Not trying to be a major dick, but why not have your gf design the cycle. It seems like she's pretty much got your life by the balls as it is bro. If you are commited to getting big and have come to the decision to juice, you owe it to yourself and her to be honest about whats important. If she says me or the gear, you have a decision to make, but atleast you won't be living a lie. You gotta make you happy, we all gotta realize that.