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How is your partner awful in bed?

Underwraps

Underwraps

New member
How is/was your partner awful in bed and what would you like them to do differently to improve your sexual relationship? And, was it the cause or is it a potential cause for breakup or infidelity?
 
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As a recently cheating wife these are the reasons the married men gave for why they were cheating. I can't try to put myself on higher ground, but in my case I was cheating for reasons beyond just lousy sex (that I didn't realize was lousy as I was young and naive) . I did year after year (15 total) try to tell him what I wanted. I do have other extenuating circumstances like children, economics, his very likely infidelity, his extremely rare yet emotionally damaging moments of physically going too far etc... (I remember the exact moment I snapped in my head that changed me forever.) Why not leave? My 1 broken heart and him being disrespected is still better than breaking the hearts of children and damaging them forever.
Anyway,
For the men, they gave these reasons why they cheated and many fall under "lousy in bed"- the thread topic. (I'm sure they had more, but wouldn't say.)
I'm trying to list them in order of most common reasons given to lesser common ones.

1) Bored- no passion. Wanted to feel the flames that light with someone new.
2) Life is too short to not enjoy, but can't/won't leave their marriages (usually kids involved).
3) Wife doesn't want sex much and to her sex is like a "chore". &/or Wife is neglecting him in other ways.
4) Wife doesn't want sex/can't have sex at all.
5) He wants to sow more wild oats and settle back down again. (loves wife)
6) Wife is too conservative such as -
-wife won't go down on him (doesn't know how to please in general)
-wife won't let him go down on her
- wife will only do much beyond missionary
7) Wife wouldn't do anal and they've always wanted to try.
8) Has various fantasies to act out that boring/conservative wife won't do.
Example fantasies: -Lingerie ones are almost universal (Having a woman show up in garter belts and no panty or just a lace thong etc...)
-Getting rimmed
-Having prostate stimulated by dildo (strap on fantasy)
-More dirty/wild sex than what's at home
etc...
9) They're are traveling through another town and so they simply can.
10) Looking to satisfy something missing/unfulfilled.
11) Wife has let herself go.
etc... Have any to add? What are some pitfalls men/women need to be aware of as far as what men/women want to help a relationship? Do you have unfulfilled wishes and fantasies?
 
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If you read my letter to Craigslist casual encounters of my region you'll know I'm threw with my outside adventures. But, I learned a lot and I'm wanting to share what people want to know but won't ask or won't tell. It's only my opinion and point of view and I'm sure there are women who like/love the things I think are awful bedroom behaviors. So, here's a list of the top things that turned me off about the men I encountered. These are not all seperate men as there were men who had multiple issues.

1) Bad breath (duh)
2) Can't stay hard (duh) with me on top so I had to finish him off. (He wasn't into me and I wish he just said so and spared me THAT awful 1st encounter.)
3) spanking
4) hair pulling that's too hard
5) creepy dirty talk esp. if it includes the word "daddy"
6) stiff fat tongue invasion kissing
7) darting or flicking snake tongue kissing
8) kissing that's ONLY tongue circling around tongue over and over -that's it???
9) playing with a woman's clit like they're polishing a penny and that's all they do the whole time
10) fat stomach slapping on my butt or having such ugly love handles that I didn't want to touch his body and is why he kept his shirt on the the whole time. (never again with a fatty, never again PERIOD though)
11) 1 minute of touching around the body and breasts and then straight to screwing for 20 minutes (my spouse and one of my lovers so there was no point to cheating with that guy)
12) 1 minute of touching and then going straight down to oral for 30 minutes w/o the ability or technique to bring me to orgasm though I tried to direct and he wouldn't listen (felt like an open clam and actually got boredwith the lack of creativity) He couldn't last long (3min) and so it was his way of making up for it. Poor guy.
13) Guys who can't hold back on a petite woman. I really hurt and I'd say "Ow!" and he didn't care b/c of his frustration at not being able to cum. He couldn't cum on 2 occasions out of the 4 encounters and had to go to the to shower finish off. Poor guy- issues for sure. I had to call it quits.
14) Shooting the breeze during sex like we're doing it over coffee at a cafe.
15) Not bringing/wearing a condom. (duh!)
16) Won't do oral but wants to receive it.
Not their fault: 17) Can't last long or stay hard. The record jizzer? 2 seconds. I kid you not!

Yes, I'm the resident former free whore. But, I want people to learn from my mistakes and insights so they don't have to overextend themselves like I did just to find out what is out there.
So, ladies, do hold back and test the waters as much as possible before giving it all away. Why did I not? That's the nature of a casual sex encounter- you don't know anything much until you meet somewhere and it's all or nothing. Awful, terrible way to learn and go about things. In the real world people date and you go base to base. Find out as much as you can before homerun...
 
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captainahole said:
I don't know what to say. YOu left me speechless.
to bad so sad?
Click to expand...

Yes, it is all too bad and too sad. Me and what I did, and the men involved. But, rather than keep things to myself and let others make the same mistakes or not know how women might think, I thought I'd offer insights. It all is coming out of a memoir I'm writing.
 
You have no ideahow helpful it is for me to hear ur story underwraps....

My partner does pretty well but lacks creativity and motion, it's usually me on top which I like but not 95% of the time in only that position, all else is pretty well, getting him to bed is the fail part... Im hoping this separation period (me in US and him in CR) helps a bit when we meet again...
 
nangiggles said:
You have no ideahow helpful it is for me to hear ur story underwraps....

My partner does pretty well but lacks creativity and motion, it's usually me on top which I like but not 95% of the time in only that position, all else is pretty well, getting him to bed is the fail part... Im hoping this separation period (me in US and him in CR) helps a bit when we meet again...
Click to expand...

Love goes a long way. It lasted me 15 years. I hope you are able to be open and honest with him. My spouse used to tease me too much- ruined the mood. Sex is about joking and doing it. You are lucky if you have sensuality.
 
Underwraps said:
Love goes a long way. It lasted me 15 years. I hope you are able to be open and honest with him. My spouse used to tease me too much- ruined the mood. Sex is about joking and doing it. You are lucky if you have sensuality.
Click to expand...
I am lucky if I have sex 3 times a month.... is it good? yes it is, but having to almost beg for it isnt :evil:
 
It's damn near impossible to find a completely compatable partner in bed if you want to have a relationship out of bed. Usually one suffers.
 
That's why I dont stray, if I take the step to cheat on him there's really no use in keeping him around if I dont even respect him anymore....
 
I think your expectations are too high...
I'm of the school where you please your guy 100 % and if you get off 50- 75 % well that's great. Like if it's just a quick and dirty just for him, well whatever I'm in for the ride but if I don't get off that's OK too.
Life isn't going to be perfect. If you're constantly correcting someone and telling them what to do that's a real downer you know? i think sex should be spontaneous, not a tutorial.
Some days will be good some days will be not so good, whatever.
We have so much fun and get along so well that I don't have time to pick him apart.
sorry...
 
captainahole said:
It's damn near impossible to find a completely compatable partner in bed if you want to have a relationship out of bed. Usually one suffers.
Click to expand...
I don't believe that at all!

I think the relationship outside of the bedroom is what nurtures/fuels/stokes the intimate relationship, but by the same token, the outside world often intrudes to the point that it interferes.

My current husband and I are absolute best friends, and have wonderful intimate compatibility -- and if we could be on vacation 365, would have at it to our hearts content. Unfortunately, we are not financially in that position and both of us react very badly to stress (neither of us are very good at getting out of our heads).

I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone I don't like/respect and still having good sex, mainly because, I was married to someone I was slowing beginning to dislike and disrespect and when it got to that point, I didn't want him touching me. I've had a couple of encounters were initially lust driven, but they were very brief, as soon as I got to know him (well, basically when he started to talk a little) I realized that there was such a huge disconnect mentally it completely turned me off.
 
trex74 said:
I think your expectations are too high...
I'm of the school where you please your guy 100 % and if you get off 50- 75 % well that's great. Like if it's just a quick and dirty just for him, well whatever I'm in for the ride but if I don't get off that's OK too.
Life isn't going to be perfect. If you're constantly correcting someone and telling them what to do that's a real downer you know? i think sex should be spontaneous, not a tutorial.
Some days will be good some days will be not so good, whatever.
We have so much fun and get along so well that I don't have time to pick him apart.
sorry...
Click to expand...

Actually, I tried to figure out how to edit the title to How is/was your partner awful in bed. You're right, you shouldn't be with someone if they're that incompatible in bed. I was hoping for responses from guys since it seems they stray more for physical reasons than emotional ones like women to give the women food for thought so their partners didn't stray for such simple reasons.- not that it would help much. Certain kinds of men will cheat for any reason maybe. Thanks for responding!

I stopped playing and my spouse is making more efforts, but it might be too little too late. I'm so disconnected romantically. I snapped and don't know if I can resnap. I'm in a conundrum that my mom was in....with a man who loves her, but that she did not romantically love anymore. My parents divorced...and just don't want to do that to my kiddos.
 
trex74 said:
I think your expectations are too high...
I'm of the school where you please your guy 100 % and if you get off 50- 75 % well that's great. Like if it's just a quick and dirty just for him, well whatever I'm in for the ride but if I don't get off that's OK too.
Life isn't going to be perfect. If you're constantly correcting someone and telling them what to do that's a real downer you know? i think sex should be spontaneous, not a tutorial.
Some days will be good some days will be not so good, whatever.
We have so much fun and get along so well that I don't have time to pick him apart.
sorry...
Click to expand...

I think when you have that kind of mutual adoration for each other that it goes a long way. I want to change the title to how was/were your partner(s) awful in bed, not refering to current partners you're happy with. Was hoping men would answer as they stray more for purely physical reasons. For women, if he taps into the emotional part of the brain, it's almost all we need. I agree.
 
nangiggles said:
I am lucky if I have sex 3 times a month.... is it good? yes it is, but having to almost beg for it isnt :evil:
Click to expand...

I wrote out a whole reply and I got a glitch that wouldn't let me submit. Grr...

What are some physical/health issues that might be affecting him? Is he exhausted from work? I thought most men averaged at least once every 10 days. Men in their 20s and 30s I think like it 2/3 times a week on average. Hmmm...I'm glad it's good when he is into it. Have you ever asked why he's not more into it? What does he say? Tired?
 
Underwraps said:
I wrote out a whole reply and I got a glitch that wouldn't let me submit. Grr...

What are some physical/health issues that might be affecting him? Is he exhausted from work? I thought most men averaged at least once every 10 days. Men in their 20s and 30s I think like it 2/3 times a week on average. Hmmm...I'm glad it's good when he is into it. Have you ever asked why he's not more into it? What does he say? Tired?
Click to expand...

He's 28, has been like this all the time (not at the begining, as usual with ML he was very horny at the begining) it's not a test or hormone issue, he even had a tribulis libido booster and same shit, he just doesnt develop the "apetite" he's like a damn chick, u gotta get him in the mood, if we are in bed and try to feel him up him he gets all pissed off about how I should respect him and his body :worried: we've had the talk and he has given dozens of excuses ranging from I'm not in the mood to I;ve been to stressed to Im too fat to ur too fat to Im to full Im too hungry, you name it he's said it, the sad part is when I met him I was very thin and attractive, he started to decline sex over and over and over again after we moved in together, about 8 months into the relationship I started to get pissed off and worked graveyard shift as he did too, in order not to feel rejected I just didnt wake up and sometimes slept for 12 hours, that and anxiety/poor choices led me to gain weight and many times I thought "why look good if he doest even touch me"it's been a long ordeal, this is the only aspect I can complaint about he is good in almost all other areas, I just decided to stop trying to have sex,most of the times I try get accepted now, but it's because I try only twice a month... everytime I try to start things up I get a horrible feeling he's gonna turn me down as usual.... that's why I dont try so much anymore.... hopefully these 3 or 4 months apart will help us reconnect, if not..... fucked for better or worse im used to it....
 
nangiggles said:
... hopefully these 3 or 4 months apart will help us reconnect, if not..... fucked for better or worse im used to it....
Click to expand...

Hmmm...yes, it may bring him back to how it was in the beginning. This is quite the conundrum. Could be some deep psychological reasons if not physiological ones that keep him at a low libido. Could have been a traumatic sexual experience when he was younger. Things like that can weird one out for life. You should try to get him to open up. Tell him about your weirdest experience. Also, do you know his deepest darkest fantasies? Get him to trust you that you won't freak out- and you shouldn't.

How open are you sexually? Through my cax encounters I came across a lot of eye opening things such as men who were surprisingly more open sexually than you might think. I stopped playing, but I do have one phone "friend" I keep around for company. He's a great listener and gives me advice then we talk dirty and do erotic chat and emails. He's in another state so it will never be physical and it's totally non-emotional. He's a conservative church going lawyer (liar liar pants on fire big time! -lol). Anyway, his biggest fantasies are to see his conservative wife with another woman or another man and even better, be involved. The wife likes women, but won't do it b/c of their religion. The lawyer would even "not mind" if the guy went down on him or did him from behind. Ummm..I'm like...dude, you are so at least 80/20. 80% into women, 20% into men. He has even used her toys on himself and LIKED it.

Anyway, would it freak you out to imagine if your man had bisexual tendencies? Have you tried fingering his ass to see how he'd respond? Start minor like rimming with your finger then try slipping it in while you're going down on him. Start small and go from there. Tell him to let you do it for you so he can pretend to not like it until he gets used to it.

I used to play the conservative innocent with my spouse because he asked me early into dating how many men I'd been with and because I had to stop and count on my fingers he was like "Oh my god!". I shut down ever since then, and tried to downplay being into sex. I thought if I revealed I was into naughty things, that he might think I'm slutty so I pretended to not like him going down on me for years. It was a conservative show- all lies. So, he stopped and then when I hit my dirty 30s finally and I wanted him to, he wouldn't do it. Maybe it was the challenge he liked, and not going down on me. ???? Anyway, we are trained to be so uptight about sex that we lie to ourselves and our partners about what we really want. Get him to open up, you start first and get as wild as you can about your fantasies so it frees him up...

Honestly, I think my spouse has known all along about my cheating and LIKED it like that lawyer guys would actually like it if his wife was with another man- as long as he's there too and it's NSA. One reason of about 100 that I cheated on my spouse is he couldn't stay hard anymore while I was on top. As soon as I started messing around- he had nooo problem. And, now that I've stopped and cut off my ties to all physical encounters, he's gone soft again. Hmmm... I'm going to give our marriage 1 good solid year of an honest effort and if I just can't get emotionally back in, AND he continues to stay soft, I'm going to phase 2- asking for an open relationship and something tells me he'd be okay with it. Sorry, this should be about you- but wanted to say you just NEVER KNOW what they really want because society says it's wrong.
 
nangiggles said:
He's 28, has been like this all the time (not at the begining, as usual with ML he was very horny at the begining) it's not a test or hormone issue, he even had a tribulis libido booster and same shit, he just doesnt develop the "apetite" he's like a damn chick, u gotta get him in the mood, if we are in bed and try to feel him up him he gets all pissed off about how I should respect him and his body :worried: we've had the talk and he has given dozens of excuses ranging from I'm not in the mood to I;ve been to stressed to Im too fat to ur too fat to Im to full Im too hungry, you name it he's said it, the sad part is when I met him I was very thin and attractive, he started to decline sex over and over and over again after we moved in together, about 8 months into the relationship I started to get pissed off and worked graveyard shift as he did too, in order not to feel rejected I just didnt wake up and sometimes slept for 12 hours, that and anxiety/poor choices led me to gain weight and many times I thought "why look good if he doest even touch me"it's been a long ordeal, this is the only aspect I can complaint about he is good in almost all other areas, I just decided to stop trying to have sex,most of the times I try get accepted now, but it's because I try only twice a month... everytime I try to start things up I get a horrible feeling he's gonna turn me down as usual.... that's why I dont try so much anymore.... hopefully these 3 or 4 months apart will help us reconnect, if not..... fucked for better or worse im used to it....
Click to expand...

Wow that sucks! Sorry to hear it.
 
I am VERY open about sexuality, he knows we can dirty talk, anal, tie up, bondage, S&M, etc and he has no interest, not even in just blow jobs, he doesnt like to be touched directly if he doesnt seem in the mood,, tried to go around anal area very gently almost mistakenly and did not like, he is very aware that the word NO will rarely or never come out of my mouth in the bedroom... he did have some issues with the first girl he slept with, he was 18 and she was 15, he didnt want to rush it but she did, after they did it she accused him of wanting her just for sex and pressuring her so she dumped him, I think that caused some serious psychological impact....
 
I think he just maybe a closet queer, really. Or I am just some freak who likes sex all the time and all the fun things you can do that revolve around eventually have sex...
 
well i am more interested in meeting more woman like you, who wants to meet someone who doesn't want sex?
 
nangiggles said:
I am VERY open about sexuality, he knows we can dirty talk, anal, tie up, bondage, S&M, etc and he has no interest, not even in just blow jobs, he doesnt like to be touched directly if he doesnt seem in the mood,,
Click to expand...

If your guy wont take blow jobs from you at the drop of a hat he has something wrong with his sex drive. Is he on anti depressants or something?
 
Does he masturbate? This is quite odd that someone at 28 isnt a sex fein. Maybe i'm just a sex fein and everyone else is average. But every time I see my gf we have sex. Her car was in the shop last week so I picked her up from work brought her to my house and brought her home. We have a great relationship outside of the bedroom so its not just sexual.
Have you tried watching porn together? It's hard to watch some good porn with the ole lady next to you tugging on your stuff and not get ready for pounding! What kind of hours is he working, what is his diet like and does he smoke/drink/drugs?

I went limp at like 20 for about 5 months and it completely killed me emotionally. I did a ton of research and figured out that smoking/drinking/fast food and a lot of good bud and cocaine wasn't a good sex coctail. Changed all of that and very shortly afterwards If I wasn't having sex I was wanting to watch some porn.
 
no odd diet no drinking or smoking, no porn together, only rarely if I insist, no medicaation, no blow jobs, he doesnt seem to like to get turned on, he does enjoy the physical act of sex though, I really dont know what it is, it's not biological Ill tell you that...
 
NinjaTurtles said:
thats craziness! does he get off when he's alone though?
Click to expand...

Yeah, good question. I think on average guys his age need to either have sex or do a "load" on their own at at least 2-3 times a week.

How is he about homosexual content in movies and such? Any really strong feelings could actually be an indication of his insecurity about his sexuality- or bring back bad memories of a pedophile (who are not necessarily gay). gay doesn't equal pedophile.

I'm stumped if it's not biological. What was the longest you went w/o and you not asking for it? Have your tried not ever asking for it to see how long you could go w/o and to see if he'd instigate it? Does he like watching you play with yourself? Does he think that's perverted or unclassy? Does he like to look at vaginas at all? Lingerie?

My college FWB was BI and I remember being the one to always instigate the sex. Once I got him going he'd be into it, but he never instigated it. He did go down on me out of the blue once, but it's cuz he had a perverted streak in him. It was the 1 night his sister came through town and was in the bedroom next door. Not sayin he had a think for sis, but that he was being NAUGHTY while sis was around was the turn on I think. There's all of attitudes when it comes to sex.
 
Underwraps said:
. I was hoping for responses from guys since it seems they stray more for physical reasons than emotional ones .
Click to expand...

Sometimes guys just feel the instinct to have a new partner. We are wired to spread our genetic code to as many women as possible for species survival. It's hard to get around your biological instincts. That's why so many men cheat.

A man could have the most perfect beautiful wife that he totally loves everything about her and he will still be thinking about other women sometimes simply because she's a new partner. Your man could be perfectly satisfied by you and he might still cheat, especially if a woman pursues sex with him. It's hard to turn down easy sex.
 
nangiggles said:
no odd diet no drinking or smoking, no porn together, only rarely if I insist, no medicaation, no blow jobs, he doesnt seem to like to get turned on, he does enjoy the physical act of sex though, I really dont know what it is, it's not biological Ill tell you that...
Click to expand...

I cannot even imagine turning down a blow job. Even a "bad" blow job feels good.
 
Can honestly say my girlfriend is about 95% perfect match for me in that arena. Don't even know what that 5% would be, off the top of my head, but I don't think anyone can be a 100% match. It's ridiculous, we bouth often laugh about how amazing the sex is without even trying to be "compatible". I'm sure that'll dwindle at some point, but it's been almost a year.
 
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