Help! - Married at Home Love at Work???

[johnnylax]

do you think this is just a 'grass is greener' thing? and are you bored with your marriage/wife/

 

[EnderJE]

Rather then listen to us (who aren't really in your position), when not get a counselor to talk it through? They'll be alot closer and would be more equipped to help out, no? BTW, pictures of both women?!

 

[Hellawulf]

Me too, me too...

I am just freaking scared to be alone for the rest of my life. Or worse yet, the creepy old guy trying to find someone.

Oh, one more thing. Aside from hurting people, etc. Office girl also says that she is terrified of hurting me and things not going well for us after i have uprooted my life. I dont get it, nothing in life is guaranteed.

I knew this was your fear, I could tell... its the only reason nonsexual relationships draw out longer than they are supposed to, especially when someone feels this way. If this is the reason you are staying with her, you MUST leave. These are my opinions, I haven't been married, but from what I've experienced through long term relationships and from what I've heard this seems to be the case with a lot of couples. Its leave or fix it... but getting back to my usual cocky sexual self... go in there grab her hair, rip off her shirt and suck on a tit, make it so close to rape it scares the shit out of her, drag her up to your bed throwing her against a wall a few times along the way making out with her hard, then throw her on the bed, then destroy... seriously, this might save your relationship.

 

[nangiggles]

So I tried to start the conversation with my wife about what i feel like is missing in our relationship. she immediately went to tears (which kills me) and just didnt understand.

Office girl says that she has never been so upset in her life to hear how upset my wife is and how upset her fiance is. She says she doesnt know if she hurt these people this way and that maybe we should just do whatever makes everyone else most happy.

Then of course she texted me this weekend saying how much she mosses me and how much she wishes there was a way she wishes that this could work.

My wife has gone from sad to happy to totally angry the past few days. I probably havent helped the anger since i have been acting pretty stand-off-ish given the stress of the situation.

As far the sex life is concerned - it has been this way for years. We have talked about it over and over again and she says it will change and it only does for about 2 weeks. Then back to usual.

Yes, we are 28 and 30 years old and come home, watch tv, and go to bed. Unless if its a saturday night and she's drunk. it's not happening.

They aways try to change but they can't it's not in them, they work different... as I mentioned I am in the same boat as you, I've ben "sex strved" for months and I get how you feel, personally I have made peace with the fact I'm probably gotta have sex just once a month... am I happy about it? do I like it? of course not, I'd have sex every day but my partner is not like that, dont even think of the office chick, concentrate on your wife and your current issues, and think to yourself "if this is the way it's gonna be, if I'm gonna have sex just once a month or less often than that, do I still wat to stay?" THAT kind sir is what you need to figure out.... I used to post here and it made me feel better but sometmes made me feel worse...
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlclashing

Good luck sweetie

 

[cindylou]

You guys always given me good advice so here goes.

I'm 30, been married for 3 years (same woman from college 10 years ago). My wife is beautiful, puts up with my shit, and doesn't have an enemy in the world.

I am immature, get a lot of attention from women, and have a habit of never being home. I'm either at work, at the gym, or out with co-workers.

I love my wife and want to do nothing that could even come close to hurting her.

Now here comes the bad part. I started working here 2.5 years ago. First day in I meet this beautiful girl who is a couple years younger than me. We became great friends off the bat. 2.5 years go by and everyday I think to myself that I am obsessed with her (but i am married and she is engaged). A month ago it all came out. She told me that she thinks about me 24 hrs. a day just like i had been with her.

Nothing physical has happened, we have just told each other how we feel.

This weekend she decided to break up with her fiance and he guessed me immediately.

Now I'm at a crossroads. I have this beautiful, kind woman at home but all I can think about is the one I work with. I feel like a total piece of shit and that I need to make a choice quickly. Not sure I should even be married at this point....

Thanks for any advice you guys have...

You are at a fork in the road arent you? You have a choice to make. You took vows with your wife that you would love her and forsake all others. Now its just up to your character. Life is NOT about making yourself happy for the sake of hurting your own family. If you do have a conscience you will live to regret this decision.

 

[nangiggles]

Damn it.... going back to that website made me get teary, it has been months maybe over a year that I logged in, I have it in my favorites and see the link all the time but cant get the courage to go back.... what made me sad was to see ellow posters still in the same situation, mismatched libido is a very dangerous thing to a relationship, unless counseling is seeked very few cases get better, ur wife will try to change and so will you, but OT on your own, not on this issue, seek help, if you fail you know you tried your best if you suceeed you'll be happy.... I hate giving advice I dont follow....

 

[hwydopehound]

you need to go to a counselor with your wife. Telling us about these issues will not solve them. Honestly, you are not being a man about all of this. If you were handling it like a man, you'd take these issues to a counselor so your wife see's it from another point of view. Trust me, your counselor will not like the idea of you and your wife having sex once a month, mine was pissed. Now we have sex as often as we can. Not because it pleases me, but because we are more in love with each other than ever before. As far as issues and things that get on your nerves, let me promise you the new chick will have them too. I bet there was a time when you didn't think your wife had the issues that you have now discovered. Now that I have said my piece, I'm patiently waiting on yours. I hope you make the right decision and stay with your wife.. OH, and if you keep it up with the other chick you can kiss your marriage goodbye. You cannot have your cake and eat it too.

 

[straitedge52]

I can tell you from past experience that now is the time to "Man Up" and put as much effort into your marriage as you do anything else worthwhile. The sex will come if you get back into your wife's heart. Plan a trip to an exotic place..romance her like you did when it was new. Find something that you both enjoy and work at it as a team. Make new married friends.

I can tell you this...don't leave your wife for the office girl. If you want to end your marriage....break clean with no outside influence and plan to be alone for at least a year. After that year you will learn to like yourself again. If you aren't prepared to do "alone"...stay married and work it out.

 

[jbevins18]

The thing is you have been with your wife for a very long time you must love her there has to be something that attracted you to her. And for the sex thing if you guys are having problems then be a man and talk to her about them. I can almost guarantee that if you were to leave your wife for your office buddy you will regret it you shouldn't just give up on a relationship if you truly love the other person, I mean how do you know your gonna have a good relationship with your office buddy. And how would you feel if you found out your wife was going to do this to you I bet you'd be really hurt. All I'm trying to get at is if you and your wife are having problem talk to her about them, take her out to dinner spice your love life up a bit, DO SOME SPECIAL THINGS FOR HER!! make time for her. Nobody said marriage is going to be easy if you want it to work you gotta put that effort in it also there's always going to be temptation whether you go for it or realize what you have at home that's up to you. Now this is only advice whether you take it that's up to you but again you'd be heartbroken if your wife was doing this to you.

 

[Melaina]

I don't think he is in this thread anymore...