fant , Daisy...very valid points...ones that I have seen as my earlier post expressed...this is a very true phenomenon...I ve seen plastic surgery take more relationships down the road to despair than working out and and revamping ones body, for the exact same reasons...tho IMO, if that were to cause a relationship to break-up, then it was hanging by a thread in the first place...there is a false sense of security that can accompany dramatic physique changes...however-accomplshing something and having control over ones body- can be a life changing experience....the trick is knowing the difference, and what the intent was, behind the motivation....

 

[PBR]

I think that men and women need time to themselves and can choose what they wish to do during those time without outside judgement.

If he doesn't respect your desire to spend time working out he doesn't respect you.

Something to sit sit down and discuss rationally as he just might not see the importance as you do.

Velvett....Iam with you 100% with "your time
to yourselves" statement....

 

[wend]

Good people don't get jealous of their partners, they trust them, support them and encourage them.

I would never be with anyone who even had a tiny hint of jealousy.

Being jealous doesn't make someone bad. It makes them human.

I have to deal with being jealous myself...thanks to the fact that my father was a philanderer. It's just one of my issues. No matter how faithful Maj has been, I still get suspicious now and then.

But it's what one chooses to do with that suspicion that determines whether or not it's going to undermine a relationship. I can accuse him of doing the things I suspect, or I can confess that I'm feeling suspicious, and let him reassure me. (And he's very good at making me feel better, believe me!) In the end, I trust him and support and encourage him, but that doesn't mean that I never feel jealous. I think you need to watch your generalizations!

 

[poopmonkey]

Give him my number, he sounds okay to me!

 

[winny100]

talk to him not the board

 

[chvl67]

That's a pretty shallow excuse for ending a relationship/marriage. Hey, i'm buffed now so i'm moving on to something better.
QUOTE]

Yeah, most ordinary, non-fitness folks would say that not wanting to be with someone because they are out of shape is shallow. (Or in this case, conversely, once you get in shape, and the other person isn't.)
But my opinion is that fitness in and of itself is all about self-esteem. You care enough about yourself and your body to treat it right, and make it look good. Why shouldn't I expect the same quality in my mate?

Personally i have always tried to date people who were into some form of fitness because it has been such a big part of my life.

 

[vinylgroover]

Being jealous doesn't make someone bad. It makes them human.

I have to deal with being jealous myself...thanks to the fact that my father was a philanderer. It's just one of my issues. No matter how faithful Maj has been, I still get suspicious now and then.

But it's what one chooses to do with that suspicion that determines whether or not it's going to undermine a relationship. I can accuse him of doing the things I suspect, or I can confess that I'm feeling suspicious, and let him reassure me. (And he's very good at making me feel better, believe me!) In the end, I trust him and support and encourage him, but that doesn't mean that I never feel jealous. I think you need to watch your generalizations!

I stand by my original quote.

Jealousy will kill any relationship longer term.

If i had to re-assure my partner every time she had mis-placed 'feelings of suspicion' she wouldn't last long as my partner. That's fine for you to want 're-assurance' but how do you think he feels. Not real fair is it.

 

[Daisy_Girl]

If i had to re-assure my partner every time she had mis-placed 'feelings of suspicion' she wouldn't last long as my partner. That's fine for you to want 're-assurance' but how do you think he feels. Not real fair is it.

I can totally see why you feel the way you do, but not every male feels that way. Wend's partner may NOT have a problem with giving reassurance...just because YOU can't deal with jealous feelings doesn't mean others can't deal. We are all different and can put up with different things. We all have different expectations of ourselves and of our partners.

 

[wend]

Thanks, Daisy.

Vinyl, we've been married for a long time (a few years more than ten), and our relationship has only gotten stronger. The fact that I can share my feelings with him is part of that strength. The fact that he can reassure me without getting defensive or feeling hurt is also part of that strength.

No feeling, jealousy or whatever, can "kill" a relationship, if both partners are committed to keeping it alive.