Truth or Envy

[SheHuLK]

i go thru the same thing ALL THE TIME Chinadoll... this old overweight friend of mine came to visit, and said i was looking anorexic only because she thinks 'healthy' for me is to be 140+ which would be fine with me if it were muscle, but thats not what she meant. ALL FAT, forget muscle in her book. then there's my dad who's a prick... says i'm psychotic with my eating habits b/c i drink protein shakes, go to the gym and lift weights 5 days a week, i count my calories, carbs, protein, etc.. and enjoy watching pumping iron and reading muscle mags. he says i've lost my mind and need help, he's ALWAYS trying to make me eat what he calls 'real food'... and besides -direct quote from my dad, the prick-"why do you want muscle anyway? women have no business growing all that muscle, they look like men".

 

[BigEasy]

Another loooong winded BE post.

If this person is truly obese, then there is probably an inadvertent reason for her comments. As I understand it, most people that are overly concerned with their looks, or that are obese, have a distorted body self image. In other words, what we see in the mirror (and sometimes project onto others) is not reality. What we see in the mirror is morphed into what we THINK we should see. If an individual has a generally negative outlook on life, and is chronically critical of their own body, chances are their body image is distorted. Also, I understand that a distorted body image doesn't just mean seeing 'fat' or 'skinny either. I know first hand that MANY extreme male bodybuilders see 'small' even with 6% body fat and Ronnie Coleman sized muscles reflected in the mirror! This is the same way an anorectic sees ‘fat’ while being emaciated.

To better determine interim progress go by the way your cloths fit, the looks you get, and (lastly and LEASTLY) the numbers on a scale or tape measure. Numbers are only symbols for units of measure, and are thus of very little importance to happiness.

Typically, happiness is achieved in the setting of realistic goals, working towards those goals in a deliberate method, and in making realistic progress in reaching the goals. Most of us are happiest when we KNOW that we are on target with our programs and working steadily to making progress.

Notice that I didn't say achieving the goal is happiness? The reason for that is because reaching the goal is nothing more than an indicator that it is time to get a NEW program to reach a HIGHER goal. It isn't time to quit, pack up, and walk away into the sunset never to return. Goals are nothing but mileposts and measuring tools themselves. What you do between the goals is what REALLY matters. Even if you NEVER reach your ultimate goal, you can be happy in knowing that you gave it your best shot and NEVER GAVE UP as long as the goal was realistic.

In the end, the admiring glances from those attracted to you and the jealous cuts from those competing for attention are better indicators of progress than someone’s ‘constructive criticism. Even so, focusing on others reactions for personal satisfaction will typically lead to disappointments. Consider what the average person thinks about what a professional bodybuilder or powerlifter must endure to prepare for a comp. Or the way they perceive us compared to a ‘normal’ person. We DON’T get much positive reinforcement from the ‘normal’ crowd. In the end, in my opinion, we MUST focus on working our plans and doing our personal best for our happiness. That way, we make our happiness and don’t depend on kind words from someone whose spouse has lost interest in them, that overslept and missed their morning shower, breakfast and coffee, and had to fight to get their girdle pulled on and zippers to zip when getting dressed. Not to mention getting ignored by the construction workers they walked by on their way into work.

 

[c3bodybuilding]

Ah yes, the insecure people of the world. They are EVERYWHERE. The people who always have a comment, when you are doing something to better yourself in any way. The truth is, these people are scared of change. They see you doing things in life, and in reality they are too insecure to better themselves in some way. They fear being 'left behind'. So they say hurtful, and untruthful things to make you feel bad about yourself. In the end, it just makes their fears come true, because you end up leaving them behind. Not because you are too busy though, because you don't have time for such negative energy. Such people are sad really.

I've dealt with tons of these people. The ones who told me I would never get big, put on muscle, or do anything with all of this. They laughed at all 144.5lbs of me, on my 6'3 frame. Well, now at 237lbs and growing, they no longer laugh, now I get told I am going 'too far', and if I get any bigger it will look disgusting. Same old story, same old people. Only I don't hear it that often. I choose to stay away from those people. I like being around positive, happy people, who add to my life, not take away.

There is nothing wrong with you. You probably look great, and the fact that you decided to make a change in your life, shows some incredible dedication and will power on your part. Your friend is just jealous of that, and tried to bring you down. It worked, because now you are questioning yourself. Don't let anyone do that to you. You progress so far seems GREAT. Keep at it, and all your goals will be completed.

ps. Oh, and as for Shehulk? yes both her old friend and father are both like that. they seem to thrive off negative. they both really have nothing going for them, so they need it I guess. But Shehulk doesn't need to worry about such things, I can say that her personal progress and dedication in the gym are nothing short of amazing. I am very proud of her, and she should be too!

 

[chinadoll]

Thanks to all of you, And Fhg to answer your question I am 5'5"
tall. I need to quit questioning myself. I see progress and my husband praises me everyday telling me how sexy I am and he always has. He stands beside me no matter what I decide to do. Right now I have decided to allow my body to naturally grow to its fullest potential. Kinda funny I started taking this whole getting fit just to prepare for vacation. Well we had to put vacation off but I am loving this whole experience. I have always played with the weights at home leg workouts were alway on the top of my list. Now I see myself measuring my bi's and chest and looking at my shoulder and back and wishing they would grow. To hell with the vacation I want to look like this year round.

Yall are such an inspiration.

Thanks

 

[FitFossil]

Get ready for more negative comments, evil stares, etc. Not to say there won't be many compliments too, but people are jealous, and women are the worst critics of their own gender. Not only are they jealous of your body, they're jealous of your strength - both physical AND mental. Women building muscle goes against society's expectations, and perhaps they're threatened by your independence and choice to do something different. Plus, anyone actually succeeding with diet and exercise is a rarity, and that by itself would be plenty to be jealous of.

 

[chinadoll]

I am used to the crazy stares and comments. See have been in Martial Arts for some time now and after broken bones and dislocated body parts bumps bruises and seeing me test for many brutal belt levels my coworkers and people around me ask Why do you pay for this? Are you crazy? But just like Body Building you have to love it to stay with it. You indure pain and pleasure at the same time. It just kinda bothered me that someone who know I worked soo hard to get where I am would tell me that I look aneroxic. I know I am not I just don't know how to respond to that statement without being overly rude.

 

[Arioch]

Wet your lips (that's my favorite part), stick out your tongue, close your lips around it, and BLOW HARD.

I'm not gonna say it.

 

[chinadoll]