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bodypump2 said:
Hey bodypump, know how you feel. You feel good, normal, etc....but its still "there". I'm 23, I feel too young and probably and too inmature to be dealing with this right now. Telling people you have HIV is ten times worse than coming out of the closet. Men in my family don't really worry and do for themselves, we try to fix everyone else. I like to help others out, it hurts me to see them suffer and I feel good to make them better. But, it breaks my heart and I can't do anything when others worry about me....I absolutely and utterly hate it. When I was diagnosed I literally told my doctor "I don't care about me, its hurting everyone else that makes me hurt"....I'm not worried about me. I'll live or I'll die, my experience is mine and thats that....when I'm gone there's nothingness or there's hopefullly heaven. But, what pains me immeasurably is others having to worry about me or think about me.
I've only told my boyfriend, its been three months....I don't know what to do from now. I'm still in denial to a large degree I think. I can't really describe the feeling of hearing that my test results came back positive, it was surreal...didn't really cry all that much. I just kept thinking that there was some mixup, but at the same time knowing 100% that it was true...I know that doesn't make sense. I think that what I'm saying is the disjuncture between reality and perception of the virus.
Since diagnosis, I feel fine...I have a lot of gas, my boyfriend complains about that....but thats about it. I'm normally depressed between november and february, so I really don't feel any different this year. The longer days are coming and my mood is starting to lift and my viral load is going down, so I'm feeling even better in that way. I take drugs for chronic depression (started before HIV) as well as my HIV meds, so I do wonder what the long term effect of all these substances will be.
I haven't really dealt with any of the negative ramifications of the disease so I have no horror stories to tell, just the psychological weight of what its like to get up everyday with this thing in your blood. I love hockey and am going to start playing ice hockey again this summer to get ready for the winter next year, thats one thing that HIV has motivated me to do....and everytime I feel down I realize how lucky I am to have this disease now instead of 25 years ago, but at the same time I am scared. Of what exactly I don't know....but please don't feel sorry for me...thats silly and futile. Donate time and money if you wanna do or feel something. I'm just one person with a specific challenge,whats so damn unique about that....I'm no tragic snowflake. Hug your kids, wife, sister, girlfriend, boyfriend, dog or whatever and tell them that you love them....thats a lot better use of your energy. Have a good day
I would first off like to commend everyone who's shared their story, you are all truly strong and inspirational people. Alan I especially admire your drive and commitment to getting out there and educating young people about this affliction. It's unfortunate but it seems even today that the knowledge of HIV and AIDS is still lacking.
I am most impressed at how well everyone that's shared a story seems to have adjusted to their situation, in the light of tradgedy comes hope and rebirth, this is a prime example of this. It would be real easy to just throw your hands up in the air and give up but it takes real strength to not only endure but to come away from it stronger.
Once again, thank you all for sharing, this shit should be on lifetime....
I am most impressed at how well everyone that's shared a story seems to have adjusted to their situation, in the light of tradgedy comes hope and rebirth, this is a prime example of this. It would be real easy to just throw your hands up in the air and give up but it takes real strength to not only endure but to come away from it stronger.
Once again, thank you all for sharing, this shit should be on lifetime....
I'm thinking about cleaning up this big 'ol thread and making it a sticky. I didn't think that we would get really good answers and I was at one time ready to delete the entire thread. Now I want to clean it up and bump it.
Thanks! Alan Chiras.
Thanks! Alan Chiras.
linebackerbare
New member
hiv is SO retro!
and it still sux
and it still sux
squatmonkey
New member
Thanx for sharing your story and keep up the progress
pappad
New member
Great stories!!! I am not HIV+ but I go to a Dr. for joint pain that is very Pro Steroid for HIV. Here is another guy that has a great story about his use of steroids to combat HIV. http://www.outsmartmagazine.com/issue/i03-00/nelson.html
Peace!
Peace!
