How is your partner awful in bed?

[trex74]

I think your expectations are too high...
I'm of the school where you please your guy 100 % and if you get off 50- 75 % well that's great. Like if it's just a quick and dirty just for him, well whatever I'm in for the ride but if I don't get off that's OK too.
Life isn't going to be perfect. If you're constantly correcting someone and telling them what to do that's a real downer you know? i think sex should be spontaneous, not a tutorial.
Some days will be good some days will be not so good, whatever.
We have so much fun and get along so well that I don't have time to pick him apart.
sorry...

 

[musclemom]

It's damn near impossible to find a completely compatable partner in bed if you want to have a relationship out of bed. Usually one suffers.

I don't believe that at all!

I think the relationship outside of the bedroom is what nurtures/fuels/stokes the intimate relationship, but by the same token, the outside world often intrudes to the point that it interferes.

My current husband and I are absolute best friends, and have wonderful intimate compatibility -- and if we could be on vacation 365, would have at it to our hearts content. Unfortunately, we are not financially in that position and both of us react very badly to stress (neither of us are very good at getting out of our heads).

I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone I don't like/respect and still having good sex, mainly because, I was married to someone I was slowing beginning to dislike and disrespect and when it got to that point, I didn't want him touching me. I've had a couple of encounters were initially lust driven, but they were very brief, as soon as I got to know him (well, basically when he started to talk a little) I realized that there was such a huge disconnect mentally it completely turned me off.

 

[Underwraps]

I think your expectations are too high...
I'm of the school where you please your guy 100 % and if you get off 50- 75 % well that's great. Like if it's just a quick and dirty just for him, well whatever I'm in for the ride but if I don't get off that's OK too.
Life isn't going to be perfect. If you're constantly correcting someone and telling them what to do that's a real downer you know? i think sex should be spontaneous, not a tutorial.
Some days will be good some days will be not so good, whatever.
We have so much fun and get along so well that I don't have time to pick him apart.
sorry...

Actually, I tried to figure out how to edit the title to How is/was your partner awful in bed. You're right, you shouldn't be with someone if they're that incompatible in bed. I was hoping for responses from guys since it seems they stray more for physical reasons than emotional ones like women to give the women food for thought so their partners didn't stray for such simple reasons.- not that it would help much. Certain kinds of men will cheat for any reason maybe. Thanks for responding!

I stopped playing and my spouse is making more efforts, but it might be too little too late. I'm so disconnected romantically. I snapped and don't know if I can resnap. I'm in a conundrum that my mom was in....with a man who loves her, but that she did not romantically love anymore. My parents divorced...and just don't want to do that to my kiddos.

 

[Underwraps]

I think your expectations are too high...
I'm of the school where you please your guy 100 % and if you get off 50- 75 % well that's great. Like if it's just a quick and dirty just for him, well whatever I'm in for the ride but if I don't get off that's OK too.
Life isn't going to be perfect. If you're constantly correcting someone and telling them what to do that's a real downer you know? i think sex should be spontaneous, not a tutorial.
Some days will be good some days will be not so good, whatever.
We have so much fun and get along so well that I don't have time to pick him apart.
sorry...

I think when you have that kind of mutual adoration for each other that it goes a long way. I want to change the title to how was/were your partner(s) awful in bed, not refering to current partners you're happy with. Was hoping men would answer as they stray more for purely physical reasons. For women, if he taps into the emotional part of the brain, it's almost all we need. I agree.

 

[Underwraps]

I am lucky if I have sex 3 times a month.... is it good? yes it is, but having to almost beg for it isnt

I wrote out a whole reply and I got a glitch that wouldn't let me submit. Grr...

What are some physical/health issues that might be affecting him? Is he exhausted from work? I thought most men averaged at least once every 10 days. Men in their 20s and 30s I think like it 2/3 times a week on average. Hmmm...I'm glad it's good when he is into it. Have you ever asked why he's not more into it? What does he say? Tired?

 

[nangiggles]

I wrote out a whole reply and I got a glitch that wouldn't let me submit. Grr...

What are some physical/health issues that might be affecting him? Is he exhausted from work? I thought most men averaged at least once every 10 days. Men in their 20s and 30s I think like it 2/3 times a week on average. Hmmm...I'm glad it's good when he is into it. Have you ever asked why he's not more into it? What does he say? Tired?

He's 28, has been like this all the time (not at the begining, as usual with ML he was very horny at the begining) it's not a test or hormone issue, he even had a tribulis libido booster and same shit, he just doesnt develop the "apetite" he's like a damn chick, u gotta get him in the mood, if we are in bed and try to feel him up him he gets all pissed off about how I should respect him and his body we've had the talk and he has given dozens of excuses ranging from I'm not in the mood to I;ve been to stressed to Im too fat to ur too fat to Im to full Im too hungry, you name it he's said it, the sad part is when I met him I was very thin and attractive, he started to decline sex over and over and over again after we moved in together, about 8 months into the relationship I started to get pissed off and worked graveyard shift as he did too, in order not to feel rejected I just didnt wake up and sometimes slept for 12 hours, that and anxiety/poor choices led me to gain weight and many times I thought "why look good if he doest even touch me"it's been a long ordeal, this is the only aspect I can complaint about he is good in almost all other areas, I just decided to stop trying to have sex,most of the times I try get accepted now, but it's because I try only twice a month... everytime I try to start things up I get a horrible feeling he's gonna turn me down as usual.... that's why I dont try so much anymore.... hopefully these 3 or 4 months apart will help us reconnect, if not..... fucked for better or worse im used to it....

 

[Underwraps]

... hopefully these 3 or 4 months apart will help us reconnect, if not..... fucked for better or worse im used to it....

Hmmm...yes, it may bring him back to how it was in the beginning. This is quite the conundrum. Could be some deep psychological reasons if not physiological ones that keep him at a low libido. Could have been a traumatic sexual experience when he was younger. Things like that can weird one out for life. You should try to get him to open up. Tell him about your weirdest experience. Also, do you know his deepest darkest fantasies? Get him to trust you that you won't freak out- and you shouldn't.

How open are you sexually? Through my cax encounters I came across a lot of eye opening things such as men who were surprisingly more open sexually than you might think. I stopped playing, but I do have one phone "friend" I keep around for company. He's a great listener and gives me advice then we talk dirty and do erotic chat and emails. He's in another state so it will never be physical and it's totally non-emotional. He's a conservative church going lawyer (liar liar pants on fire big time! -lol). Anyway, his biggest fantasies are to see his conservative wife with another woman or another man and even better, be involved. The wife likes women, but won't do it b/c of their religion. The lawyer would even "not mind" if the guy went down on him or did him from behind. Ummm..I'm like...dude, you are so at least 80/20. 80% into women, 20% into men. He has even used her toys on himself and LIKED it.

Anyway, would it freak you out to imagine if your man had bisexual tendencies? Have you tried fingering his ass to see how he'd respond? Start minor like rimming with your finger then try slipping it in while you're going down on him. Start small and go from there. Tell him to let you do it for you so he can pretend to not like it until he gets used to it.

I used to play the conservative innocent with my spouse because he asked me early into dating how many men I'd been with and because I had to stop and count on my fingers he was like "Oh my god!". I shut down ever since then, and tried to downplay being into sex. I thought if I revealed I was into naughty things, that he might think I'm slutty so I pretended to not like him going down on me for years. It was a conservative show- all lies. So, he stopped and then when I hit my dirty 30s finally and I wanted him to, he wouldn't do it. Maybe it was the challenge he liked, and not going down on me. ???? Anyway, we are trained to be so uptight about sex that we lie to ourselves and our partners about what we really want. Get him to open up, you start first and get as wild as you can about your fantasies so it frees him up...

Honestly, I think my spouse has known all along about my cheating and LIKED it like that lawyer guys would actually like it if his wife was with another man- as long as he's there too and it's NSA. One reason of about 100 that I cheated on my spouse is he couldn't stay hard anymore while I was on top. As soon as I started messing around- he had nooo problem. And, now that I've stopped and cut off my ties to all physical encounters, he's gone soft again. Hmmm... I'm going to give our marriage 1 good solid year of an honest effort and if I just can't get emotionally back in, AND he continues to stay soft, I'm going to phase 2- asking for an open relationship and something tells me he'd be okay with it. Sorry, this should be about you- but wanted to say you just NEVER KNOW what they really want because society says it's wrong.

 

[goin on 4T]

He's 28, has been like this all the time (not at the begining, as usual with ML he was very horny at the begining) it's not a test or hormone issue, he even had a tribulis libido booster and same shit, he just doesnt develop the "apetite" he's like a damn chick, u gotta get him in the mood, if we are in bed and try to feel him up him he gets all pissed off about how I should respect him and his body we've had the talk and he has given dozens of excuses ranging from I'm not in the mood to I;ve been to stressed to Im too fat to ur too fat to Im to full Im too hungry, you name it he's said it, the sad part is when I met him I was very thin and attractive, he started to decline sex over and over and over again after we moved in together, about 8 months into the relationship I started to get pissed off and worked graveyard shift as he did too, in order not to feel rejected I just didnt wake up and sometimes slept for 12 hours, that and anxiety/poor choices led me to gain weight and many times I thought "why look good if he doest even touch me"it's been a long ordeal, this is the only aspect I can complaint about he is good in almost all other areas, I just decided to stop trying to have sex,most of the times I try get accepted now, but it's because I try only twice a month... everytime I try to start things up I get a horrible feeling he's gonna turn me down as usual.... that's why I dont try so much anymore.... hopefully these 3 or 4 months apart will help us reconnect, if not..... fucked for better or worse im used to it....

Wow that sucks! Sorry to hear it.

 

[nangiggles]

I am VERY open about sexuality, he knows we can dirty talk, anal, tie up, bondage, S&M, etc and he has no interest, not even in just blow jobs, he doesnt like to be touched directly if he doesnt seem in the mood,, tried to go around anal area very gently almost mistakenly and did not like, he is very aware that the word NO will rarely or never come out of my mouth in the bedroom... he did have some issues with the first girl he slept with, he was 18 and she was 15, he didnt want to rush it but she did, after they did it she accused him of wanting her just for sex and pressuring her so she dumped him, I think that caused some serious psychological impact....

 

[goin on 4T]

I think he just maybe a closet queer, really. Or I am just some freak who likes sex all the time and all the fun things you can do that revolve around eventually have sex...