Feeling Stuck

[ladymacbeth]

I've been working really hard lately, on a lot of things that DON'T have to do with working out. I feel pulled in a hundred different directions. I work so hard in school, at the gym, on the lit magazine I work for here, and I don't think that anyone appreciates this work except for me.

I think that something about that "what is an acceptable bf% for your girlfriend thread" that made me feel pretty crappy. I'm good at ignoring the status quo, I have no problems feeling attractive, and I think I carry my "unacceptable" bf really well. I like looking at myself in the mirror, I have lots of wonderful friends, I love to date guys, etc, etc...

So will anyone every appreciate the work I do. I'm an athlete. I swim hard all the time, I bike, I run, I play volleyball. But to hear someone gently say "With a little hard work, you too could get down to this acceptable weight" makes me want to pull my hair out. I ALREADY KNOW what hard work is.

So ladies, has anyone found a point in their lives where they were able to put all of this stuff behind them, at least partially? And if not, how do YOU deal with it?

I suppose I just want to know that somebody feels the same way. I'm not sad about this, as much as I am frustrated.

 

[ladymacbeth]

I don't make any money at the magazine, it's all volunteer work. I do a lot of volunteer work. I'm a college student. I don't really feel like I need very much money, I never have. I would like a pat on the back I suppose. But I know in the real world, that's just not possible.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm running on empty, and it's those times that I'm most sensitive to the "with a little hard work" kind of stuff. Nobody ever seems to tell anyone else that they're just doing a good job.

 

[Gladiola]

I don't think that anyone appreciates this work except for me.

If they don't appreciate you, stop helping them out.

I know it's MUCH easier said than done, but if there is any way that you possibly can stop helping those who don't appreciate it, I recommend it. If you are giving & giving & they are just taking & giving nothing in return - you don't gain from the situation -> only LOSE! Don't let people, things, or organizations SUCK YOU DRY - you have to PUT YOURSELF FIRST sometimes - especially if no one else is putting you first.

Fortunately my boyfriend told me this continually when I was teaching aerobics for a gym that was like a total cult. They were taking advantage of my willingness to go the extra mile, treated me like dirt, paid me crap (based on industry standards & my experience), just dumped on me, etc. It definitely was a situation where I was losing much more than gaining - so I'm on sabbatical from teaching & gained a nice amount of LBM . I'm thankful to my man, as well as other friends who said the same thing. I might not have taken the steps to be less self-depricating otherwise.

I think I carry my "unacceptable" bf really well. I like looking at myself in the mirror,

FUCK EM! I don't drop the F bomb too often online - but that is a load of shit. Who cares what anyone else says?! So long as you are healthy, YOU being pleased with YOUR body is the #1 most important thing. So many women aren't, so you are lucky that you are pleased. Hating yourself takes up too much damn energy. (I haven't read that thread tho, so I'm going on what you said here)

To hear someone say "With a little hard work, you too could get down to this acceptable weight"

Why would you let anyone else dictate to you what YOUR goals are? I'm right there with ya - I'm a healthy, fit bodyfat, nowhere near a "competition ripped" body fat. & I don't care. It's not worth it to me. I'd rather not go around hungry & have some time for a life (rather than all my strength workouts PLUS the cardio I would need on top of it).
Stepping off my soapbox

 

[Gladiola]

Gladiola is ON today.

Ha ha - yeah, I was wandering back into late night infomercial rant territory!
If you can't drop the volunteer work, at least cut back & try resisting going the extra mile - if that's at all possible.

I still teach aerobics for the 'cult' - but very few classes & help out subbing VERY rarely. I tell ppl, "I really really don't want to teach your class, but if you call everyone else & no one else can & you are absolutely stuck, I will." It's rare that I get a call back after that, but at least I don't feel guilty (leaving someone hanging just cuz I don't want to) & I also don't have to worry about her refusing to help me if I ever need it b/c I didn't help her.

 

[wyst]

For me, school was miserable until I stopped doing the things that gave me no rewards, and for me the rewards were feeling like I was doing something that I loved. I quit something that I was really good at (a college radio station) that was really politicized and unfun in terms of the sniping, backbiting, insults, egos and so on, and randomly took up something I had no experience at (working on a newspaper) but had a great group of people at it, and suddenly I went from working/school of 8-10 hours per day and no energy to working/school 12-20 hours a day and full of energy and very happy.

I'm an editor now, and wouldn't change it for the world. Don't get stuck in rut! Try something different, maybe. It can be scary and lonely, at first, but it's better than being stuck. Scary is just another way of saying exciting, the way I look at it.

Good luck!

Wyst

 

[Sassy69]

Especially in college its hard to feel like anyone cares about you - I was slave grad student in 2 diff disciplines and living on the shitty little stipend so I could afford Raman noodles & diet Coke between classes, training, working, studying, programming and occassionally passing out on my keyboard for some quality sleep.

The thing that keeps you going is that little piece of paper at the end of it all that says you had the cahonies to stay for 4+ years to finish your studies in order to pursue whatever it is you want to pursue. This is what you call "time logged" - its the slavery you go thru now so you can be appreciated later in life.

ok... the shit is getting so deep, I'm starting to not believe the above.

At the end of the day, you are the one who needs to appreciate what you are doing. Sure, its nice to get acknowledgement from others, but sometimes they are too wrapped in their own personal dramas that they don't say anything. That's not to say that they don't appreciate you. They just may not say it. If it makes you feel a little better, call in sick a few times or call in a few favors from others for some personal time for yourself. Those are the times you will find that those people suddenly realize how important you are to the big picture when you aren't there.

As far as how you look, bf, etc - you are the only one who can make yourself feel bad about your body, etc. Some people are just trying to be helpful. But in general, you know what your goals are & how hard you work for them so fuck the rest of the world. However, if you feel that you are not getting the results you want for all the work you are doing, it might be wise to examine what you are doing to see where it can be improved, because it ain't working w/ what you are doing now, regardless of how hard you do it. Sometimes its not the effort but the method.

On that note, the good news is that college passes relatively quickly in the big picture - compare those couple of years to having a suck ass job that you are roped into for the next 30 years. Its all relative!

 

[wyst]

On that note, the good news is that college passes relatively quickly in the big picture - compare those couple of years to having a suck ass job that you are roped into for the next 30 years. Its all relative!

Well, that's certainly uplifting!

LOL

But often true...

Wyst

 

[FitFossil]

College is a tough time. There're going to be many things you have to do, but if any of the optional things aren't fulfilling or aren't a good use of your time, then cut 'em loose. This includes so-called "friends" who are demeaning or unsupportive.

Even when you're out of college, you'll have to be choosy about where and with whom you spend your time and energy. This can be hard because so many things seem like a good cause, and EVERYONE wants a piece of your time. But remember, YOU TOO are a good cause. No matter how much $$ anyone has, we're all equal when it comes to hours in a day.

As for being appreciated, don't look for it to come from others. If it does, great, consider it icing on the cake. Some people show it better than others, but that doesn't mean it's not there. Rather, set your own goals and give yourself rewards. And DON'T feel guilty about giving yourself rewards because (I'll say it again ) YOU are your own good cause.

 

[TEXgrl]

ladymacbeth,

i know how you feel about not being appreciated, i go thru it all the time myself. i work full time, have an 8 year old, husband, second job part time, housework. sometimes life is just a thankless job, i guess.

as far as how you look, i feel the same way as you. i'll look in the mirror, and i'll feel real good about how i look. i'm not a fitness model either, and don't know that i would ever look like one for that matter, but i know how you feel. peoples comments can take away your self esteem and beat you down in just one sentence. just be proud of yourself and what you've accomplished and try not to let what other people say or think bother you. (when you get that figured out, you could shoot me a tip on it cause i worry all the time about what people think, but i try real hard not to do it)

 

[ladymacbeth]

Wow ladies, thanks for the replies! I stepped out for a second...gladiola, I think you're right on...I am still running a few errands, so I can't stop to comment too much, but keep the posts coming!!