First day at clown college coming up soon...fuck I'm nervous

[supersizeme]

Just looking for some words of encouragement from all my bros here on EF. As most of you know, this has been a dream of mine ever since I was released from the Texas State Penetentiary at Huntsville for good behavior. I got my letter of acceptance from the Ronald McDonald School up in Omaha today in the mail. I opened it up, got squirted in the eye, and read the letter from Dean Floppypants telling me that I was in and will start classes in the spring. After crying with my family and honking noses for about a half hour, I called up my best friend and inspiration, Frosty, and shared the good news with him as well. But now it's starting to settle in, and I'm getting nervous about the whole deal. Guys, I'm so ready to take clowning to a new level, but I just don't know if I'll make it all the way through. Advanced Balloons at RMS supposedly has a 50% failure rate, and I just got a raise finally after three long years driving the ice cream truck. I sold the most bomb pops last month, which is what I think finally opened my supervisor's eyes and made him see what an asset I am. I so don't want to quit my job. So I'm going to be unloading my brown, Chevy Econoline van with no windows of all the Snickers bars, Rieces Pieces, Highlights magazines, and flavored lubricants that I have in there, packing it up with all my stuff, and driving north next Spring to make my family proud. Any advice you all can give me would be greatly appreciated.

Clown out.

 

[the nature boy]

good luck broly, the pressure is incredible. nobody wants to talk about it but the suicide rate at today's clown colleges has increased dramatically.

 

[supersizeme]

Thanks, Nb. I'm glad to see some serious responses here and that none of you are clowning me for this.

DarkWilkesBooth, I hear you on what you speak of conerning BoZo. He's the Fifty Cent of rapping clowns. You sound like you've been through RMS before. Did you graduate with clown honors?

 

[Raina]

Wow. Props to you SSME. RMS is one hardcore clown college. Their senior level honors mini-car driving program is renowned worldwide. It's hard for me to even admit this but last year RMS rejected me. My failure has caused me to be shunned by my family and friends. I worked so hard filling out my application. I even scented it with cotton candy cologne.

I guess I should just accept this rejection and realize that I'm just not cut out to be a clown. Hell, it wouldn't surprise me if next fall I'm trying to pay my way through some low-end ghetto community clown school. I'm hoping that by then I'll get a $0.30 raise on my JC Penny's paycheck and be livin' on something more than Pez and circus peanuts.

Sorry if my post is kind of a downer SSME, oh Prince of Fools....I suppose I'm just jealous that you're living my dream. Good Luck!!

 

[vinylgroover]

It's a tough course SSME. They kicked me out after failing face painting 101 twice. I didn't take it very well at all. It actually made me homicidal. My life's desire was to be a clown.

I hope you fare better than i.

- John Wayne Gacy

 

[supersizeme]

Thanks for the encouragement. If you were here, I'd shake your hand and laugh hysterically while you got the shit shocked out of you by the buzzing device in my hand.
So I guess the rumors are true that 99% of people rejected by RMS go on to spend the rest of their lives raising ferrets, doing needlepoint, and reading fantasy books in between shifts at JC Penny. Not to worry, once I graduate(God willing), I'll send you my card and promise to do your children's birthday parties for free. If your husband isn't around, I'll even let you snap my suspenders while I juggle chainsaws.

 

[supersizeme]

Are you trying to tell me that you are Ouchy himself? Do you like to make people laugh while you hurt them? Ouchy's big and fat. Please tell me that he is your boss.

 

[supersizeme]

 

[timewilltell]

I too did not meet up to standards at RMS especially with basic training which included doing sprints wearing 30 inch red clown shoes. I asked the clown instructor what the point of all this was and he told me it was good training when the mental wards would be chasing me or giving some bitchy customer a good old fashion ass kicking.

Did I tell you about the chick that took Advanced Hamburger Building 201? She was the only that aced especially after she screwed the proffessor, the Hamburglar dude. SHe said she couldnt resist that kinky black and white outfit and that freaky black mask.

Good luck dude

 

[Bigsatan13]

I heard all of the staff come to work in the same car.