Does SEX play a big role .............................

[Evil_Frisky]

How big of a role does Sex play in a relationship?

If your not pleased EVER do you think it could be enough to break that last straw and ruin a marriage? Some one very close to me is having some serious marital issues, taking some time apart and her husband is REALLY trying but she says she just doesn't think it will work...

Why?

Cause in the going on 12 years they've been together the Sex was horrible. IMO its kinda shallow to divorce because of Sex but what do I know, I never had complaints about sex with my X-husband.

I guess it also sucks in her situation because HE DOESN'T CARE if she gets the BIG O or not.

 

[SoKlueles]

I coudlnt be in a relationship that i wasnt attracted to the man.....and u gotta get the big O

 

[string_bean00]

I guess it also sucks in her situation because HE DOESN'T CARE if she gets the BIG O or not.

Hahahaha.



Some guys just for the nut and don't care about the girl.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

Hahahaha.



Some guys just for the nut and don't care about the girl.

Serious... its fucked up. And she tells him... BELIEVE ME..

 

[Dial_tone]

I got out of a relationship at least in part because of that. Had that been the ONLY thing wrong things might have worked out. I would've eventually had to get some relief from somewhere.

 

[jerseyart]

It was an important part of a recent relationship

But she had such a fine booty

And she could do this trick with her tongue..........

 

[Y_lifter]

If you don't have good sex, you had better have a whole lot of something else..

 

[jh1]

Wow... bad sex. Screw that...


Does her husband's name happen to be Hamster Shaver?

 

[Forge]

For me, good sex is a must in a long term relationship. Call it shallow, call it whatever, but good sex is something that draws a couple closer than anything else IMHO. Good sex is about trusting each other and taking care of each other. If you don't have good sex, it's most likely a symptom of a more serious problem (for your friend, the guy not caring about her orgasm is simply unacceptable and shows what he really values, and it's not her).

I broke up with a girl once because the sex was just boring, she was hot as hell but just not sexual in any way. I need that fire and passion or the relationship just feels like wasted time to me.

 

[velvett]

I guess it also sucks in her situation because HE DOESN'T CARE if she gets the BIG O or not.

Being a bad lover is not the same as being a selfish one.

If he doesn't care about her sexual pleasure there are probably other issues about her life that he doesn't give a shit about.

 

[velvett]

If you don't have good sex, it's most likely a symptom of a more serious problem (for your friend, the guy not caring about her orgasm is simply unacceptable and shows what he really values, and it's not her).

exactly

 

[Kroliczek]

Sex is fun in a relationship...it SHOULD be fun. But it is not crucial. I love sex: I would have sex 10 times a day if I had my way all the time. We have a lot of fun having sex. But if he is tired or if we are busy, we can enjoy our time together doing something else:
talking, laughing, drinking, smoking, ANYTHING ELSE.

The 'foundation' of a relationship had better be something more concrete than sex. If not, when the sex wains, the relationship will as well.

 

[hardrock]

Good a reason as any in my book. With my last girlfriend I couldn't break one off most of the time. Partly cause she gained so much weight and I wasn't physically attracted to her and the other part was she was kinda a dead fish.

What kind of prick doesn't even try to get his lady off? I won't even finish until my girl does.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

Being a bad lover is not the same as being a selfish one.

If he doesn't care about her sexual pleasure there are probably other issues about her life that he doesn't give a shit about.

True.. and now that she's at wits end, she said sure he's trying but the sexual attraction is near gone.

 

[Lady Viking]

I coudlnt be in a relationship that i wasnt attracted to the man.....and u gotta get the big O

.

 

[Sweet_Bitch]

Shallow nothing.

I dated this guy once, great guy-sweetest guy, my best friend. We had so much in commone and always had a great time together. But the sex SUCKED. Bad. I tried for a while to improve the situation but in the end I couldn't handle it. It made more sense to me keep the friendship and find a boyfriend that was good in bed, thus having the best of both worlds. (This of course did not work out, but it was a nice idea.) Seriously though, there is nothing worse then bad, unsatisfying sex. And I think some of the guys will even agree with that!! It is hard to tell someone that you are ending things-especially a marriage-over sex though. ANd yeah, to say it out loud does sound kind of shallow, but is she's unhappy then her happiness is more important. If all he wants is someone to get him off he can go buy a doll.

 

[hamstershaver]

sex is overrated

 

[SoKlueles]

sex is overrated

no its not, its feelings between two people.......strong lusty feelings

 

[hamstershaver]

no its me catching a nut qucik so i can go watch the game

 

[velvett]

True.. and now that she's at wits end, she said sure he's trying but the sexual attraction is near gone.

My gal pal is having the same problem and his behavior does lead into all aspects of their life.

It's ok for him to get off in bed but not her.
It's ok for him to go out with his friends but not her.
It's ok for him to go and come home whenever he gets there but not her.
It's ok for him to eat dessert and pasta but not her.
It's ok from him to not take care of their son (ie: feed & change diapers)but not her.
It's ok for him to put off the housework but not her.


She begged him to go to counseling and he said there's nothing wrong with him. Then she placed blame on herself trying to get him to go by saying that there's something wrong with her and that she need him to be there to understand what was wrong and why. You know what that fuckhead said, "that's not my problem".

I'm their son's Godmother and I'll be damned if I'll go to their house when he's home. I can't even look at him without taking a frying pan to his head - he took one of the strongest girls I know and put a huge crack in her soul and it breaks my heart.

 

[-SD-]

I dont know why sex is considered shallow, its a major part of being human. Afterall its how we keep our species going, sounds pretty damn important to me even if its relegated to recreational sex only. Its something wired in our brains and bodies and it can definetely be a deal breaker for a marriage.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

My gal pal is having the same problem and his behavior does lead into all aspects of their life.

It's ok for him to get off in bed but not her.
It's ok for him to go out with his friends but not her.
It's ok for him to go and come home whenever he gets there but not her.
It's ok for him to eat dessert and pasta but not her.
It's ok from him to not take care of their son (ie: feed & change diapers)but not her.
It's ok for him to put off the housework but not her.


She begged him to go to counseling and he said there's nothing wrong with him. Then she placed blame on herself trying to get him to go by saying that there's something wrong with her and that she need him to be there to understand what was wrong and why. You know what that fuckhead said, "that's not my problem".

I'm their son's Godmother and I'll be damned if I'll go to their house when he's home. I can't even look at him without taking a frying pan to his head - he took one of the strongest girls I know and put a huge crack in her soul and it breaks my heart.

It must be an epidemic. Sounds almost near exact shit she's dealing with.

My friend WAS a very strong woman also, and still is to other people, just real feeble when it comes to him.

 

[Sweet_Bitch]

My gal pal is having the same problem and his behavior does lead into all aspects of their life.

It's ok for him to get off in bed but not her.
It's ok for him to go out with his friends but not her.
It's ok for him to go and come home whenever he gets there but not her.
It's ok for him to eat dessert and pasta but not her.
It's ok from him to not take care of their son (ie: feed & change diapers)but not her.
It's ok for him to put off the housework but not her.


She begged him to go to counseling and he said there's nothing wrong with him. Then she placed blame on herself trying to get him to go by saying that there's something wrong with her and that she need him to be there to understand what was wrong and why. You know what that fuckhead said, "that's not my problem".

I'm their son's Godmother and I'll be damned if I'll go to their house when he's home. I can't even look at him without taking a frying pan to his head - he took one of the strongest girls I know and put a huge crack in her soul and it breaks my heart.

**SUCKS** I love my husband dearly, but he too has done some of these things to me and vice versa. (Although I hate to admit that!!) It's so frustrating and aggravating. I've also seen this happen to friends of mine and you're right-it's heart breaking. And the worst part is that there is nothing you can do except sit by and watch while your friend has the life sucked out of her.

 

[theoak01]

it was one of many factors in why I split with my ex,she used it as a tool and Id be lucky to get it once a month and only if she wanted it, and I would get bitched at for initiating anything sexually.

so yes it does matter,had sex never been had then no it doesnt matter,but once ya cross that line you cant use it as a tool.

fucked up thing is now we are apart she is trying to use me as a booty call,Bitch

 

[Dial_tone]

My gal pal is having the same problem and his behavior does lead into all aspects of their life.

It's ok for him to get off in bed but not her.
It's ok for him to go out with his friends but not her.
It's ok for him to go and come home whenever he gets there but not her.
It's ok for him to eat dessert and pasta but not her.
It's ok from him to not take care of their son (ie: feed & change diapers)but not her.
It's ok for him to put off the housework but not her.


She begged him to go to counseling and he said there's nothing wrong with him. Then she placed blame on herself trying to get him to go by saying that there's something wrong with her and that she need him to be there to understand what was wrong and why. You know what that fuckhead said, "that's not my problem".

I'm their son's Godmother and I'll be damned if I'll go to their house when he's home. I can't even look at him without taking a frying pan to his head - he took one of the strongest girls I know and put a huge crack in her soul and it breaks my heart.

I don't see how a strong woman lets herself be taken down that road to begin with.

 

[coverguy]

i think sex is very important in a relationship. the lack of physical intimacy can cause tension that can further exasperate any situation. i'm not sure if the lack of sex by itself should end a relationship, but that in conjunction with the arguements/fighting that will occur could be!

 

[Forge]

I don't see how a strong woman lets herself be taken down that road to begin with.

I don't understand it either, but I've seen it time and time again, it happens all the time. My ex was one of those strong women, and I admire her dearly for that. With a woman like that, the last thing you want to do is put her into a cage; let her free and reap the rewards!

 

[Evil_Frisky]

I don't see how a strong woman lets herself be taken down that road to begin with.

Believe me, neither do I... it takes everything in my power not to take her out back and beat some sense into her.

But I understand what you are saying. I wouldn't let anyone treat me that way for any peorid of time.

 

[danielson]

My gal pal is having the same problem and his behavior does lead into all aspects of their life.

It's ok for him to get off in bed but not her.
It's ok for him to go out with his friends but not her.
It's ok for him to go and come home whenever he gets there but not her.
It's ok for him to eat dessert and pasta but not her.
It's ok from him to not take care of their son (ie: feed & change diapers)but not her.
It's ok for him to put off the housework but not her.


She begged him to go to counseling and he said there's nothing wrong with him. Then she placed blame on herself trying to get him to go by saying that there's something wrong with her and that she need him to be there to understand what was wrong and why. You know what that fuckhead said, "that's not my problem".

I'm their son's Godmother and I'll be damned if I'll go to their house when he's home. I can't even look at him without taking a frying pan to his head - he took one of the strongest girls I know and put a huge crack in her soul and it breaks my heart.

ughh....I'd rather be single or have a mail order bride than put up with that for life. what a great male role model he will be...



for me while sexual relations are important in a realtionship, it would depend on what i wanted for the relationship. if it were limited to just gf-bf I would want a large amount of hedonism in it, purely because at that stage ofmy life its gonna be fun, i will enjoy it and thats probably what the realtionship is supposed to have

marriage....it wont be as important. while i would want to still have sex, if she was bad in bed etc, as long as she was still trying to fulfill my needs and mine hers that would be enough. Marrying a girl who;s good in bed wont mean shit when your 65, have limp dick and live alone in the country, then its ALL about your relationship and whether you want to talk to the person everyday

 

[velvett]

I don't see how a strong woman lets herself be taken down that road to begin with.

You know that's something I would say and have (still would) but what we think we would do, would actually do and have done verses looking into someone else's glass house can't be compared. (men do this too btw)

They had a fairy tale wedding, house, job and newborn so she wants to make it work. I guess you sacrifice a little bit of yourself every time you try and make things better with a brick wall.

 

[milo hobgoblin]

I wouldnt even consider being with a woman who wasnt very sexually attracted to me and WANTED to have sex often.

Sex is the glue that binds a relationship together... keeps you happy when thing are rough. When sex goes.. everything else for a man starts to fall apart.. he will become resentful and selfish about everything else in his life.

 

[Lestat]

sex is not the most important issue in a relationship, but it is certainly important. You have to have sexual chemistry, its gotta be fun.

 

[gotmilk]

Cause in the going on 12 years they've been together the Sex was horrible.

12 years is a long time. What exactly was it that attracted her to the guy in the first place? His wallet? His sexy lazy eye?

I mean..if it sucked so bad...what led to their getting married in the first place?

 

[Testosterone boy]

How big of a role does Sex play in a relationship?

If your not pleased EVER do you think it could be enough to break that last straw and ruin a marriage? Some one very close to me is having some serious marital issues, taking some time apart and her husband is REALLY trying but she says she just doesn't think it will work...

Why?

Cause in the going on 12 years they've been together the Sex was horrible. IMO its kinda shallow to divorce because of Sex but what do I know, I never had complaints about sex with my X-husband.

I guess it also sucks in her situation because HE DOESN'T CARE if she gets the BIG O or not.

Many women are incapable of orgasm with a male. Perhaps she ought to look at herself some but that might not be her nature.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

12 years is a long time. What exactly was it that attracted her to the guy in the first place? His wallet? His sexy lazy eye?

I mean..if it sucked so bad...what led to their getting married in the first place?

Same thing I asked her. Did the sex just go down hill, and if so why cant something be done to get the spark back? She said the sex was NEVER good..

He's not rich, and for most of their marriage didn't keep a job, (had an ok one now). To be perfectly honest, I don't know why the hell she married him much less wasted 12 years.

I honestly think it was a "married early to get away from home" convience thing. Also a rebound relationship.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

Many women are incapable of orgasm with a male. Perhaps she ought to look at herself some but that might not be her nature.

well... that is true. I don't think thats her problem, though. Just from what shes told me anyway

 

[jerseyart]

If I recall correectly there was more to their history though.

Sometimes when that bond is broken, can't get it back.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

If I recall correectly there was more to their history though.

Sometimes when that bond is broken, can't get it back.

Yes, an on-going thing with them, for years. And that was her words exactly, she can't get the sexual attraction back.

 

[strongsmartsexy]

I don't see where leaving a "monogomous" relationship for lack of sex is shallow. In a monogomous relationship the parties agree to only have sex with one another and not anyone else. Or at least that seems to be how it breaks down overall.

What's really screwed is that if at some point one or the other begins withholding sex in that monogomous relationship. Bad move. Whatever is causing the lack of intimacy needs to be worked on by both parties. But, just stopping having sex with your mate in a monogomous relationship is HUGELY bad. It's as bad as stopping communication with your mate. At that point you really have to take a hard look at what your relationship really is.

 

[cutitup]

K, i have always been a woman pleaser- a true Virgo- i look after ALL of her needs and then some every nite all the time- i enjoy it and so does she and in the end i get whatever i want back because she is crazy horny after that- it works its fun and well kitty does deserve some lookin after or someone else will!!!!!! i have never had women problems because of the way i am and unless u really enjoy seeing her get off then it is useless because u have to put yer heart in to it!!!!

cheers all the kitty's out there- keep em shaved and smooth for guys like me--oops i am married but there are others like me!

 

[Austin316]

Thank god Ive had no trouble ever inducing the big O lol, and yes I do care its priority #1, mines # 2 lol

 

[DIVISION]

How big of a role does Sex play in a relationship?

Sex plays a major role. If your friend has never been pleased sexually with her boyfriend and subsequent husband, why the fuck did she marry him in the first place?!?!?! Of course there is more to a relationship than sex, but it's a pretty dynamic aspect. This isn't a revelation, she hasn't been having orgasms since the time she's known him, so why NOW is she wanting out?

What's poppin'???



DIV

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

Would you be able to hold off on sex with your partner forever? That's what I thought. It plays a vital part. Especially today. Pretty much all relationships start after sex.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

Sex plays a major role. If your friend has never been pleased sexually with her boyfriend and subsequent husband, why the fuck did she marry him in the first place?!?!?! Of course there is more to a relationship than sex, but it's a pretty dynamic aspect. This isn't a revelation, she hasn't been having orgasms since the time she's known him, so why NOW is she wanting out?

What's poppin'???



DIV

Emotionally, at the beginning he was there for her. The relationship deteriorated shortly after the first year. Her first of three children were born in that first year and shes tried to hold on and "make" it work.

Her reason for wanting "out" Isn't just because of the sex, there are alot of deeper issues. But she has said that despite how hard she tries and how much she wants to make things work, SEX plays a big role in wanting to move on.

 

[gregory]

So if sex so incredibly important to everyone, what would happen if your soulmate fell ill and could not have sex? Or suffered with a complete irreversivble loss of desire? What would happen to your soulmate then? Would he/she still be your soulmate? From the respnses here i guess eveyrone would move on in short order, and that would unmask the shallowness of the relationship in the first place, shallowness that was masked and dressed up with fake love and promises.

 

[gregory]

In other words there is no answer to this question. It plays as a big a role as you want it to play. It's only as important as it is to YOU.

 

[Kroliczek]

So if sex so incredibly important to everyone, what would happen if your soulmate fell ill and could not have sex? Or suffered with a complete irreversivble loss of desire? What would happen to your soulmate then? Would he/she still be your soulmate? From the respnses here i guess eveyrone would move on in short order, and that would unmask the shallowness of the relationship in the first place, shallowness that was masked and dressed up with fake love and promises.

Agreed. K to you. Wanna do me? lol.

 

[jerseyart]

Gregory

Good luck there bor. I agree with you 100%, although as you've seen on this thread, the real world is a lot more shallow. I hope you find/found someone who shares your outlook.

Sex is a wonderful, incredibly enjoyable, enhancing part of a relationship. But as with most things in a relationship, most people only consider the union through the prism of "how it makes them feel."

For them, love = "I enjoy how this other person makes me feel" and the realtionship is largely built on that foundation, coupled with some shared history.

Sad truth is that most people are too inherently selfish to actually love anyone but themselves. They confuse the good feeling and void they sense depending on the presence or lack thereof of their significant other with genuine love

 

[DIVISION]

Emotionally, at the beginning he was there for her. The relationship deteriorated shortly after the first year. Her first of three children were born in that first year and shes tried to hold on and "make" it work.

Her reason for wanting "out" Isn't just because of the sex, there are alot of deeper issues. But she has said that despite how hard she tries and how much she wants to make things work, SEX plays a big role in wanting to move on.

She made her bed, now she's gotta sleep in it. When it's just two adults that's one thing, but soon as you start having kids, you're pretty much committing yourself for the long haul. Sex or not, orgarms or not it sounds to me like she's just sour grapes because she let everything snowball when she should have probably ended it sometime in the first year.



DIV

 

[velvett]

So if sex so incredibly important to everyone, what would happen if your soulmate fell ill and could not have sex? Or suffered with a complete irreversivble loss of desire? What would happen to your soulmate then? Would he/she still be your soulmate? From the respnses here i guess eveyrone would move on in short order, and that would unmask the shallowness of the relationship in the first place, shallowness that was masked and dressed up with fake love and promises.

Part of sex is affection.

If a someone is selfish as a lover they more than likely are not particularly affectionate.

I would take affection over sex in such a relationship you've described.

 

[gregory]

Gregory

Good luck there bor. I agree with you 100%, although as you've seen on this thread, the real world is a lot more shallow. I hope you find/found someone who shares your outlook.

Sex is a wonderful, incredibly enjoyable, enhancing part of a relationship. But as with most things in a relationship, most people only consider the union through the prism of "how it makes them feel."

For them, love = "I enjoy how this other person makes me feel" and the realtionship is largely built on that foundation, coupled with some shared history.

Sad truth is that most people are too inherently selfish to actually love anyone but themselves. They confuse the good feeling and void they sense depending on the presence or lack thereof of their significant other with genuine love

Well said Brother. I see enlightement has reached you.

 

[gregory]

Part of sex is affection.

If a someone is selfish as a lover they more than likely are not particularly affectionate.

I would take affection over sex in such a relationship you've described.

If you associate sex with affection you will have a hard time understanding a situation like that if you actually found yourself in it. I'm not saying you would not adjust but it would be hard. Sex is a double edged sword, it has the ability to bring people closer or drive them apart, too much weight should not be placed on it imo.

 

[gregory]

You must spread some Karma around before giving it to Kroliczek again.

 

[DIVISION]

I would take affection over sex in such a relationship you've described.

Women value intimacy over sex in a longterm relationship.

Always in my experience.

Women being Women.



DIV

 

[gregory]

Women value intimacy over sex in a longterm relationship.

Always in my experience.

Women being Women.



DIV

That's what they say, but in reality intimacy to them is intimate sex.

 

[jerseyart]

Women value intimacy over sex in a longterm relationship.

Always in my experience.

Women being Women.



DIV

You dont actually believe that do you?

 

[velvett]

If you associate sex with affection you will have a hard time understanding a situation like that if you actually found yourself in it. I'm not saying you would not adjust but it would be hard. Sex is a double edged sword, it has the ability to bring people closer or drive them apart, too much weight should not be placed on it imo.

Women value intimacy over sex in a longterm relationship.

Always in my experience.

Women being Women.

I think you guys might be misunderstanding my sentiment.

 

[gregory]

Then please clarify.

 

[velvett]

Then please clarify.

Let's say I'm married to someone to which we have a healthy emotional and sexual relationship with and on the night of our 20th anniversary we're in a car wreck and he's paralyzed from the waist down,I'm not going walk away from him just because he "can't get it up" anymore.

Being interested in your long term partner's sexual happiness (not just your own) is also an act of affection because you are considerate of your partner's feelings.

On the other hand, you can have great sex with a person that you have absolutely no emotional connection to, is there affection, depends, the best lovers tend to want to please and that doesn't have to be affection it's just a characteristic of being a great lover.

Not sure I'm expressing what I'm trying to say here but it seems to me that with healthy long term relationships there is a certain amount of loyalty and to just abandon someone because they can no longer physically please you sexually (not by choice) seems well, selfish. So therefore if I found myself in that situation I would be content with that person's affection (affection not limited to a sexual acts).

Hope that makes sense.

 

[The Shadow]

Hell yes.....I can watch the way a woman:


Eats and drinks







...and know how she is in bed

 

[gregory]

Let's say I'm married to someone to which we have a healthy emotional and sexual relationship with and on the night of our 20th anniversary we're in a car wreck and he's paralyzed from the waist down,I'm not going walk away from him just because he "can't get it up" anymore.

Being interested in your long term partner's sexual happiness (not just your own) is also an act of affection because you are considerate of your partner's feelings.

On the other hand, you can have great sex with a person that you have absolutely no emotional connection to, is there affection, depends, the best lovers tend to want to please and that doesn't have to be affection it's just a characteristic of being a great lover.

Not sure I'm expressing what I'm trying to say here but it seems to me that with healthy long term relationships there is a certain amount of loyalty and to just abandon someone because they can no longer physically please you sexually (not by choice) seems well, selfish. So therefore if I found myself in that situation I would be content with that person's affection (affection not limited to a sexual acts).

Hope that makes sense.

OK, but what if you were together for say 3 years? Would that be different?

 

[velvett]

OK, but what if you were together for say 3 years? Would that be different?

no, I don't how it should.

 

[strongsmartsexy]

So if sex so incredibly important to everyone, what would happen if your soulmate fell ill and could not have sex? Or suffered with a complete irreversivble loss of desire? What would happen to your soulmate then? Would he/she still be your soulmate? From the respnses here i guess eveyrone would move on in short order, and that would unmask the shallowness of the relationship in the first place, shallowness that was masked and dressed up with fake love and promises.

I don't believe in the notion of a soul mate at all. With that being said, there is a significant difference from someone withholding sex in a relationship and sexual incapacity due to illness or accident.

Now, is what you're saying is that the sexually healthy part of that relationship should be without sex because of an artificial line drawn at a static point in time? Is the incapacitated person in that relationship any less shallow and fake for holding that person to their incapacity?

 

[strongsmartsexy]

Let's say I'm married to someone to which we have a healthy emotional and sexual relationship with and on the night of our 20th anniversary we're in a car wreck and he's paralyzed from the waist down,I'm not going walk away from him just because he "can't get it up" anymore.

Being interested in your long term partner's sexual happiness (not just your own) is also an act of affection because you are considerate of your partner's feelings.

On the other hand, you can have great sex with a person that you have absolutely no emotional connection to, is there affection, depends, the best lovers tend to want to please and that doesn't have to be affection it's just a characteristic of being a great lover.

Not sure I'm expressing what I'm trying to say here but it seems to me that with healthy long term relationships there is a certain amount of loyalty and to just abandon someone because they can no longer physically please you sexually (not by choice) seems well, selfish. So therefore if I found myself in that situation I would be content with that person's affection (affection not limited to a sexual acts).

Hope that makes sense.

Since relationships change and grow over time, would it be a good thing to redefine the bounds of this relationship to overcome the obstacles within it?

 

[Evil_Frisky]

You dont actually believe that do you?

 

[velvett]

Since relationships change and grow over time, would it be a good thing to redefine the bounds of this relationship to overcome the obstacles within it?

I'm not sure what you mean.

 

[strongsmartsexy]

I'm not sure what you mean.

Since an obtacle of sex, or lack of sex has arisen within the relationship, would you look to redefine what your relationship is to alot for this change instead of leaving the relationship?

 

[chesty]

sex plays a big part of a relationship. If she thinks he is bad she should try to figure out why. If she knows and has been honest and caring about it when talking to him they should seek some professional help. taking time apart will not work.

However, it is not everything You can have outstanding sex/love making and the relationship can still fail. It is a combination of many things, sex being a major player.

Maybe he is not reaching her on an emotional level. Woman are wired very different from men. They need to feel loved and safe with a man to be able to open up to him on the level required for satisifaction. Men, however, need about 3 minutes to get ready and 2 minutes to perform. For us it is a mechanical action, very little emotion. For woman it is more emotional than physical.

?sex with your x husband? before x or after?

 

[Evil_Frisky]

?sex with your x husband? before x or after?

Before, never after. When I made my X..that was it. It was great but, IMHO Sex isn't everything. The sex can be great and the emotional bond horrible. There has to be more there for me than SEX.. complete trust and understanding, a solid foundation and strong commitment. I've never had a one night stand in my life, for me there has to be more than the desire of fulfilment.

 

[chesty]

There is also the possibility that she is as much to blame as he is. If she isn't living up to her end in all areas of her life he will turn cold, much as she would if he was/is doing the same.

It takes two to foul things up especially after 12 years.

 

[Evil_Frisky]

There is also the possibility that she is as much to blame as he is. If she isn't living up to her end in all areas of her life he will turn cold, much as she would if he was/is doing the same.

It takes two to foul things up especially after 12 years.

I agree completely

 

[chesty]

That is what happened with me and my ex. She was not treating me the way I wanted to be treated and in turn I went cold on her. I still cared about making sure she was satisfied, but the other stuff just crumbled.

 

[TRUEsoldier]

How big of a role does Sex play in a relationship?

If your not pleased EVER do you think it could be enough to break that last straw and ruin a marriage? Some one very close to me is having some serious marital issues, taking some time apart and her husband is REALLY trying but she says she just doesn't think it will work...

Why?

Cause in the going on 12 years they've been together the Sex was horrible. IMO its kinda shallow to divorce because of Sex but what do I know, I never had complaints about sex with my X-husband.

I guess it also sucks in her situation because HE DOESN'T CARE if she gets the BIG O or not.

damn right it plays a big role,but that is cuz you should be married if your happy, if your not happy, then you shouldnt be married anymore.

its kinda bad itt ook 12 years to figure it out though!!

Peace

 

[velvett]

Since an obtacle of sex, or lack of sex has arisen within the relationship, would you look to redefine what your relationship is to alot for this change instead of leaving the relationship?

In all my posts I believe I said (at least I thought I had said) I would NOT abandon a healthy relationship just because of such an obstacle.

Sex or no sex all relationship adjust, pivot and morph as time goes one and these changes happen so slow and subtle that it's almost hard to notice.

It's when a relationship is altered in a dramatic and instantaneous way where you really are faced with the true strength of that relationship. A solid relationship has a better chance of finding a copasetic stance than an unhealthy or weak relationship.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

Before, never after. When I made my X..that was it. It was great but, IMHO Sex isn't everything. The sex can be great and the emotional bond horrible. There has to be more there for me than SEX.. complete trust and understanding, a solid foundation and strong commitment. I've never had a one night stand in my life, for me there has to be more than the desire of fulfilment.

Good for you sweetie

 

[Dirk Howat]

How big of a role does Sex play in a relationship?

I guess it also sucks in her situation because HE DOESN'T CARE if she gets the BIG O or not.

Sex indicates the degree of attraction, i.e. the strength of a relationship. If the relationship sucks, then sex usually does. If sex is great, then the relationship tends to be great.

Being great in bed, being able to turn on, satisfy a women, give her phenomenal Os, is the key for a man to keep a hot women. Great thing, women talk about their sexual experiences, so if you are the MAN, more and more women will want you. Its like in pre historic times, the ALPHA males got all of the HOT women. The chumps would marry the women and support the Alpha males kids. Its a basic primitive animal instinct.

Great sex, holds together a relationship.

 

[Robert Jan]

you mean theres like, something else?

 

[ChefWide]

If you associate sex with affection you will have a hard time understanding a situation like that if you actually found yourself in it. I'm not saying you would not adjust but it would be hard. Sex is a double edged sword, it has the ability to bring people closer or drive them apart, too much weight should not be placed on it imo.

Aye, truth all around in this thread, but consider the situation that sex, and phenominal, world rending sex brings them together against all odds. They have children, still, raging sexual lives. Then 'it' happens. she no longer has the drive. No longer interested in 'participation' but rather simply recieving. He wakes up to find they have not a single thing in comon. Nada.

The glue, as some would put it, is gone. The higher level emotions you suggest should exist by common ground, interests, history: never existed in the first place. What then?

 

[Jade19]

I think that a lot of times in life people tend to lose their/or not have enough appreiciation for the people in their life. Family, Friends, and especially their significant others. Him not caring about her getting off is completly selfish, making an effort shows that appreiciation, everyone wants to feel that. Personally if i dont feel appreiciated, i dont feel complete or happy. Because I go out of my way to show that to the people in my life i love, even the little things count. You never know when they can be taken away.

 

[Forge]

Aye, truth all around in this thread, but consider the situation that sex, and phenominal, world rending sex brings them together against all odds. They have children, still, raging sexual lives. Then 'it' happens. she no longer has the drive. No longer interested in 'participation' but rather simply recieving. He wakes up to find they have not a single thing in comon. Nada.

The glue, as some would put it, is gone. The higher level emotions you suggest should exist by common ground, interests, history: never existed in the first place. What then?

Then they will have serious relationship problems. I've seen this exact scenario play out several times in my life, and it never ends well. This is why even though sex is very important, there has to be much more than just sex. There has to be chemistry as well, common interests, but most of all they have to actually like each other as a person. Great sex can bridge the gap, but not too large of a gap or the bridge will eventually crumble.

This is why menopause kills so many marriages, the marraige was weak to begin with but they just never noticed it before due to sex "bridging the gap".

 

[Dirk Howat]

This is why menopause kills so many marriages, the marraige was weak to begin with but they just never noticed it before due to sex "bridging the gap".

That is what HRT is for. For bros and hos. Estrogen for chicks when they get old and yo....test for us. If you do not have a sex drive, you are dead for all practical purposes. With HRT, you can have a vitality into your 90s, well after most people are dead.

I am 84 and still going strong ( my pics are real and were taken 5 months ago. No shit.)

jk

BTW, I date girls from 18 to 28.

I am in my prime still and (inter pares) I get girls in their prime. A girl could be into her prime to her late 40s and still be hot (think of Maud Adams at 60 what she was at 40 if she took HRT to keep her body firm). I would bang Maud Adams when she was in her 40s when she did Octopussy even though I am younger then her. Its about quality.

 

[ThatGirl]

I haven't read this whole thread so I'm just gonna respond to the original post. Yes, sex plays a pretty big role (unless you don't like sex, who doesn't like sex?)
I was with someone for 5 1/2 years, and the first 2 of those years the sex was great, but then he just got selfish and amongst other things non sex related, it made me less and less attracted to him. I am a VERY sexual person, I need that in my life (which I guess is why I sell sex toys and don't have a boyfriend, no one can keep up!)
If sex is what is breaking them up, maybe they should seek counseling (again I haven't read the whole thread, I'm at work, I just have sex on the brain and felt like responding), or maybe they just need to try new things to spice things up? Relationships are give and take, sex is give and take. People have to work on ALL issues and compromise in order for things to work.

 

[hamstershaver]

quickies play a big role for me