Nan, I had no babies in my family at all. I rarely held a baby, probably about as much as you did lol and was a little frightened of them and had no idea WTF to do with Abby when I first held her. I never babysat. I had no Mommy instinct. All I knew was that I wanted a daughter or a son, not a baby. I knew up front that I would have to tough out the pregnancy/baby years to get to the part I wanted to experience which was adult children when I was older. So, you're not alone.