Do I fall for a girl too easily?

[brianharper94]

Honeynut...Do you really think that it's possible that she has a crush on me too? I'm just an average guy (well, a 300 pound average guy) who doesn't even have a job right now. She's sooooo perfect. She is beautiful, sweet, caring, understanding, and has her life really together. Honestly, I think she's going out with me because she feels sorry for me. If that's not the reason she's going out with me, then that would be great. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, especially "my dream girl".

bh

 

[Test boy]

It is tough finding the right balance...maybe impossible. You would probably get further with them if you had a job. Every woman wants to eventually marry...to a guy with a decent job. Most people would probably go out with someone who is unemployed...then get nervous about the unemployed part. Sorry to hear your story, hope things improve soon.

 

[Honeynut]

BH - just curious, how old are you? How old are the girls you're dating?

Girls and guys have secret crushes on their platonic friends all the time, I think it's entirely possible she might harbor one for you. HOWEVER - I didn't say this to make you jump the gun, only so you keep your eyes open for any signs. Trust me, take it slow. If you confess your undying love to her now, she'll probably think you just can't take being alone and she's the next best thing.

It is also possible that she doesn't have a crush on you, she's really just your friend, and saying something like that might alter your relationship.

Either way it's way too soon to make a move, so bide your time as patiently as you can, and try and content yourself with her friendship for the moment.

 

[Test boy]

Maybe...I think modern women hide their feelings more than men do. I sometimes have no idea what a woman thinks of me. Maybe she doesn't either.

 

[Taps]

If you're wondering what your friend thinks of you, ask her. Seriously bro, just ask her if she's into you or not.

I always though girls would be freaked out by this approach, but I think most of 'em appreciate the lack to bullshit involved. At the very least it'll get things out in the open.

Oh, but don't get all heavy and shit....just be cool and have fun.

 

[brianharper94]

Thanks everyone, this is really helping ease my nerves some. By the way, I'm almost 20, the girl I was with was 18, the girl I'm going out with this weekend (my friend, the perfect one) is 22, and I just lost my job on Monday, but I don't really think that is the problem because my family is loaded. I'm thinking on taking some classes or something, and just not having a job for awhile. I'm good at saving money, and I have good people handle it so that it makes money for me. My friend, not the perfect girl, but another one said that my problem is that I've always had everything handed to me or done for me, so whenever something bad comes up I have trouble dealing with it. He's right. I'm the type of guy that's physically strong, but mentally, I'm not shit. I want to work and make for myself, I don't want to be the guy that has it made because his family's always had money. A couple of your replies have made me think that if i mess up trying to have a relationship with this girl, that I'll lose her as a friend too. I couldn't bare to do that, so would I be right in my thinking that I should kind of stay back a little and hold off on showing her how I feel? I'm sure she already knows that I'm totally crazy about her, she's pretty sharp. I like the idea of asking her, but wouldn't that be a little forward? That's just like putting everything out on the line, you know. By asking wouldn't I be showing that I was infatuated with her, and then she might get freaked out and start avoiding me. I'm confusing myself. Oh, some more great news in my life, My car just got smashed about four hours ago. I'm okay, but it was a new car. That poor guys insurance is going to be through the roof.

 

[Honeynut]

You're having a really, really shitty week Sorry about your car

Putting everything on the table can be liberating. You won't have to carry this big weight of feeling inside yourself. I do think it's too soon to make a move though, because she might think you're using her so you're not alone. If she's been hearing you say how in love you are all this time, coaching you through your relationship with someone you made it seem you adored, changing lanes so fast is going to do zero for your credibility. I'd wait. Once a good amount of time has passed for her to be comfortable that you're over your ex, definitely take the "put it on the table" approach. No risk of mixed signals.

Advice: 'infatuated' is a strong word that I am scared of. If a guy tells me he is infatuated with me, I get a little worried.

 

[brianharper94]

Makes since. Yeah, this has been a terrible week, but on the bright side, I get a new car and I'm going out with the greatest girl in the world. I talked to my ex on the phone today. She was nice, but I'm still not going to pass up this opportunity to go back to her, even if she wanted me too. I guess I was a little off when I said that when I was with her no one else mattered, because my friend, the perfect one, did matter, but I thought of her only as a friend because I never dreamed anything this great could happen. Thanks for all of this help, you should be a counselor or something. Is obsessed a bad word to use? I can't stop thinking about her, but isn't that still infatuated? I'm not very good with words. Anyway, I'm going car shopping now, got to have something to take my favorite girl in the world out with. Any suggestions on the type of car? Money's not a big deal because I'm getting a ton for my car that he smashed. No Bently's or anything like that though. I'm leaning toward a Chevy TrailBlazer or an Acura MDX. I had a Toyota Highlander, it was nice, but I figured that I should get something different.

 

[starbrn]

It's like I can go out with a girl a few times and just get totally attached to her, even before sleeping with her. It's like I want to spend the rest of my life with whatever girl I'm seeing, and don't really care to bother with any other women. All I read on these boards is guys talking about how many girls they're nailing, have nailed, or want to nail. When I was with my now ex-girlfriend, I went out drinking with a couple of friends and this really hot girl came up and was all over me, and I was just like, "I'm sorry, I'm really involved with a great girl right now." I guess I'm just some kind of loser or something. It really bothers me.

congratulations on being a decent guy! Rejecting a girl while you're out @ a time you're involved in a relationship does not make you a loser. I was w/ a guy w/ would fuck anything that walked by @ a bar. I took his shit for too long and it leaves a huge scar just to let you know. so you sound like a great guy and so what if you fall head over heals just stop yourself as much as possible when you feel it happening take a good look at the girl and everything you know about her......if it isn't much get to know her who really cares how many chicks you can fuck in a week? some guy friends? are they really what are going to matter in this case. I'll tell you by the kind of guy you sound like you are it definately won't be the type of girl you'll want to settle down w/.

 

[Honeynut]

No prob, glad I could help. As for cars, if you want an SUV get the Acura. I think that this is pretty redundant though, as you should never get what someone else tells you to get, but get what YOU want instead. I have taste of my own, just like you. Get something you're going to enjoy.

I know what you mean about obsessed/infatuated, if someone's on your mind all the time it's hard not to use words like that. I'm just advising you not to use them with her, to describe how you feel about her. It's a little too heavy of a word. Don't use love yet either, as if she's a cautious, smart girl she probably won't believe you no matter how much you tell her you mean it. Tell her you really care about her, you have feelings about her. When the time is right of course.